Category: Motherhood

20 months

Each month, I add a new house on my kitchen windowsill to mark the time that Tim has served as a missionary. I think of the people he has met, and the many houses he has entered.

This display was marketed as an advent calendar, but the anticipation of placing a new house each month might actually be more exciting than counting down the days until Christmas.

I like to find ways to mark our days. Sometimes it’s impossible to convey all that has come during a period of time, but somehow, these little houses hold my secrets.

Prayer Fog

Such a helpful insight from Becky Craven on Instagram today!

In my journals from the busiest years of my life, I often expressed frustration because I struggled to concentrate during my personal prayers. In one journal, I used the pages to write out my prayers, thinking that this would improve my focus.

I wish that I had understood that some of those thoughts that snuck into my mind during my seemingly unfocused prayers were God’s way of reaching me.

Also, I understand now that during those elemental prayers, which were scattered and pleading, I was actually creating a relationship with God because I was being real. He didn’t want a formal structure as much as He just wanted to hear from me. My prayers were effective, and I didn’t know it.

So, today I encourage you to keep praying through the frustration and fog. We may not see it now, but heaven is closer and more helpful than we can imagine.

Structuring home life with children

Over a year ago, someone asked me to write my advice for someone who was a new homeschooler. I haven’t talked about homeschool on this blog in many years, but I had an interesting moment this morning where I not only remembered this email, but felt a strong urge to post it here.

I think most of these points apply to anyone trying to structure home life with children, especially during the summer, so take what you need, and forget the rest.

1. Pray first thing as a family every day. Establish routines for start time, subjects, breaks, and lunch. Consider scripture time a daily subject.

2. Do things regularly with other families. It is good that kids play with children of all ages.

3. Choose a curriculum strong in language arts and math. Have a plan for the year, each month, week, and every day.

4. Steel yourself to criticism from those who don’t understand what you are accomplishing.

5. Go on dates with your husband without the kids.

6. Fill your house with books of all kinds and read, read, read together and independently.

7. Find a friend with whom you can share your experiences so school and children aren’t the only things you talk about with your husband.

8. Plan unstructured time for kids to explore their own interests. Their interests can propel their desire to read, write, and learn how to be proactive learners.

9. Celebrate achievements with certificates or stickers or whatever makes your kids happy. Don’t feel like you have to mirror a public school classroom with big charts, etc. You can do simple, meaningful things to track progress.

10. Go outside together or do crafts when things get too intense in the house.

11. Explore nature, go to museums, run and play, visit the elderly, take art classes, make collections together. Some of the best advice I received was to play with playdough with my children. Your children will need to help around the house, too. You can’t do everything yourself.

12. Look at every subject as a means to increase reading and writing skills.

13. Take pictures and cherish the time together. Don’t broadcast everything on social media. Honor your children’s privacy in learning and development.

14. Listen for and expect the Lord to lead you in small things and big things. Heavenly Father is even more interested in helping your children progress than you are, so be willing to accept answers that aren’t part of your original plan.

15. You can contact me if you want to talk. I was a homeschool mom for 14 years.

Art by Paige, around 2010

Moab Trip

The Ross family tour bus departed on Memorial Day, just as most people packed up their RV’s to come home. We passed masses of traffic traveling home in the other direction, and discovered that the places we visited near Moab were not crowded. Richard made excellent plans and accommodations for us. He is so good at this.

After such a wet winter, the landscape was more green than we can remember. There were so many wildflowers, that whole fields were dusted in color, mostly orange, but many other colors, too.

Do you spy Paige and Michael, and Daniel and McKenna traveling with us? Lucky us! My brother Joe shared his van with us so we could all ride together.

Mawar Typhoon

Scroll down for updates. We are not overly anxious about Elder Ross’s safety, but we know this is a serious situation for Guam.

Tuesday afternoon (USA)/ Wednesday morning (Guam) update:

The storm is stalled, gaining intensity, they are sheltering in place and know that it won’t be long until the power and water are gone. This storm is a once in a lifetime storm for Guam in terms of intensity and how directly it is expected to hit the island. Tim is concerned about the islanders. This will likely be devastating. The US military bases have sailed the ships away and taken the planes elsewhere. The missionaries have food and water and shelter. Thank you for the prayers. I am not overly concerned, and our Elder Ross isn’t anxious, but it is definitely a serious situation.

5:30 am Wednesday Utah time/9:30 pm Wednesday Guam time

He says they have no electricity. He checked in with three words, “lots of wind,” since he has internet for now. They still have water. The news says they are in the worst of the winds and rain right now.

Yesterday, I asked what he had packed when he evacuated his apartment. Among the list of essentials: his two machetes and a ukulele. In the apartment where he is sheltering with 8 other elders, there are 4 ukuleles and 2 guitars. Musical bunch.

Wednesday 5:00pm Utah time, 9:00am Thursday in Guam:

He made it through, and all the missionaries are okay. No power or water, and no leaves are left on the trees. Things don’t look as bad as he expected.

No communication on Thursday. No communication on Friday. No communication on Saturday.

Sunday 5/28 communication:

There is no power or phone service where he lives, but he has access to water. The mission home has power, so each missionary can do one load of laundry there on a schedule. They are eating dry cereal and canned foods. His town received 24″ of rain in one day, and his apartment suffered minimal damage and miraculously, the windows are intact, despite not having shutters. (He sheltered in a different apartment during the storm.) There is a gas shortage, so he is somewhat stranded. The temple and chapel are damaged and they are not able to be used for a while. Lots of cleanup efforts are happening all over the island. He says that he saw how the Lord protected the people. This was a big storm and many people lost their homes, but not their lives. His machetes are coming in handy as he and his companion help with cleanup efforts. Missionary work looks like constant service and no lessons right now. His mission president has asked him to continue as planned for his zone conference this week, despite all. (He is a zone leader on Guam.)

