So wrapped up in my thoughts, I misread the clock yesterday and made dinner very early. With my extra evening hours, I redecorated the shelves to embrace February, ready or not.
It is ward conference season and I am thinking a lot about my stake speaking assignments and ministering to very different needs among the wards. I am thinking about Paige and Michael’s move, and I am on the hunt for all the places I can display Paige’s art. Thinking is work. Writing talks and lesson plans is work. Planning is work, and so is settling into a new reality. When I accomplish something tangible, like cleaning out a closet or desk, I call it a nice break from the more arduous and intangible work going on within. Thinking is work.
Paige and Michael are moving out of state in a few weeks, and we have spent some time sorting her college art projects to consolidate the things she wants to take or leave behind. She is a skilled illustrator, and she also has a healthy collection of portraits and figure drawings that I admire. She agreed to let me keep some of these. But how do I choose?
I will always be thrilled to display my children’s work, no matter their age.
Here we are at Hale Center Theater to see A Christmas Carol. It was wonderful.Temple Square
Tim turned 20 this week.
To celebrate Tim’s birthday, Richard and I made a temple appointment. As I finished our temple session and entered the celestial room, I was greeted by a temple worker as I never have before. He simply said “Hi,” not a more formal “hello” or reverent nod, but a joyful “Hi!” It made me think of the welcome I hope for in heaven, just a familiar “Hi.”
Last Sunday at dinner, I gave a simple baby in a manger to each of our children for Christmas, a reminder that Christmas takes different forms during our lives, and sometimes it feels incomplete, with a loss or absence of a loved one. I have learned that Christmas can still be celebrated without the full scene. The simplest Nativity, without any of the other characters surrounding Christ, is still complete because of the Baby in the manger. Christ is the only essential, and he is always there. I also believe He wants a familiarity with us, a relationship that will continue forever. I believe he also wants to greet us with a familiar, “Hi,” someday.
Mark had his first recital with his new piano teacher tonight. I have never heard a recital like it. Every student was so prepared and expressive, no matter their level. It was an exquisite musical experience.
We are proud of Mark! O Holy Night was his piece, and Richard and I were lucky to hear him shine. It is not easy to change teachers, and taking lessons with his new teacher has required him to leave school early each day to do online school at home, practice, or attend a lesson. There are moments when all the hard work and sacrifice suddenly bring forth something special. Tonight was one of these times.❤️
The Timothy iteration of Elder Ross is super funny each week in our video calls. He talks about his service in understatements and we have to draw out the things a different missionary might bring up right away. He is serving in Palau on an island called Koror. He welcomes the rain on the hot, hot days, and he is training a missionary and finding plenty of people to teach. His latest video call was interrupted by a little boy (a frequent visitor on his calls) trying to get his attention by stealing his phone and running away with it. There were scenes of a little palm, then ceilings and hallways whizzing past on the screen, and a final interception by another missionary, a hello, and a handoff. This happened twice.
A lot happens during a mission. There are a lot of emotions. There is a lot of heart stretching taking place on both ends of the weekly call.
I like preparing dinner while this light comes through the windows.
I like Mark’s friends. They are the first among our children’s friends to regularly hang out here. I like the sound of laughter coming from our basement. I like sharing treats with them and having them fill our kitchen. They are funny, so smart, good, and lively.
I like having people of all ages at our house. I keep toys ready for children and food for teens. They also like our video collection. To welcome adults, I have had to let go of concern about what the carpet looks like, or that the floor isn’t mopped, and that I don’t decorate like HGTV, and just welcome people inside. I have changed a lot in my level of hospitality. It is good (for a planner like me) to let go of the tidy plan, and embrace the messy one that allows people to feel loved and allows us to be seen as we really are. Our house has been especially full of friends the past few months. Just saying “Come in!” has a strong effect on friendships.
Mark had some great moments as a homeschool student. He said funny and clever things all the time. He also drew a lot of good pictures. These monsters and action scenes were drawn about 7 years ago in the margins of his math notebooks, but I am just getting around to displaying them. I cut them out, scanned them, and arranged them into a collage with my computer.
My favorite word lately is “curate,” as I am being mindful of what I keep and display. Now I think it would be cute to create a similar collage of artwork from each child. The art box is one of the last holdouts in my purge of homeschool papers.
Richard arranged for our family to enjoy one last camping trip this year. He reserved a large campsite in Midway with beautiful views of the changing leaves on the mountains and Heber Valley. It was chilly, but we enjoyed generous food portions, a break from phone service, plenty of hot cocoa, and singing around the fire with a guitar. Life felt pretty good. Happy 23rd Birthday to Daniel! And happy Conference weekend.
Our kids are well beyond the kindergarten stage, so why have I kept their school papers all these years?
Denial that they are grown and gone
Nostalgia for those sweet days with our kids
Avoiding emotions
These papers are proof that I accomplished something as a home educator.
NO MORE. This week I got rid of nearly all my children’s home school papers, saving just a few things that make my heart flip. I have emptied several shelves this week, yet somehow the bookcases are still full. My random piles of books are finding homes on the empty shelves, and I am gaining momentum in my ability to part with things.
Educating my children was a big part of my life, so this process of parting with papers is emotional. I have learned that most children are not sentimental about their school projects, so there is no need to save much. I know now that whatever I save is mainly for me. Understanding this has made the process much easier. I remind myself that I don’t need every writing sample, but I would like a few pages of each child’s writing and some special projects and art. This script made it possible for me to part with several armloads of paper and workbooks, which I lowered into the garbage can, carefully, as I would into a grave.
It occurs to me that keeping a small, curated collection is a greater tribute to these years than a bunch of binders bursting with paper.
After each session of cleaning, I comfort myself by reading or cross stitching. All these realizations and diversions help me to face the task of letting go.
I’m almost finished with this one. Do you recognize it? It is based on a Klimt painting called The Kiss. I love the colors.
This is the first gift that I bestowed upon you; and I have commanded that you should pretend to no other gift until my purpose is fulfilled in this; for I will grant unto you no other gift until it is finished.
Doctrine and Covenants 4:5
Sometimes I feel restless for the next step. We are almost finished raising children at home and I feel interested to know where to put my energy.
Some insight came last week as I studied the Doctrine and Covenants. This verse is about the gift of translation for Joseph Smith, but I learned a few things about my own situation from these words.
My phase of life is a gift. These are important, poignant days in our family.
I don’t need all the gifts at once.
There will be other gifts when this phase is finished.
I need to be patient and see this through.
There is no need to pretend a work other than the one the Lord has planned for me. It is enough.
