Letters from Home – Page 142 – A blog by Angela Ross

For A. And E.

I finished this dolly last night after putting it off for a long time. Her hair was difficult; the dress wasn’t the exact shade I was trying to match; she kind of needs ears, but I didn’t stitch them; but mostly I am afraid to give it away because it is a goodbye gift. When fears and perfectionism get in the way, I need to remember that life is short. I want this doll to be held and not be a symbol of my hesitation. I don’t want to live a life of beating back the call of my heart. I want to run, led by a spirit of generosity, breathless, to the lives of others.

Thanks for joining me for this personal pep talk. What generous things does your heart tell you to do? Do you find it challenging to do exactly what your heart tells you?

Prom, Concert, Bear

The boys have reached some milestones and there have been a few nice windows into their lives recently. I am thankful for the things they have experienced during this school year, from academics and new responsibilities, to music, art, and friendships.

Daniel’s independence has always been high, but driving to school and up the freeway to work each day really seals it. He is a good listener and a steadying influence among his friends. It was a very different experience to send him to prom than it was to send Paige. I was glad to have the kids spend some time at our house after the dance.

Timothy is 4-5 inches taller than he was last August. He is a true friend. The way he wears his sleeves at his concerts is just. too. cool.

Mark finished his 4th grade math and grammar over a month ago, so we forge ahead in the 5th grade books, even though we’d both rather be doing other things. He earned his Bear and we bought the big Webelos handbook so we are ready for new challenges.

Extremity

(Image via Pinterest; originally from lisacongdon.com?)

I love comfort. I don’t like change, except maybe new knowledge or skills. Like a pebble in a stream, I want to find the perfect angle of repose, resting on the peaceful part of a gentle curve or at the bottom of a deep pool. But I am learning that my desire for quiet evenings wrapped in a soft blanket aren’t the best ground for my personal growth. It’s really in the extremities of my comfort zone that the Lord shows me what to do. Visiting, reaching out, praying for others besides myself, and being out of my comfortable house are my small sacrifices to gain the gift of charity. This enormous gift of charity is not proportional to my sacrifice, and it’s essential to the work.

A rock in the gentle part of the stream will become slimy, covered in algae, and certainly less beautiful as it just blends in to its surroundings. A rock, tumbling down the stream becomes smooth, clean, and beautiful. It may not be at rest; it may not be comfortable; but a tumbling pebble is moving forward with strength beyond its own. I am learning the ways of a tumbling pebble through some bumps, surges in speed, and lots of discomfort.

My goal is to reach out to someone every day. I knock on doors that I am pretty sure will not open. Sometimes it takes all my will to be brave and make a call or go to an event. I am not always successful, but I keep seeing that it’s in my extremity that I can be most helpful.

One day last week I had one unexpected hour without kids. I loaded my car with a few notes and papers to deliver. During this hour I was invited in to visit at two different houses. I learned that someone was in need of food and I helped with that. I prayed with someone. I saw the miracle of my time becoming magnified. I walked out of the second house the very minute I needed to get home to my kids, without needing to tell the person I was in a hurry. Later that evening, I felt like I needed to deliver one more thing. Once again I didn’t have much time, and I had already been out visiting, but I walked out of the house anyway. Immediately the person I saw said, “I was hoping I could talk to you. I just found out we need some help…. ”

I fail more than I succeed, but I can see that it’s truly the Lord that guides and fuels this work of helping others. And that lesson is much better than my limited, comfortable version of the good life.

Mom, there’s a stuffed rooster in the drawer.

My dad hid this for laughs in a chest of drawers we inherited. And we did laugh, until we realized one of us was going to have to get it out of there.

Do you see the dismembered talon? I picked that up with a Kleenex. And I call myself a zoology major…

The Spencer and Stewart tradition of hanging stuffed pheasants over doorways will likely end with this generation.

(Whuuuurghaaaack)

Two groups of friends

One thing I have been surprised to see is how our kids have found friends from the same families. The families don’t live close to us; the siblings don’t hang out together; they don’t attend the same schools; our boys have just found similar temperaments and interests in these friends. One night last week, several of them crossed paths at our house. I am thankful that they have good friends.

History was made.

I won a game. I actually won a game for the first time in my life. Maybe I don’t hate games, after all. (Inner voice: Let’s not be hasty, Angela.)

Mark’s baseball game got rained out last night so we had a game night for family home evening instead. We said we’d only play for an hour, but we all wanted to keep playing beyond that, ignoring electronic devices and bedtime.

Since Paige moved away, family home evening has been a little disjointed. It’s been harder. She is the one in the family to remind us about traditions. Our lessons have been of lower quality. Many nights this year we have just read and talked about scriptures without extra preparation.Even if we don’t have planned activities, if we’re in the scriptures, I call it a win.

A favorite lesson lately came from the New Era from last May and June. There were questions to interview parents, such as what was it like growing up? What was your worst date?….etc.

There are a lot of family home evenings to plan over the 30 years we have to raise our children. We’ve got 8 more years, but around 20 are gone. Did we do enough? Probably not. But we keep trying.

Mothers Day thoughts

Motherhood is important to me and I’ve written a lot about it. Here are some posts from the past that tell some of the story. Don’t read them all. That would be ridiculous. Happy Mothers Day!

Veiled Memories: Our children will forget the specifics, but we will not.

They Looked to their Mothers: The best honors go to mothers.

In the Afternoon Sun: What I think about while I am doing housework.

