Life according to Angela – Page 45

In friendship…we think we have chosen our peers. In reality a few years’ difference in the dates of our births, a few more miles between certain houses, the choice of one university instead of another…the accident of a topic being raised or not raised at a first meeting- any of these chances might have kept us apart. But, for a Christian, there are, strictly speaking, no chances. A master of secret ceremonies has been at work.

Christ, who said to the disciples, “Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you,” can truly say to every group of Christian friends, “Ye have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another.” The friendship is not a reward for our discriminating and good taste in finding one another. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each of us the beauties of others.

C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

My childhood friends gathered at a park near our elementary school in Provo to solve the world’s problems. The editor of the high school paper, the cheerleader, the actress, and I still found a way to get the giggles, despite all.

We were given an incredible gift

One hundred years ago, my Swedish and Finnish ancestors arrived in the United States. In the old countries, they were poor tenant farmers, but in America, they gave up farming and learned new skills. Within a generation or two, their children were planted solidly in the middle class.

In my reading this week, I learned that the American focus on individualism can make us prone to think we arrive at our current successes on our own. We can easily take pride in our personal efforts, taking for granted the sacrifices of parents and ancestors, including the homes, neighborhoods, and schools they created. There are daily and hourly sacrifices parents make for their children, but there are those in our ancestry whose sacrifices were just enormous. Many made the drastic move from all they knew: language, culture, livelihood, and family, to plant their family firmly in a higher class. To be upwardly mobile in class is an astounding feat, no matter when it takes place. Our family still claims blessings from this shift. It is a remarkable gift.

Odds and Ends

This was the week we were to be in Washington DC with our boys. I can’t say I wish we were there, based on current events, but we will make it back someday. If I were there in happier circumstances, I would sit on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial for a long time and seek some wisdom. I would give quiet pause to those represented by monuments and memorials. I would savor this view of the Potomac from Mount Vernon, and express gratitude for the founders’ sacrifices which we should honor, and for their vision we are still working to realize. Since I am home, I am doing other work to understand the issues of this time.

Last week, the power went out for an hour in the evening, just as I was about to cook something. I was so bothered by this inconsequential, silly inconvenience, and I can’t explain why this little thing toppled me when I have been adapting and adapting just like everyone else to changes of plan.

I realized I needed to make a list of joyful things I could do when plans fall through, as they continue to do. Most ideas didn’t require electricity or money. I have discovered that I have many projects waiting in boxes and shelves, sown with great intention, but without a harvest. I try to do a few joyful things each day, but really, being able to stand and make dinner, or clean a bathroom is a blessing after being out for so many weeks. I do miss conversations with women, yet I can’t make myself do anything about it, and when I am with people, I wilt. I am out of practice and out of so many people’s lives. I am doing the best I can, just like you, although our lives might look different. Here are two small things from my joy list:

I’ve had this unopened Ikea greenhouse for at least 3 years, and it took 10 minutes to put together to make a display case for my grandmothers’ teacups. 😍

We collected these tiles from the old round house in Spring Lake. I removed decades of hard water deposits from them, a project I have put off for 6 years. They are so pretty!

Barriers Down

When I remember this time, I want this night to represent how many barriers have gone down in my neighborhood. In my interactions, there has been a warm and welcoming spirit among neighbors, including conversations that wouldn’t normally happen, and genuine smiley greetings from more than the usual neighbors.

In attendance at this neighborhood concert featuring Liam’s rock band, Psychedelic Purple, was more than the church-going crowd. We gathered at a distance, and we were invited to sit on the lawn of neighbors I know and love, but do not see in my usual circles. As I looked around at the faces, I thought how none of us have been to church in a while. Perhaps it took removing church and other things from our lives to get us on the same lawn. God knows what he is doing. And when we can go back to church and activities again, we need to keep gathering at our homes and lawns, as good neighbors should. We defied labels and barriers during these months. May it continue and expand.

Goodbye, Judy

Today is the private burial service for my friend and neighbor Judy. Grief turns on the whole spectrum of emotions: anger, sadness, disappointment, and even happiness. I feel anger because I couldn’t say goodbye and because of some other things. The sadness comes when I look out my kitchen window and see her house. It’s been months since I could check on her from my window to see that she was eating a little dinner, and I still miss that. Her house is full of strange new shadows and happenings. I am disappointed not to be playing violin at her funeral, Brightly Beams Our Father’s Mercy, like she asked, or preparing a salad for a family luncheon. The happiness is in knowing she is at peace, and I know she is back to work, smiling, teaching, and living.

