Category: Life according to Angela

Good Things from Last Week

Paige was accepted into the Illustration BFA program at BYU and things are moving forward with her internship in New York this summer.

Mark was awarded three ranks in Scouting. He achieved the rank of First Class, just in time to turn twelve.

Paige and I drove to Cedar City for lunch with Richard’s female relatives to celebrate his mom’s birthday. I didn’t capture everyone in this picture. With so many schedules it was amazing that so many could make it.

Dessert in Beaver

Daniel learned he is Valedictorian of his class and received the Heritage scholarship at BYU.

Not pictured: Timothy in his tux playing at the State Band competition, winning Frisbee points at the tournament on Saturday, and the electric guitar he is making in his woods class.

Richard and I celebrated our 23rd anniversary.

 

Not every week is a harvest, and I am thankful when one comes along.

To Myself

To myself:

Take these tender experiences and allow them to take a flight with you in your soul. Above the winds and the pull of distractions and Earth, examine each, and ask, “Does this provide a lesson for the mind or heart?” Lessons of the heart require more time aloft.

Avoid the tendency to land too early in your assessment of the big lessons. “I can’t do it,” and “Why?” are things we say when we have landed too soon.  Trust that as you fly, your heart will grow into lessons too big for you right now in your current state.

And the ugly lessons, the ones that tear the heart and torture the mind? The longer you fly, the softer the lesson will seem when you land, aged and wise. What burdened you once will seem like a light thing, perhaps even a sweet thing then. So keep flying.

Fifteen is when…

You need a ride home from a friend’s house, but the back seat is full of old junk. And since it is almost midnight, you hold that enormous television or light fixture on your lap because you are out of options to get home.

You get shuffled from driver to driver.

You can drive, but your mom has to be with you.

You might not get a ride at all because your mom forgets to turn up her phone.

(I am feeling sorry today for Timothy and the realities of being fifteen.)

 

 

Gift

Two of the most beautiful passages of War and Peace happen when Prince Andrew is wounded in different battles. He has clarity in these moments about others and himself, feeling compassion and love instead of his usual contempt and ambition. Fame reveals itself as the small thing it is. He remembers how it felt to be a child.

I think of these scenes, and they remind me of the goal: to experience life in a more welcoming, childlike way. If I did, I could enjoy warmth, comfort, compassion, companionship, and love more easily. There would be no room for grudges or worries. A child trusts; a child seeks joy; a child accepts the gifts around him as reality.

In another War and Peace passage, Pierre, the restless seeker, realizes,

God is here and everywhere… He felt like a man who after straining his eyes to see into the far distance finds what he sought at his very feet. All his life he had looked over the heads of men around him, when he should have merely looked in front of him without straining his eyes.

-War and Peace, ch XII

I sat in a concert about a month ago I had a War and Peace moment. It was neither sought-for nor earned; I was actually tired and a little frustrated that I couldn’t find a good seat. During the long concert, I looked around me at the families who had come to support their children. I felt how they loved each other. I smiled at the grandmother who hugged her tough son and grandchildren. I noticed a middle school aged boy sitting alone, holding a bouquet of flowers carefully in his hands during the whole concert. I strained to watch him give the gift after the concert, but lost him in the crowd. He was love. I loved him. He loved someone enough to sit alone and bring her flowers. I was love. I could see beyond my usual categorization of people and just see their goodness. This was a welcome rest. This was happiness.

These moments of pure love are rare, so I am writing it to remind myself it’s always there. I just need to develop a capacity to receive it when it is revealed to me.

“I was then wiser and had more insight than at any other time, and understood all that is worth understanding in life. because…because I was happy.”

Pierre’s insanity consisted in not waiting, as he used to do, to discover personal attributes which he termed “good qualities” in people before loving them; his heart was now overflowing with love, and by loving people without cause he discovered indubitable causes for loving them.