Our First Teen Party: for laughs

The Stroller: for a little cry

Loneliness: You’re going to be lonely, but it can be a catalyst for growth.

A Memory of a Summer Afternoon: One of my favorite phrases from my boys is, “Look, Mom!”

My Changing Role: nurturing and letting go

An Empty Frame: Our biggest work can’t be captured in a photograph.

The Lion, the Witch, and the Minivan: I love and always will love my minivan. No shame. It’s a great second home.

Little Men: Why I love raising boys.

A New World to Me: I’m a stage mom now?

Tomorrow I’ll Listen Better: Sometimes I am so busy that I neglect those for whom I am doing all of this.

Happy Mothers Day from the Kids: I am so glad that Richard recorded these little boys singing to me.

Family update

Richard is a busy Scoutmaster. One night he took Mark with his Scout troop to tour the State Capitol.

1-DSC_0585 — Mark is in his last weeks as a Bear in Cub Scouts.

1-DSC_0598 — Richard is doing an amazing job working with these boys. Recently, all of the deacons completed their requirements for Duty to God. The incentive? Doughnuts.

1-DSC_1137 — Timothy participated in the school district band concert, the only trombone player from his band to be selected.

1-DSC_1150 — Our tree erupted into masses of blossoms, its boughs weighed down in heroic efforts to be lovely. Seriously, we have never seen such blossoms on our magnificent tree.

1-DSC_1191 — We watched our nephew for a couple of weeks and we resurrected the toys and board books from storage to entertain him.

1-DSC_1192 — Mark is our only baseball player this season, and from now on. If the pitch is good you can count on him to get a hit.

1-DSC_1204 — This is the ONLY quilting I have had time to do in a month, but this English Paper piecing project was mostly done by hand, while watching Fixer Upper on Netflix.

1-1-DSC_0630 — Paige moved out of the dorms and into a little apartment on University Avenue owned by my parents. She is attending school this summer. Over the past few weeks we learned that she received a full scholarship and was accepted into two art programs. She declared her major to be Illustration. Sorry, Paige if I have this project oriented the wrong way. I love it in any direction.

1-DSC_2479 — This is an old picture, but Daniel is elusive. Busy with a new job as a clerk at Geneva Rock, playing piano, and studying for an AP test, he has many interesting conversations with friends about Prom coming up in a few weeks.

1-2016-03-12 015 — Photo by Janine Clarke. When I looked at this picture of our Relief Society choir, the first thought was, a stranger would never guess that the little woman with the messy ponytail on the back row is serving as the Relief Society president. I don’t look presidential. I am young. When I sang in this choir I trembled and thought I was going to fall over from fright. See how weak I am? My calling is hard. I hear sad things and the hardest thing is that I want to run to people all the time, but I can’t and shouldn’t. I am not the solution to anybody’s problems, but I do think I can point them to the real solutions in Christ. I do this with hugs, meals, visits, notes, teaching, and prayer. So much of what I do is on my own, but my counselors and secretary are the very best and hold me up in countless ways, whether it’s encouraging words, powdered sugar late at night, driving, taking over when I am too busy with family emergencies, and teaching me. They also make me laugh. I didn’t know them when I asked for them to be in my presidency, but my Father in Heaven knew I needed them.

My Grandmother’s Obituary

1-DSC_0108 — Photo by Rachel Gee. We attended Richard’s dad’s 80th birthday party in St George. Good times.

Answers

Simplify.

Delegate.

Cancel.

Slow down.

Breathe.

Look at the Sky.

Enjoy those flowers.

Don’t be hard on yourself.

Focus on family now.

You are doing enough.

Visit her now.

Walk away from it.

Decline that request.

That project can wait.

Stay for the whole game.

You don’t need to fix this.

It’s ok that you have limitations.

These are a few of the simple messages that the Spirit taught me this month. Also, it reminded me of this talk by President Uchtdorf.

One of the things we learn from studying the growth of trees is that during seasons when conditions are ideal, trees grow at a normal rate. However, during seasons when growing conditions are not ideal, trees slow down their growth and devote their energy to the basic elements necessary for survival.

…What do you suppose pilots do when they encounter turbulence? A student pilot may think that increasing speed is a good strategy because it will get them through the turbulence faster. But that may be the wrong thing to do. Professional pilots understand that there is an optimum turbulence penetration speed that will minimize the negative effects of turbulence. And most of the time that would mean to reduce your speed. The same principle applies also to speed bumps on a road.

Therefore, it is good advice to slow down a little, steady the course, and focus on the essentials when experiencing adverse conditions.

This is a simple but critical lesson to learn. It may seem logical when put in terms of trees or turbulence, but it’s surprising how easy it is to ignore this lesson when it comes to applying these principles in our own daily lives. When stress levels rise, when distress appears, when tragedy strikes, too often we attempt to keep up the same frantic pace or even accelerate, thinking somehow that the more rushed our pace, the better off we will be.

-Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “Of Things that Matter Most,” October 2010

4-24-16

The morning my grandmother died, and before I got the call, I gathered these flowers from my yard. How appropriate that as memories of her come into focus, every window, and nearly every surface of the house offers a view of flowers. The impression that my grandmother’s sparkly, selfless, beautiful spirit has left causes me to sit up a little straighter, not complain, give generously, and offer a polished, ladylike response at some times, and at others, try (unsuccessfully)not to giggle during the prayer. Popcorn, flags, red things, and heirlooms are good. Pierced ears, sloppy nails, and wearing t-shirts at church are not so good. I think that I will never sit with someone with such elegance and dignity again.