Life according to Angela – Page 44

The glue of traditions and memories

All of our children at the cabin (first time since 2017)✔️ River runs✔️ Wildlife✔️ Wildflowers✔️ Extended family ( ) Memories and thoughts of extended family✔️✔️

Our 2020 Sanchez family reunion is being done in shifts, with each sibling and my parents invited to take a day at the cabin. Memories and traditions fill voids when we can’t be together. This year is just a blip in a very long story.

This is the usual crowd at the cabin each year:

2017 (the last time all of our children were at the Weber with us)

What did we do with our 24 hours at the cabin this year? We read, played a couple of games, went on walks, collected rocks, and went tubing!

On Living in the Covid-19 Age

My mom, cousin, sister, and I gathered outdoors for a socially distanced movie night with a projector and screen (we are pictured behind the screen for light). We were responsible and cautious and happy.

My friend shared this, and whether the quote and citation are perfect, I do not know, but I like these ideas from C.S. Lewis. Just read Covid-19 in the place of Atomic Age and there you go. We have permission to live joyfully.

Just some small talk

On this cloudy monsoon afternoon, we hope that we might get more than three drops of rain, the exact number we saw fall yesterday in similar circumstances. Our grass and trees cry out in newly pale shades of green, hastening yellows, and crusty browns. I move around the hose and sprinkler to dry spots throughout the day.

Inside, the washing machine whirrs and sometimes rattles along. Its noise is the accompaniment to most late mornings and early afternoons. I don’t “hear” the noise, but Richard surely does, and tries, in vain, to keep the door to the mudroom closed.

This week, we are having a full-house fan installed for better ventilation. My sense of smell hasn’t diminished like my sight and hearing. I am hopeful that the fan will help improve what I will call, “air quality.” Richard is hopeful that cool night air can be fanned in, lowering our electric bills.

I read through old notebooks filled with church notes last week while I waited in the car during Mark’s piano lessons. I always felt the notes were helpful during the week following church, but I never guessed how comforting they would be when church was taken away. Some weeks, I took great notes. Other times, I didn’t make a connection with a speaker. I have my favorite leaders and speakers, for sure. Reading their quotes and my impressions as they speak is a way I stay connected to them.

A trigger for memories of this pandemic will be the smell of my laundered fabric mask as I put it on before shopping. I don’t mind wearing a mask at all, as long as I don’t go overboard with too many filters inside.

These are things I am thinking about:

WHAT in are we going to do about high school this year? We have a freshman and a senior. We have endless options, including (gasp) the option of teaching the school curriculum at home for full credit. We are living in the Twilight Zone.
I CANNOT sit another day in the living room without moving around some furniture.
I think I will read another hefty biography. The Theodore Roosevelt trilogy is calling to me. It must be all the Blue Bloods that Richard and I have watched during the pandemic. When you know, you know.

A light that keeps shining in Christ

This summer caught me by surprise by the social upheaval, divisive language, and violence, on top of the realities of pandemic living. In the early weeks of June, I felt myself shutting down, pulling inward, and wanting to never interact with another person. I felt deeply conflicted by what I was viewing on the screen. Drawing inward seemed the best option, succumbing to the sense of powerlessness I felt. But something changed as I realized that as a disciple of Christ, I had no business giving up to despair.

I couldn’t solve the problems around me. I couldn’t hasten my healing from surgery. But I could be a voice of faith in every conversation. I could also declare my faith by showing up for people more often. I could do the work to try to understand another point of view. I could speak plainly about the goodness of God. When someone asked how terrible my health was, giving me an opportunity to complain, I could talk instead about angels and peace and God’s love. I squared my shoulders to continue writing here. Has any of this made a difference? I don’t know for others, but for myself, it was a pivotal decision to be counted as a light that keeps shining in Christ.

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. -2 Timothy 1:7

Wilderness and Plenty

Some thoughts and good words from studying the Book of Mormon lately:

The Lord didn’t command Nephi to build a ship until after an 8-year wilderness journey, followed by many days of rest in a bountiful place. You may be in the wilderness level of experience some days, focused on survival. There is value in the wilderness experience, and don’t be frustrated you are not asked to do creative tasks at this time. There will be a bountiful life ahead and creative endeavors to come. (1 Nephi 17:1-2, 6-8)

Even the simplest words, given in faith, can have great effect. (2 Nephi 3:20-21)

“Many shall be afflicted in the flesh, and shall not be suffered to perish, because of the prayers of the faithful.” (2 Nephi 6:11) The Lord is consistent throughout history: the prayers of the faithful bring help to all around. Keep praying for relief from Covid-19, for the gathering of Israel, and for softened hearts for mankind. Prayer is a work best done in isolation.

