I was able to hike this week, which is something I have been working on since my surgery in April.
Healing is not a steady slope upward; it is a loopty-loop, a song on endless repeat, triumphs followed almost immediately by days in bed, isolating, and boring.
This snail on the trail enjoyed the little details I would have missed at a faster pace. It is so good to be able to hike again.
I am enchanted by little jars of rocks with words printed on each, such as peace, joy, contentment, love, rest, etc, with a label on the jar which reads, “Take what you need.”
I made this scripture pep talk a few years ago, and I don’t think I shared it here. Take what you need.
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All of our children at the cabin (first time since 2017)✔️ River runs✔️ Wildlife✔️ Wildflowers✔️ Extended family ( ) Memories and thoughts of extended family✔️✔️
Our 2020 Sanchez family reunion is being done in shifts, with each sibling and my parents invited to take a day at the cabin. Memories and traditions fill voids when we can’t be together. This year is just a blip in a very long story.
This is the usual crowd at the cabin each year:
What did we do with our 24 hours at the cabin this year? We read, played a couple of games, went on walks, collected rocks, and went tubing!
My friend shared this, and whether the quote and citation are perfect, I do not know, but I like these ideas from C.S. Lewis. Just read Covid-19 in the place of Atomic Age and there you go. We have permission to live joyfully.
On this cloudy monsoon afternoon, we hope that we might get more than three drops of rain, the exact number we saw fall yesterday in similar circumstances. Our grass and trees cry out in newly pale shades of green, hastening yellows, and crusty browns. I move around the hose and sprinkler to dry spots throughout the day.
Inside, the washing machine whirrs and sometimes rattles along. Its noise is the accompaniment to most late mornings and early afternoons. I don’t “hear” the noise, but Richard surely does, and tries, in vain, to keep the door to the mudroom closed.
This week, we are having a full-house fan installed for better ventilation. My sense of smell hasn’t diminished like my sight and hearing. I am hopeful that the fan will help improve what I will call, “air quality.” Richard is hopeful that cool night air can be fanned in, lowering our electric bills.
I read through old notebooks filled with church notes last week while I waited in the car during Mark’s piano lessons. I always felt the notes were helpful during the week following church, but I never guessed how comforting they would be when church was taken away. Some weeks, I took great notes. Other times, I didn’t make a connection with a speaker. I have my favorite leaders and speakers, for sure. Reading their quotes and my impressions as they speak is a way I stay connected to them.
A trigger for memories of this pandemic will be the smell of my laundered fabric mask as I put it on before shopping. I don’t mind wearing a mask at all, as long as I don’t go overboard with too many filters inside.
These are things I am thinking about:
This summer caught me by surprise by the social upheaval, divisive language, and violence, on top of the realities of pandemic living. In the early weeks of June, I felt myself shutting down, pulling inward, and wanting to never interact with another person. I felt deeply conflicted by what I was viewing on the screen. Drawing inward seemed the best option, succumbing to the sense of powerlessness I felt. But something changed as I realized that as a disciple of Christ, I had no business giving up to despair.
I couldn’t solve the problems around me. I couldn’t hasten my healing from surgery. But I could be a voice of faith in every conversation. I could also declare my faith by showing up for people more often. I could do the work to try to understand another point of view. I could speak plainly about the goodness of God. When someone asked how terrible my health was, giving me an opportunity to complain, I could talk instead about angels and peace and God’s love. I squared my shoulders to continue writing here. Has any of this made a difference? I don’t know for others, but for myself, it was a pivotal decision to be counted as a light that keeps shining in Christ.
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. -2 Timothy 1:7
Some thoughts and good words from studying the Book of Mormon lately:
The Lord didn’t command Nephi to build a ship until after an 8-year wilderness journey, followed by many days of rest in a bountiful place. You may be in the wilderness level of experience some days, focused on survival. There is value in the wilderness experience, and don’t be frustrated you are not asked to do creative tasks at this time. There will be a bountiful life ahead and creative endeavors to come. (1 Nephi 17:1-2, 6-8)
Even the simplest words, given in faith, can have great effect. (2 Nephi 3:20-21)
“Many shall be afflicted in the flesh, and shall not be suffered to perish, because of the prayers of the faithful.” (2 Nephi 6:11) The Lord is consistent throughout history: the prayers of the faithful bring help to all around. Keep praying for relief from Covid-19, for the gathering of Israel, and for softened hearts for mankind. Prayer is a work best done in isolation.
To the degree that I rely on the “sparks” kindled by others over the light that Christ offers, I need to repent. Seek his light above other philosophies and ideas. (2 Nephi 7:11)
Being separated from what you know is not to be “cast off.” The Lord leads the righteous to a better place. Focus on the blessings and opportunities from this isolating time. (2 Nephi 10:20)
“The Lord hath commanded … That they should not have malice, that they should not contend one with another…whoso doeth them shall perish.” (2 Nephi 26:22)
“He denieth none that come unto him, black and white, bond and free, male and female…all are alike unto God.” (2 Nephi 27:33)
“They that erred in spirit shall come to understanding” (2 Nephi 27:35) Truth will not elude us forever, and we can be patient with one another as we do our best to figure things out right now.
God still rules the earth, not just the heavens. (2 Nephi 29:7)
Reception of the Holy Ghost brings the ability to SPEAK with the tongue of angels, not just receive from them. We should be active in speaking our faith wherever we are. To do this, we need to feast on the words of Christ so we know how to act in our own circumstances. (2 Nephi 32:2-3)
There is so much knowledge in plain sight in the Book of Mormon, but it takes searching to find. (2 Nephi 32:7)
You can be one of the “many who have many revelations daily” if you repent and if you have faith. (Jarom 1:4)
Profound.
June is probably my favorite month in Utah. As I begin my walks, my favorite spot is just down the street where the air is fragrant from flowers I cannot see or name. I wish my life always smelled like this. Jasmine? The neighbors have really done a beautiful job this year with their yards. I walk for miles now through the streets, but haven’t ventured to the trails. My phone messages are adorned by photos of Richard and the boys hiking. “Wish you were here…”
This evening, I worked up the courage to knock on some doors to talk to friends in person. It took all day to make myself do this, as I am so out of practice being a human being. I decided to bake bread, a trusty excuse for a hand delivery, only I accidentally turned off the oven mid-baking for about 15 minutes. With the intensity of a contestant on the Great British Baking Show, I reheated the oven, covered the tops with foil, and continued to bake until they “plunked” when I hit them with my finger.
Some questions remain: How many people have I overlooked during my haze? I feel I owe people an apology for not being “around,” even for texting or phonecalls. And, how can I find another excuse to knock on more friends’ doors? Because those socially distanced, in-person conversations on doorsteps were so good for me.