Movies that entertained me during our long months at home

I have kept a journal of events and thoughts during this time, but that journal does not list little things like food we ate or videos I watched. So, in the spirit of remembering this time, here is my movie list for the past while. I have done nothing noble for quite some time, and I am ok with that. Many of these movies kept me company while I healed, and I wonder if I will always associate them with the listless months of 2020. I have starred the movies I would watch again someday, and I own all but two of these films. This collection has turned out to be a comforting element of emergency preparedness. Who knew?

Harriet*

Little Women (2 versions, 2017 Masterpiece version was my fave this time.)*

Emma (3 versions so far. One more to go.)*

Pride and Prejudice (Keira Knightley version)*

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (Ben Stiller version)*

War and Peace miniseries BBC 2016*

Cinderella 2015*

Frozen II

Wreck it Ralph II

Into the Spiderverse*

Thoroughly Modern Millie

Daniel Deronda miniseries BBC

The Lord of the Rings trilogy*

The Quiet Man

The Court Jester (worth it for one viewing)

Wives and Daughters miniseries BBC*

North and South miniseries BBC

Seven Brides for Seven Brothers*

Sabrina, Harrison Ford and Julia Ormond version*

The Devil Wears Prada (This was awful.)

A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood*

Wonder*

Tangled*

Mirror, Mirror* (for the costumes)

Christopher Robin*

Beauty and the Beast, live action*

The Hundred Foot Journey*

Persuasion, two versions*

The Nutcracker 2018*

The Importance of Being Earnest*

Far From the Madding Crowd*

On the shelf for the coming days:

Finding Neverland

Darkest Hour

Sleepless in Seattle

Little Women 2019

Emma, Gweneth Paltrow version

Lights in the windows

I have kept the twinkle lights in our windows since Christmas time, one of the best purchases I ever made. Slowly, I pick up projects again, and watch some movies in the long afternoons. Embroidery, simple coloring projects, and reading are also ways I pass the time, and it’s better when someone plays the piano in the background. The pianist in the video is Timothy. This scene is one of my versions of heaven.

I awake to morning light dancing through the leaves of trees. I end the day with small lights against dark sky, all good things.

Our family turned 25

Paige drew this for me. I love it.

It was our 25th anniversary a few days ago. I didn’t feel up to celebrating during my molasses-paced recovery, so I suggested we treat the day like it was just another day, nothing special. I couldn’t shop, cook, or wear something with a waistband. I couldn’t even think of something clever to write in a card. I did bake Richard’s favorite bread, and he watched Cinderella with me. Still, we will need to make up for this missed anniversary someday. I indulged in self-pity about my leash of limitations instead of being happy. There is always a choice between happiness and the other thing, but oh, happiness was tough last week!

April 2020 Snapshots

Our friend’s name was read during General Conference. We raised our hands high to sustain him.

I pinch myself sometimes to see all the boys home.

Easter dinner: pulled pork, baked beans, homemade rolls, layered green salad

Stake Council Zoom meeting, hearing a missionary report

I didn’t post much about family life in April. Days are smudged in my memory, all about the same. Sundays we gathered for dinner and to watch old home movies. Richard worked an unconscionable demand of hours, mostly from home, thankful to be employed. I have watched the clock for entertainment since my surgery, content to do almost nothing. We watched a movie almost every evening. Daniel has been a primary care giver to me, and we have had some good talks. Tim has worked outdoors, mowing and aerating, and has been faithful in completing school work. I learned quickly that I should not ask him about school. He manages his life like a boss. Mark was most content to be home, with days uncluttered by middle school nonsense. He talks through each assignment aloud, frustrations and triumphs sounding in my ears. We have eaten more takeout than usual, hoping to keep our favorite restaurants alive. Also, friends have provided a lot of meals since my surgery. I finished reading The Lord of the Rings trilogy and watched the movies. That was a good choice. April was the best and the worst. I know you can relate.

Losses and Gains

I am home from the hospital, feeling a little neglected because I am not awakened each morning at 3 or 4 am to stand on a scale and have my blood pressure checked. 😉

I have lost a length of my intestine. I have lost sleep, my appetite, and a lot of weight. But I have also lost a level of fear about this time, its isolation and uncertainty, and illness in general. People really do take care of one another. So, with all the losses, there are gains in perspective and understanding.

I am not able to focus on reading very well, so I have been reading my notes I took during my Book of Mormon study before my surgery. On the day I became ill, before I had any idea my life was about to change, I wrote these notes, under the caption of “Life Instructions during the Covid-19 pandemic”:

Remember God has delivered your ancestors. (Alma 36:2)
Trust God. You will be supported in this. (Alma 36:3)
The Atonement [of Christ] covers the harmful effects of [everything]. Let your mind catch hold on this thought: Christ’s mercy. He will make all this suffering better. He is that powerful. (Alma 36:14-18)