Category: Life according to Angela

Rainy Monday

It was a rainy Monday. Mark went grocery shopping with me and brought his magic 8 ball for car entertainment. He tells me the ball is about 90% accurate.

I still like Mondays best, even rainy ones.

 

This woman needs a laptop

I read a memoir this week, one with a similar style to the book I was going to write in 2015. I knew it would be emotional for me to read this book because it would awaken the ache to write my own story.

At the bookstore, I bought a stack of copies of this book to give to friends. When the cashier saw them, she said the cover was beautiful. I agreed, and then she asked if I was the author.

I was completely affected by this. “No,” I stammered.

“But I should be,” I thought.

The same day someone invited me to a writing retreat. I didn’t dare say yes. But I took it as another sign.

That evening I was surprised by my tears when I told Richard how I ache to write. He just said, “It’s a good thing I just ordered you a new laptop. It arrives tomorrow. That should help.”

Some truth to replace a lie

So far, my 2017 has been about rededication about my use of time. It’s been about simple things like putting my phone down and keeping it on silent. It’s been longer and deeper study of the Book of Mormon each day. I gave up some screen habits that have been numbing me to what is going on.

Along with my feelings of needing to rededicate my life to good things, it has been a rocky few months at home. We have some family concerns which seemed to justify the creeping notion that it is impossible to be a good wife and mother and be a good Relief Society president at the same time.

Things are getting better now, some simple truths having won out.

On Sunday as I partook of the sacrament, it became clear to me that it’s a lie that it’s impossible to be a good wife and mother and serve in the Church.

The truth is, the Lord just needs my dedication to living commandments and for me to give simple acts of love and he will work miracles. I have seen many.

People feel my love when all I can do is pray for them each day. 

Deep scripture study has given me answers to impossible questions and helped me articulate answers to dilemmas in meetings.

I have felt a heightened awareness of who I need to talk to, sometimes based on a simple expression on a face and no verbal cues.

I have felt the power and influence of good counselors and a secretary to know who to serve each week.

Writing a short note has been a powerful way to communicate with those who are not open to a visit or when I can’t visit. Short notes don’t take much time. They just require love.

The names, direction, and action items that come to my mind when I partake of the sacrament on Sunday are incredibly accurate. When I act on these impressions, I see that God is making me a better wife and mother, minister, and witness.

Next to my relationship with God, being a wife and mother is my most important work. As I improve my relationship to God and family, I feel more confident in my church service. There is no way to measure a person’s influence for good in the lives of others, but I believe it grows as I draw closer to the Lord. I am grateful to a few friends who reassured me of this on Sunday. I feel a new energy to keep trying.

March 3

I decided to take a few pictures of what I see at my house today. I have been reading a lot and sewing some towels for the Primary. I keep these twinkle lights on a timer so they come on each evening in the kitchen. The white “snow” in the apocathary jars is ice melt. The boys built the gear clock after Christmas and I think it is beautiful. Those are Tim’s muddy cleats.

F is for February

F is for February. It is also for:

Failure: I missed some cues and regret it.

Fun: trip to St George, Lego movie

Friendships: broken heart

Fitness: racquetball

Flurries: snow this week

Faith: my lesson topic in Relief Society

Food: turkey and mashed potatoes; oven s’mores

Forgiveness: an essential key to resilience

Funny: joke shop in Payson, UT

Facebook: I’m not looking at it.

Fever: a couple of kids sick

Finally: My Christmas present on back-order arrived.

Forty-six: Richard’s birthday is this weekend.

Fantastic: the boys’ piano pieces

Finger: Paige’s finger is still broken but making progress

Fine: Everything is going to be OK.

teepeegirl.com

Relief Society presidency

Today when I saw how we were dressed, I knew we couldn’t let the opportunity slip away to take a picture.

A more accurate picture of this presidency would include Charlene laughing, Cindy in gentle, quiet conversation, Kristy making calls and carrying sign-up sheets, and me finding a scripture to match a comment made by someone in the class or asking nosy questions. Another would be sitting around my kitchen table on Tuesday nights going over Compassionate service needs and visiting teaching routes. It would be all of us in Charlene’s car driving around to visits. It would be of us working together, and also separately to reach out to as many sisters as we can each week.

If I could go back in time, I would take more pictures with the people I have served with in presidencies and classes, packs and camps. I know we won’t have this relationship forever, so I am savoring the lessons they teach me and the good times together.

Chocolate therapy

During the past week

  • We began the process for Mark to return to public school in the fall. It involved me dropping him off at the middle school for a tour and not being allowed to walk him to the cafeteria where it was to begin. I cry often about this transition. Do not talk to me about it, though. This is not something I will want to discuss with anyone. It’s a special kind of ignominy to place a child in public school after home school, even if it was always in the plan and we are not failing.
  • We picked up registration papers for Tim to begin high school in the fall.
  • Harvard contacted Daniel.
  • Mark and I made his last batch of Valentines. Elementary school is nearly over for us.
  • Mark thinks he wants to play the trumpet next year.

What happened when I gave up some phone time

I mentioned last month that I have given up using my phone around family members. I don’t carry it around the house with me. I have it set to “do not disturb” so it can’t make noises when someone posts something online or I get a text. I check it when I walk through the bedroom or kitchen where I leave it. When I have an appointment to visit someone I don’t bring it into the house.

I have learned that I was using the phone as an escape and a way to “numb” stress. I still use it for this. But not as often.

I have looked at social media less and I don’t miss it.

I have read more. I am plowing through books again like the days before I had a smartphone.

I check my email less often and I have forgotten to respond to a few messages. (I am still finding a balance.)

I have a new phone from Christmas but I am still not familiar with it because I don’t carry it like my other phone.

I am still thankful for a smartphone. I rely on texting to keep my presidency and compassionate service leaders informed. I still like being online. I still like creating my blog. I just needed to reign in the time and eliminate the phone as part of what family saw when they looked at me.

I don’t know if it has to do with less phone use or nutrition or that January ended, but I have been more cheerful. I have felt more emotion of other kinds, too.

We will see what else happens as time goes by.