Richard was going to work a few hours from home today, and I just finished reading the book, Far From the Madding Crowd. I decided to watch the movie by myself on Vid Angel. He sat down to watch the first scene with me and immediately liked what he saw. Work was forgotten and we spent the afternoon watching this beautiful adaptation of Thomas Hardy’s novel together.
It’s good, good, good. It is certainly not as rich as the book, but the cinematography is as beautiful as Thomas Hardy’s descriptions. Most of the lead actors are just right, especially Gabriel Oak and Bathsheba Everdeen.
I won’t share the experiences that prompted these lessons learned, but they are mine and maybe one will be helpful to you today.
Don’t forget to season your opinions with love for others.
You can love your opinions too much. These monuments to your “wisdom” and experience can be like idols, blinding you to the greater truths and realities that are all around you. Many truths can only be found through empathy and understanding for others and a willingness to obey God’s will.
When we speak out from a place of emotional pain or anger, it is easy to lose empathy and compassion, because these feelings draw us into ourselves. Anger and pain are part of life, but God is the best one to sort out these feelings with.
What will it matter that I made my point, if I lose a portion of my capacity to love in the process?
I just deleted an obnoxious post listing all the things I did yesterday. I listed them under categories: Things I did for my kids, husband, church, community, and self. Here is the breakdown of how long the paragraphs under these headings were:
Things I did for my kids : (7 lines)
Things I did for my husband : (3 lines)
Things I did for my calling : (4 lines)
Things I did for my community: (1 line)
Things I did for myself: (2 lines)
So why did I delete the post? As I surveyed the intricacies of my day, it seemed to me that a lot of what I do is menial. A lot of what I do is repetitive. In all the listing and doing, I lost sight of the beautiful, most important parts of the day. What I want to remember about August 31, 2016 is not how many errands I ran, but who I ran the errands for and who I interacted with along the way. The most important things I did were not things, they were the interactions and connections I had with others.
Some reached out to me; I reached out to some; Others I visited, called, or wrote.
Here is a list of the people of August 31, 2016:
Richard
Paige
Daniel
Timothy
Mark
Tiffany
Courtland
Rachel
Jen
Kristy
Charlene
Cindy
Heidi
Dean
Roy
Camille
Sam
Janine
Steve
Ray
Shauna
Annette
Connie
Heather
Kiana
Cree
Sue
Kaye
Jennifer
Maren
Kelly
Wow, I didn’t realize how long this list would be. I am feeling really blessed to be surrounded by so many good people.
I loved this quote from “Dressing Your Truth: Discover Your Type of Beauty” by Carol Tuttle. It addresses some of what I was trying to write earlier this week, but came off sounding accusatory instead of inspirational. I need to remember love in every opinion I choose to express.
In her book Return to Love, Marianne Williamson said, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; its in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
The women in our family wear a tiara when they advance to a new decade.We have a 20 year old.11th and 8th grade. Sorry, the picture is blurry because we were laughing.Our free range child, in 5th grade this year in home school
She’s back at BYU. They’re back in the hallways and classrooms. Mark and I are back in session with home schooling. This transition to school felt pretty easy this year. No one started a new school, moved, or needed a lot of clothing and books.
It’s been a few years since I have been in this state about sending kids away each day to school,
Michael Carson
and I am very thankful that I can teach Mark at home. I have tried to write this post several times since school started, but I learned that I don’t want to share much on this topic. I feel these milestones and beginnings deeply. I feel my differences in approach strongly at this time of year. So be it.
I posted this, took it down, posted it, took it down, and now it’s back, seasoned with more love. I decided this view is needed in a culture that encourages women to speak publicly of their faults and failings and parade negative details of their personal relationships. I received more feedback on this post than any I have written this year. This tells me that this is something we need to think about.
I was in a room full of women and someone asked me a very pointed question, that if I were to answer truthfully, it would set me and someone I love in a negative light. I answered truthfully, and I instantly regretted it. I think she was trying to humanize me, or make me more relatable. I felt crucified; my relationship with the person she asked about, tarnished. It made me sad that she thought it would help the group to hear me admit something negative about a personal relationship.
This kind of thing happens often among women. I’m not frustrated with a particular person, but a trend.
Some women have a habit that I rarely see in men, and that is the desire to compete for “last place.” Comments among women will often include someone admitting how bad they are at something. I try not to talk like this. However, it can feel really lonely to say I am doing well with something, or I have come to know something after a lot of effort. I admire women who speak from years of experience with confidence and positivity.
Some people want to “keep it real.” Some abase themselves so others can relate to them, or because they want to avoid bragging. Some women are just modest and don’t say anything. It is not wrong to be quiet, but I hope they feel empowered to speak when they need to.
I read reviews recently of a best selling book, a memoir of a woman exposing terrible, personal details of her marriage. Her aim is good, to help women be strong, but it feels sad to me that she felt the need to relate the most personal, horrible things to empower others.
No one FEELS perfect so it’s difficult to change the expectation of admitting failings publicly. If we focus on our negatives in order to feel accepted, are we really serving others? Or will the attention just be temporary, the definition of ourselves set as a victim or failure, as people hurry on to the next negative story? I wonder.
I will admit that my biggest trials and failures are where some of my most treasured understanding has come. Like pearls, my pain won’t be shown to just anyone, but the lessons I have learned, such as strength, empathy, and perspective can be shown in hundreds of ways without betraying myself.
I believe that it’s not necessary to broadcast our weaknesses or greatest pains, parading them like badges of humanity. Our weaknesses are still there, visible to many, whether we broadcast them or not. Our lives will have times when we need to acknowledge that we are grieving, or that we are experiencing difficulties. However, most of the time we can frame our lives in positives rather than negatives. I also believe we can change the outcome for our lives as we emphasize triumphs and hopes instead of our defeats and fears.
I read this on Facebook today. It was not directed at me, but it really made me think. We live in a time where people are looking for strength and signs of faith from their friends. Expressions of faith become an important responsibility in perilous times.
How will we share our faith today? Our electronic devices are powerful. How will we use them? We can contact hundreds, even thousands of people at a time through social media. Peter and Paul and Timothy would be astounded at the power we have to share the message of hope in Christ.
Here is some of what “Charity Never Faileth” means to me:
It’s possible to have courage and wisdom during difficult visits to the grieving, lonely, sick, and depressed. (Charity won’t fail you in challenging moments.)
My love for a person can endure, whether my hopes for that person are realized or not. (Charity doesn’t stop when a person chooses a different path than we imagined for them.)
When my feet are tired after many hours of standing, I can still smile. (Charity gives physical and emotional strength.)
Love for an individual is not contingent on a person’s behavior or any other thing. (Charity doesn’t limit us to our own circle; it expands our hearts to others.)
Expressions of charity are possible even when a person is going through a difficult time herself. (Charity allows a person who is grieving to support others.)
It is one of those qualities that we will take with us when we die, and it is one mark of a true disciple. (Charity defines us as Christ’s in the eternities.)
People will never forget even simple acts which are motivated by pure love. (True charity is etched in hearts, unforgettable and treasured.)
I also believe that daughters and sons of God can have this gift of charity in abundance, equally, but expressions of it will look very different. We need both men and women to develop charity. When men and women are motivated by the pure love of Christ, miracles will happen.