-War and Peace, ch XIX

Nine years old

Yesterday this blog turned nine years old. I didn’t think of it until this morning. Instead of commemmorating, I spent some time installing a plug-in to make the blog private. I think Richard has talked me out of closing off the blog to most visitors. As I contemplate a tenth year of blogging, I realize the main reasons for beginning a blog are gone. My parents returned from their mission. We live closer to family and can see them more often. I am no longer home schooling and needing validation for it. The kids are much older now, and there are no more cute baseball pictures and ballet recitals to share. Milestones such as graduation, a mission, an internship, driving, and our baby turning twelve are coming, and I don’t feel the clarity to write something worthy of these moments. I look at my first posts, the kids eating a treat and playing baseball in Arizona, and feel the difference in our situation deeply. We are not here to stay the same, as these years have shown. But Paige is still the one that inspires us to pull together for traditional meals and activities and she is still creating art. Daniel continues to inspire awe with his creations and surprise us with his mature insights. Timothy still disarms me with his smile and shows steady excellence in all he does. Mark remains affectionate and is a bright, entertaining companion. Richard sits at the same desk and works in the yard. I fuss about the house and carve out time to read and write between driving people places. In some things, we are what we have always been, just more full in the expression of them. Thank you for checking in on us.

My words

Someone asked us at church to come up with a word that described our individual focus for the year. It was just an exercise and she wasn’t saying that a theme word should have to be a thing we do. But it is a good exercise to get you thinking. Some examples women came up with: acceptance, kindness, patience, love, and joy.

I couldn’t think of one word, so I chose this phrase from Alma. This has been in my head this year, and some good has come from it. Unfortunately, it hasn’t had an effect on my exercise habits.

And this little letterboard makes me really, really happy.

Gratitude lists for mid-March

3/12-3/18

  • A good family home evening lesson
  • Ideas flowing for writing
  • Protection from harm during a lightning storm on a playing field
  • An evening listening to a member of the Presidency of the Seventy
  • Paige’s visit
  • Midnight drive with Daniel to ask someone to a dance
  • Good visit with Helen
  • Time and energy to serve someone who was busy and frazzled

3/19-3/25

  • Beautiful lunch with my presidency after a visit thanks to Kristy
  • Finding reassurance from conference talks
  • My presidency
  • Sunshine on Friday
  • Lunch with sisters
  • Richard’s happy Deacons quorum after completing their Duty to God requirements go to a Jazz game together 😃😃😃
  • Daniel’s vocal trio at the choir concert and watching him accompany choirs on the piano
  • Sunshine on my face on Friday
  • A new kitchen faucet
  • A good interaction with a sister in my ward, despite my fear of more failure in my fumbling efforts to reach out
  • My nephews’ reactions to the toys and candy at the family Easter egg hunt
  • A Sunday full of resolutions to dilemmas and efforts

Post #1500

FrisbeeScoutsVisitsCompassionateServicePianoViolinLessonsLaundryVacuumingCleaningDishesGroceriesDrivingReadingSortingPatiencePatienceWorryMoodyLettingGoFormsDoctorsLeadershipBaffledChoirMidnightDeadlinesRoboticsIWon’tMissYouQuietHidingMyScarHaircutsWaitingJazzBandForgetfulUnmotivatedSomebody’sOffendedAgainMoreVegetablesNowLet’sGetRidofSugarMasterpieceHomeFiresWhatWereYouThinkingButILoveTheBookAboutQueenVictoriaIAmReadingLowUnsureIShouldMakeADollNoMaybeEmbroiderCactusesWhyHaveINotPaintedThisRoomYetShe’sTryingToGetOutOfThisButICan’tHelpHerAreWeReallySurprisedFacebookIsBadAreWeReallySurprisedAboutViolenceInOurAreaAreWeReallySurprisedKidsAreHavingAHardTimeWithSocialMediaWhyCan’tIMakeTheTimeToWriteThatLetterNoOneIsGoingToWantToReadThisNewProjectIWillWriteItAnywayIMayNotGoThisTimeLivingLifeToTheTuneOfLaundryAndOvenTimersIWouldLikeToGoBackToTheDayWeVisitedANaturePreserveInSierraVistaAndWatchMyCuteKidsAgain

My 1500th post should be worthy, but since this is the state of my mind, well, you get this.

Reminder

I was away from the house yesterday afternoon at a rainy Ultimate Frisbee game in Alpine when this picture showed up on my phone, taken by my neighbor Lindsay. I was glad for an update on our little circle of houses and to see that Daniel was home, as the van he drives was in the shot. I couldn’t believe how similar this rainbow was to the one I was seeing in Alpine.

This was the picture that I had just taken, a mountain apart from our home:

I am taking it as a reminder that God knows where we live and where we spend our days. He knows what I am worried about and has solutions. He knows we are feeling opposition knows that we need reminders now and then that he is with us.