To me, he looks like he is warm without fans and air conditioning, but I see he was well prepared to handle this big cleanup because of his landscaping job before his mission. He loves to do this kind of thing.

The magic hour

The magic hour for conversations with Mark is between 10 and 11 pm. This has been true for most of our kids, and I read somewhere that teen circadian rhythms shift several hours beyond usual bedtimes. Late nights simply don’t feel late to them.

We try to be available for conversations late at night and early in the morning before school. This is also when we pray together.

I hope the rhythm of prayer will continue for our children long after they grow out of the funny rhythms of their teen years. I can think of no better comfort and help than prayer.

April 3 letter

Dear Friend,

Here is a letter to begin the month of April.

Our lives feel like they are on pause in this endless winter with so much snow that our canyon is closed.

We watched general conference all weekend. For us, this looks like Legos and blocks on the floor, blankets on the sofas and chairs, a whiteboard and markers for making summaries of talks, and so many snacks. Every crumb of snacks that I poured into bowls was consumed. I made cinnamon rolls and broccoli soup, and served a key lime pie and lots of other things. We walked each day to restore ourselves after the stupor of watching television.

I write this on a scheduled lazy morning. We are expecting another pile of snow today. (Happy spring break to us!) I can’t get excited about this week of snow and the removal of Mark’s wisdom teeth. In fact, I dread, dread, dread the wisdom teeth appointment. (Snuggling deeper into a blanket) Maybe if I think about Easter and make some plans that will help.

I am also watching another flight for Tim. He is always chatty and energized when he gets a transfer, which for the Micronesia Guam mission means an oversea flight. Richard watches YouTube videos analyzing plane crashes for enjoyment when I am not around. He knows that I don’t need to feed my mind any more death scenarios. I will be glad when the little green dot on the website lands in Guam later today, which is tomorrow for Tim.

I had several unconnected conversations with friends last month that led me to pick up my orthodontic retainers and wear them again. Never stop wearing your retainers is my piece of wisdom for today. There are lots of retainers in our lives, not just orthodontic ones: Date nights, repentance, the sacrament, finding God in prayer, finding Jesus in scripture study… Never stop with the retainers.

I have a quilt to finish, but I think I will wait to shop for more fabric. My stack of books is growing. Last week I was a little sick, and one night I went to bed discouraged by what I hadn’t accomplished. But then I felt the impression to consider all I HAD accomplished that day, despite all. Sometimes we just need to make a backwards TO DO list, and simply list what’s DONE. For me, this is the ultimate self care routine.

It is Holy Week. Happy Easter celebrations await.

Love,

A

For you, I would keep working on me.

Many years ago, I wrote a post about this little 2″ x 2″ tile that I pulled from the floor during the demolition of my parents’ cabin. These very old tiles were so fragile, and my efforts to extract them mostly ended in them crumbling to pieces. It took a long, careful effort to dislodge this one. I wrote how the process of removing this tile was like helping people make changes in their lives. I displayed this tile to remind me to be patient and gentle with others, but I was definitely overlooking a beam in my own eye.

Later, I found this quote, “For you, I would keep working on me.” This challenged my reason for having this tile on display. I realized that I should think of myself as the stubborn tile.

I still display this tile, but it is no longer just a reminder to be loving and patient with others. It reminds me to keep working on me, and that it is God’s hand that lovingly frees us.

For Heavenly Father,

For Richard,

For my family,

For my friends and neighbors,

I will keep working on me.

This week’s letter to Timothy

Timothy is currently serving his mission in Palau, and this was my letter to him this week. I think these are words I would like all of my children to have.

Dear Tim,

I have taken President Nelson’s counsel to write down the thoughts that come to my mind when I pray. I had some experiences with personal revelation recently that support patterns that I have experienced throughout my life.

* Answers are never complicated. Simplicity is the language of the Spirit. Simple phrases or basic clarity are common for me.

* Even when I am wrong, God is always encouraging and gentle.

* Peace comes when I submit to what God tells me, even if it isn’t what I wanted to hear. This weekend I second-guessed some revelation about a talk I was giving. When I finally trusted the original impression, my mind became settled and calm.

* Sometimes Heavenly Father helps me step away from the experience and see a wider perspective on an issue. He helps me see that yes, today might be hard, but the difficulty is there for my benefit.

Keep showing love to people and be your charming self, and miracles will happen. There will be miracles that you won’t see because they are taking place in people’s hearts and minds, but they are happening.

Love,

Mom

Tender Mercies in March 2023

These are a few things I wrote down in my journal of God’s tender mercies during the past week.

I was invited to an Alzheimer’s conference last summer to support a friend who was on a panel, and I came home with lots of good information. Another friend was recently diagnosed with the disease, and the notes I gathered last summer allowed me to give her accurate information and a strong list of professional resources. My friend’s physician had given her nothing but a diagnosis, not even a pamphlet. It is a tender mercy that I was prepared to comfort a friend with this information. We read the words together on her couch, and she felt understood, validated in her symptoms, and empowered to move forward. It was a precious experience to see how God orchestrated this moment long before her diagnosis.

During a conversation with Mark after school, he was finishing a snack and telling me about the things he was working on. I caught a glimpse of him as he was thinking at the counter that seemed to magnify who he was and inform me of his goodness. I felt an overwhelming feeling of love, so strong it made tears come to my eyes. I think this was a God moment, an instant where I was given to understand who Mark is and how God feels about him. How I love this young man.

The miracle of health when I need to serve in my calling continues. The headache that plagued me over the weekend disappeared when I needed to teach and make a visit to a Primary.