To the degree that I rely on the “sparks” kindled by others over the light that Christ offers, I need to repent. Seek his light above other philosophies and ideas. (2 Nephi 7:11)

Being separated from what you know is not to be “cast off.” The Lord leads the righteous to a better place. Focus on the blessings and opportunities from this isolating time. (2 Nephi 10:20)

“The Lord hath commanded … That they should not have malice, that they should not contend one with another…whoso doeth them shall perish.” (2 Nephi 26:22)

“He denieth none that come unto him, black and white, bond and free, male and female…all are alike unto God.” (2 Nephi 27:33)

“They that erred in spirit shall come to understanding” (2 Nephi 27:35) Truth will not elude us forever, and we can be patient with one another as we do our best to figure things out right now.

God still rules the earth, not just the heavens. (2 Nephi 29:7)

Reception of the Holy Ghost brings the ability to SPEAK with the tongue of angels, not just receive from them. We should be active in speaking our faith wherever we are. To do this, we need to feast on the words of Christ so we know how to act in our own circumstances. (2 Nephi 32:2-3)

There is so much knowledge in plain sight in the Book of Mormon, but it takes searching to find. (2 Nephi 32:7)

You can be one of the “many who have many revelations daily” if you repent and if you have faith. (Jarom 1:4)

Life purpose

Profound.

June

June is probably my favorite month in Utah. As I begin my walks, my favorite spot is just down the street where the air is fragrant from flowers I cannot see or name. I wish my life always smelled like this. Jasmine? The neighbors have really done a beautiful job this year with their yards. I walk for miles now through the streets, but haven’t ventured to the trails. My phone messages are adorned by photos of Richard and the boys hiking. “Wish you were here…”

This evening, I worked up the courage to knock on some doors to talk to friends in person. It took all day to make myself do this, as I am so out of practice being a human being. I decided to bake bread, a trusty excuse for a hand delivery, only I accidentally turned off the oven mid-baking for about 15 minutes. With the intensity of a contestant on the Great British Baking Show, I reheated the oven, covered the tops with foil, and continued to bake until they “plunked” when I hit them with my finger.

Some questions remain: How many people have I overlooked during my haze? I feel I owe people an apology for not being “around,” even for texting or phonecalls. And, how can I find another excuse to knock on more friends’ doors? Because those socially distanced, in-person conversations on doorsteps were so good for me.

In friendship…we think we have chosen our peers. In reality a few years’ difference in the dates of our births, a few more miles between certain houses, the choice of one university instead of another…the accident of a topic being raised or not raised at a first meeting- any of these chances might have kept us apart. But, for a Christian, there are, strictly speaking, no chances. A master of secret ceremonies has been at work.

Christ, who said to the disciples, “Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you,” can truly say to every group of Christian friends, “Ye have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another.” The friendship is not a reward for our discriminating and good taste in finding one another. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each of us the beauties of others.

C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

My childhood friends gathered at a park near our elementary school in Provo to solve the world’s problems. The editor of the high school paper, the cheerleader, the actress, and I still found a way to get the giggles, despite all.

We were given an incredible gift

One hundred years ago, my Swedish and Finnish ancestors arrived in the United States. In the old countries, they were poor tenant farmers, but in America, they gave up farming and learned new skills. Within a generation or two, their children were planted solidly in the middle class.

In my reading this week, I learned that the American focus on individualism can make us prone to think we arrive at our current successes on our own. We can easily take pride in our personal efforts, taking for granted the sacrifices of parents and ancestors, including the homes, neighborhoods, and schools they created. There are daily and hourly sacrifices parents make for their children, but there are those in our ancestry whose sacrifices were just enormous. Many made the drastic move from all they knew: language, culture, livelihood, and family, to plant their family firmly in a higher class. To be upwardly mobile in class is an astounding feat, no matter when it takes place. Our family still claims blessings from this shift. It is a remarkable gift.

Odds and Ends

This was the week we were to be in Washington DC with our boys. I can’t say I wish we were there, based on current events, but we will make it back someday. If I were there in happier circumstances, I would sit on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial for a long time and seek some wisdom. I would give quiet pause to those represented by monuments and memorials. I would savor this view of the Potomac from Mount Vernon, and express gratitude for the founders’ sacrifices which we should honor, and for their vision we are still working to realize. Since I am home, I am doing other work to understand the issues of this time.

Last week, the power went out for an hour in the evening, just as I was about to cook something. I was so bothered by this inconsequential, silly inconvenience, and I can’t explain why this little thing toppled me when I have been adapting and adapting just like everyone else to changes of plan.

I realized I needed to make a list of joyful things I could do when plans fall through, as they continue to do. Most ideas didn’t require electricity or money. I have discovered that I have many projects waiting in boxes and shelves, sown with great intention, but without a harvest. I try to do a few joyful things each day, but really, being able to stand and make dinner, or clean a bathroom is a blessing after being out for so many weeks. I do miss conversations with women, yet I can’t make myself do anything about it, and when I am with people, I wilt. I am out of practice and out of so many people’s lives. I am doing the best I can, just like you, although our lives might look different. Here are two small things from my joy list: