Angela – Page 133 – Letters from Home

Sometimes visiting teaching looks like this

I have a church assignment to visit one of the women in this photo each month to share a gospel message and be her friend. I have a great partner who comes with me who could not be with us when this picture was taken. One thing I have learned about visiting teaching over the years is that sometimes a visit isn’t what a woman needs most. Sometimes it is a meal. Sometimes it is a phone call or a letter or text messages with funny or uplifting quotes. Always it is my prayers. Last night it was an impromptu birthday party at a restaurant. These are some of the busiest women I know but it was so good to take some time and be happy together.

The haircut

1995 Los Alamos-001 — Post-haircut on the good side

Riding out of town with my groom after our wedding reception in a snowstorm felt adventurous. Unconcerned about realities, we snacked on wedding sandwiches and cake as we drove to Los Alamos, New Mexico, where we would spend the summer for Richard’s internship. We drove into a blizzard in Colorado and nearly ran out of gas at a mountain summit, but all this became part of the happy legend of our beginnings.

Were we ready for this life of independence, fending for ourselves far from home? I relied pretty heavily on Richard’s life experience; his mission years and his 4 years seniority meant that his points of reference no longer included high school experiences, as mine embarrassingly still did. Most of our belongings we left in a storage shed behind the house we would rent from my parents in Provo when the summer was over. We had only packed the essentials for three months away: some clothes, a cooler, sleeping bags, a grill, a tent, and my violin. Everything was new, from our camping gear and Richard’s job, to our life together.

Los Alamos (White Rock) is where I made my first attempts at homemaking in a fully-furnished house. While Richard worked, I had many hours to learn how to iron his shirts, dampening them and re-ironing when the seams weren’t right. I learned to skin and de-bone chicken; I may have watched soap operas. These were long days. After I got a job, the days weren’t so slow; we cooked together in the evenings and I didn’t spend all day reading cookbooks and walking mile after mile through deserted neighborhoods.

After about six weeks, Richard’s hair was getting long and we decided to buy an electric clipper so I could give him a trim. I had watched my mom cut hair for years. Confidently, I turned on the clipper and applied it to the side of Richard’s head. One simple sweep upward from the ear exposed a neat, nearly bald track through his hair. I had forgotten to put a comb on the clipper! I was mortified; I didn’t dare try to fix the problem, so we abandoned the haircut and he wore a baseball cap for a few days.

My parents came to town around this time and my mom was able to even up his haircut. What I remember most from the experience is how selfless Richard was. He didn’t act self-conscious about his ruined hair. He wasn’t angry with me. In fact, he reassured me that it didn’t matter. He had very short hair for a while, but he was so noble about it that he lifted me out of my insecurities.

As a seal of his fidelity and kindness, a couple months later, he asked me to give him another haircut.

BYU Homecoming Spectacular

I am thinking in lists these days. Paragraphs are too much work. Here is what I will remember about our weekend.

Apple harvest and preparation

A Poldark episode with a happy ending

Solar salesmen with long presentations

Gladys Knight, Vocal Point, And Lexie Walker at the BYU Homecoming Spectacular

Mark’s Primary program at church and his piano duet with Richard

Things that made me smile this week

Things that made me smile this week:

A conversation with friends Monday night

Mark’s declaration that when he is president he will change the flavor of envelope glue.

Two afternoons in my sewing room

Finding some pictures of Timothy on the camera

Mark being home in the evenings because baseball is over.

My presidency: Charlene, Cindy, and Kristy

Being invited in to visit by someone I dropped by to see on a whim.

Texts from women in my church, including, “I found my phone!” “I’m doing well!” “I am happy to help.”

Learning a new skill from a friend

Richard hand-washing the dishes

My beginning violin student who can’t stop smiling when she realizes she is playing a song.

Plenty to read

Halloween bunting

Spending time in Mark’s room, looking at his collections and art

My tried and true recipe of chocolate chip oatmeal cookies

Teaching Mark about atoms and bonding while we mop the kitchen floor together

Mark and Richard’s piano duet

Daniel and Timothy’s good grades on tests this week

Parting with some of the clutter in my closet

Finding a pumpkin I didn’t know was growing in my front flower beds

I will.

Morning sunlight peaks through the tiny crevices in the closed blinds on my eastern windows into the darkened room. I close my eyes and pull the blankets closer. Cold mornings, after most of the kids and Richard leave, are lonely and still, and tempt me to stay in my place in the living room, wrapped in a blanket. I have been healthy this October, but gravitate toward stillness during this month of the year more than any other. When I sense that my thoughts are becoming circuitous, or my fingers grow weary from scrolling through the news, it takes an effort to begin the day.

