Author: Angela

I write so my family will always have letters from home.

Lifting Others’ Burdens

This Advent activity on LDS.org is a beautiful thing and I am going to follow it each day, but if I decide to share what I do, it will be in vague terms. Today to “lift a burden” I spent time on hold with customer service to fix something for a family member and visited someone who was in bed. I feel my life is pretty standard and not exemplary in any way, but I still feel God’s involvement in the details, and that means so much to me.

Pretty things

My craft room shelves are full of soft, colorful, whimsical gifts for Christmas. I wish I could post some pictures, but my projects are top secret. This year I am giving to my brother Joe and his kids. The goal is comfort and joy for this precious, buffeted family. As November turns to December, and until Christmas, you will find me embroidering and hand sewing in the late evenings. Heaven.

Last night I gathered with my presidency to package our Christmas and 2017 birthday gifts for the sisters in our ward. The Christmas gifts are not quite ready to show, but the birthday gifts are ready. We will give each sister one of these lip balm packages on her birthday. They are so pretty. Richard helped me make the labels to stick on these little jars that we ordered from Bulk Apothecary. I found the “Charity Never Faileth” graphic on Pinterest. These gifts are less than a dollar each with packaging.

Something I feel good about

The invitation read,

An Evening at the Bishop’s House

Please join us Friday, November 11th for an informal evening with friends, food, and faith.

We’ll start dinner at 6:00 pm, but come when you can. We will eat, visit, and discuss issues of faith and belief.

Child care will be provided–call or text….. They are expecting to hear from you!

We hope you can come,

The Brockbanks and the Rosses

Please let us know if you can’t make it.

The bishop and I prepared an evening for people in our ward to gather in his home for a meal and a discussion about maintaining faith. We talked about this over the course of a year. We knew it was probably important to address the doubts that are coming forward so strongly today, but how should we go about it? We talked about it in ward council. We talked about it in other meetings. We wanted to create an environment where people would feel comfortable addressing this very personal topic. We wanted it to feel casual, warm, supportive, and inspiring. I heard myself say in ward council one Sunday that I felt that a sister’s voice was needed along with the bishop’s voice in such a gathering. Eventually, in September, the bishop asked me to come up with a format for the night to be a foundation we could add upon. He wanted to hold this activity sometime in October or November.

One night I lay awake thinking about what to do. I fell asleep but woke up around 1:00 am with a clear idea of what needed to happen. I turned on a light and wrote it all down. We did not plan this evening. The Lord did. On this list were tiny details such as mailing invitations and a need for childcare. Also there were bigger concepts such as focusing on maintaining faith rather than going down a list of controversial topics, although we should be prepared to address these topics. Truly, God’s hand was in the planning. The bishop added a few things, including providing a dinner, not just a dessert and he finalized the list of people to invite.

The bishop mailed invitations and prepared his house for the big event. Seriously, he hand-addressed envelopes! No one was hand picked because we had specific concerns. We just chose the younger age group in the ward. I saw how he prepared spiritually. I tried to do the same. My presidency, a few other sisters, and I made the food. Two sisters and their teens provided childcare next door to the bishop’s house. Richard rode in the back of our truck up the hill to the bishop’s house, trying to stabilize a handful of crock pots full of soup.We helped set up some chairs and set out the buffet. We held our breath and hoped for a good turnout. 30 people out of the 40 we invited showed up!

After dinner, we gathered in the living room and began a discussion. The bishop and I spoke, back and forth, and so did his wife and Richard.  We hoped others would participate, too. Neither of us spoke from notes, but we knew some basics of what each would discuss. We shared personal stories from our lives. The bishop used some videos from the church and Steven Spielberg to make some points. I drew from James 1 to encourage us to let patience have her perfect work as we sort through matters that challenge our faith.

I feel really good about the evening because so many came and so many people felt comfortable enough to share their experiences. As people shared their journeys with us, many topics came up, such as sustaining the prophet, same sex marriage, and priesthood, as we thought they would. People felt supported. People seemed to love the time together. There is a lot of support for doubt in the world. We wanted to create a place and community to support choosing faith, while acknowledging there are challenges to our faith. I think we achieved that.

I feel a lot of gratitude for the opportunity to speak as a leader, to share my testimony, and to encourage others. Preparing food for a crowd and preparing my mind and heart to speak at the same time was a big deal. I smile when I think about the evening.

 

Nativities

I like to watch the kids set up the Nativities each Christmas. One thing I have noticed over the years is that children often set up the figures in a close circle around Jesus, each figure as close to the Christ Child as it can be without excluding anyone, even the animals. This simple arrangement makes sense to a child and gives us a view of the backs of shepherds and wise men, and very little view of the baby.

Tonight I watched Mark set up a Nativity like the figures were in a huddle and then change his mind and open the circle a little bit. He turned a few figures so they were in profile view, allowing us to see not only their expressions, but the one they worshiped.

Perhaps there are times when we need to huddle in close and focus on our faith, but more often, I think we need to open our circle and share our reaction to the Savior’s presence in our lives with others.

I want to be really good at being a shepherd, welcoming others into the circle. I want to be like the angel who gets to tell the good tidings, “Jesus lives!” and, “He loves you!” I want to be like the wise men who study and have a true understanding of their King. I want my life to point to Christ, just as each figure in the Nativity looks to Jesus.

Verses 1, 3, and 5 especially

Thou gracious God, whose mercy lends

Thou gracious God, whose mercy lends
the light of home, the smile of friends,
our gathered flock thine arms enfold
as in the peaceful days of old.

Wilt thou not hear us while we raise
in sweet accord of solemn praise
the voices that have mingled long
in joyous flow of mirth and song?

For all the blessings life has brought,
for all its sorrowing hours have taught,
for all we mourn, for all we keep,
the hands we clasp, the loved that sleep.

The noontide sunshine of the past,
these brief, bright moments fading fast,
the stars that gild our darkening years,
the twilight ray from holier spheres.

We thank thee, Father; let thy grace
our loving circle still embrace,
thy mercy shed its heavenly store,
thy peace be with us evermore.

Words: Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr., 1869

Faith

For Family Home Evening we have been watching a conference talk each week and asking each family member to share thoughts about it when it’s over. I decided to show this talk from the women’s general session last night.

Timothy learned that if our faith isn’t strong, we can work on it.

Mark liked the story of the missionaries who kept knocking on doors in a building until they got to the last one, where they found an important person to President Uchtdorf.

Daniel appreciated the comments about agency…that God will not force someone to believe.

Richard liked the idea that faith involves trust in our Heavenly Father who sees more than we do.

I liked that he said we can trust God’s love for us.

Finding Joy in the Desert

My early years in Arizona were intense and isolated. I didn’t have a lot of friends and I was with the kids all day, every day. I was home schooling and Richard had many church obligations on Sunday and some weekday evenings. One evening, Richard took the three boys camping and Paige was at a friend’s house watching movies. I realized I would be alone all evening, and none of my children needed me.

I sat on the couch, and the silence hovered all around me. The piano wasn’t being played. The dishes were done. No one was asking me for a cup of milk or a bowl of goldfish crackers. The accumulated fatigue from my lifestyle seemed to settle like a frost, and my body, used to constant motion and focus, took its cue and didn’t feel like doing ANYTHING. I couldn’t settle on what to do with this time alone. I had lost excitement for things other than parenting that I loved to do.

I had hit a wall of exhaustion, and it would take more than one night alone to sort things out. But I did. I wasn’t always exhausted, but there was a pessimism that hounded me. I hope my experience can be helpful to someone else.

Now that the fog of those early parenting years is gone, I see more distinctly how stretched I was. To be clear, I loved playing with, teaching, reading to, and spending time with my children. But it was also very difficult. Writing my worries about the kids and my doubts in my parenting choices in my journal was a healthy outlet. I’d come away from a good journal-writing session feeling like the problems were expressed and solutions were on the way. I rarely took time to write about the good things about parenting in my journal, though, and that was something that needed to change.

Being tired, even exhausted, is a real part of being a parent of young children. Difficulty doesn’t necessarily mean something is bad. Those early years are a temporary marathon. If I could do it again, I wouldn’t feel ashamed of my personal need for solitude. I didn’t want to give the impression to anyone, especially the kids, that I saw parenting as a burden. But parenting IS a burden; it is a worthy, beautiful burden, and like any burden, it needs to be set down sometimes. I was wrong to think that taking some time away from the kids was selfish. It taxed my mental health to deny myself time with Richard and deny myself time alone. It created impossible dilemmas in my marriage. My prayers suffered. I could physically do the things I needed to do, but my spirit was faltering. I had developed a bad attitude about so many things.

I found my way out over the next few years by making some very minor adjustments in my life. There is nothing religious in my formula except a search for joy. I didn’t pray more or make huge efforts in temple work. I just decided to focus on the happy side of my story. I was still a stay at home mom with 4 children to educate. Richard was still busy at church. We were still living in the desert. All that changed was my attitude. The change came gradually because I did the following (these are links to old posts)*:

*If you are a parent of young children, perhaps your needs are different than mine. While I needed solitude, maybe you need more time with friends. I needed independence; a housekeeper or regular babysitter would have been too hard for me to accept. You may be different. Perhaps help around the house would be just the thing. Pride and comparison can get in the way of finding joy, too. It seems to me that the best thing to do is make a list of your interests, gifts, limitations, and dreams and make a plan. Finding joy can be as basic as smiling at a belligerent toddler instead of getting angry, or finding time to do something you love, even for one minute.