I pray silently, “I WILL get up and fulfill my obligations. I am weak; I know you are aware of my limitations and love me. Help me to move forward today.”

Prayers like this are incredibly helpful.

My inertia is brief and seasonal. I don’t pretend to understand the struggle with depression which is my situation amplified by a hundred. But I do know how good it feels to accomplish something after a morning with a slow start. Even if it is the satisfaction of mopping the kitchen floor or making some phone calls or visits.

In the stillness of my thoughts, I remember my familiar pattern. During October I need more sleep; In October I need to be warm; In October I can make use of my need for rest by reading the best books and making plans. In October I crave comfort and require more self-care. I remind myself that God knows this about me and can still make me useful through my limitations. I remember that God is very kind and patient and inspires me to cook healthy food, gather my family for dinners, enjoy the colors and flavors of the harvest, be aware of the beauty of my surroundings, and press forward each day, even if I get off to a slow start.

Homecoming 2016

Look at this young man and this young lady. A lot of effort went into this date. Daniel spent money he earned at work. His date’s dress was altered by a neighbor to add sleeves. Hair, flowers, a day activity, a dinner, and coordinating with other couples who joined them occupied a lot of their time. Cars were washed and vacuumed. Colors were matchy-matchy. One girl in the group provided her date’s shoes and belt. Other girls provided ties for their dates.

So much effort for a dance that was so dark, the music so loud, and the atmosphere so blaring that his date asked to leave early. Chaperones did not stay in the dance room, but were in the halls. Dancing, music, and attire were inappropriate. Daniel’s experiences at every school dance have been the same. He has stepped out every time.

When we lived in Arizona, there was a Mormon Prom, put on by parents and leaders in the Tucson area. Anyone could attend if they followed church standards. It was decorated beautifully, had amazing refreshments, and the lighting wasn’t too dark and the music was appropriate. It was a magnet for many, not just members of the church.

I didn’t think we would need a Mormon Prom in Salt Lake Valley, but here we are. I would be willing to help with an effort to do something beautiful for these kids, providing a more wholesome environment to enjoy the time they have with their dates. They deserve better than what is being offered.

Mark’s Adventures with Grandparents

Mark and I took a trip with my parents to California to visit my Grandma Ruth. Mark wasn’t sure if he would have a good time spending lots of time in a car to be with his grandparents, mom, and great-grandmother, but he did. For real.

He explored the Delta with Grandpa.

He bought doughnuts with Grandpa

He played with Fisher Price toys from the late 1960’s with his cousin who stopped by.

We drove the scenic route on the way home, along the Sacramento river. We stopped at a little diner and had the best lunch with big mugs of milk.

He got a hat at the Donner Memorial gift shop.

He enjoyed a breakfast buffet at our hotel.

He stayed up late watching The Lord of the Rings.

He made and served dinner with Grandma, which he said was a true highlight.

He rewired a lamp with Grandpa, also a highlight.

He crawled under Great-grandma’s furniture to replace electrical cords and loved it.

He met a new dog friend.

He didn’t have to share Pop Tarts with his siblings.

He packed a bag full of Archie comics to enjoy with Grandpa. It was time well shared.

He and Grandma watched movies in the back seat of the car on the drive home.

He grew in admiration for his grandparents and cheered his great-grandmother with his presence. He tried a few funny lines and people laughed. He got to be independent and not compared with older siblings. He soared.

A trip to Sparks to say goodbye

We traveled to Sparks, Nevada for a party hosted by my aunt and uncle. They invited all of Grandma Stewart’s friends and family for a luncheon to honor her. It was happy and upbeat, and gave us all a sense of closure that we didn’t have after her death because there was no funeral. They held the party in my aunt and uncle’s yard on the week of my grandmother’s birthday. The weather was perfect. My mom read aloud tributes written by family members. I was able to meet my grandmother’s friends and see my cousins.

Richard and I took the kids to grandma’s old house to walk around the yard one last time. That was really hard for me, but it made me feel better to tell myself that tears aren’t such a bad thing if they come when you are reminded of sweet times and dear people.

My tribute to my grandmother is written here.

In a time before texting

We were reading the Bible as a family on Monday night and Mark was using my childhood scriptures. He found this note in the pages, written to my friend Thora when I was his age.

This note is one of the earliest surviving documents of the first time I decided to change my name to Angela. Back and forth, Angie and Angela have taken turns my whole life.

It also shows how I had an early interest in animals, which promptly disappeared after I finished a degree in Biology with a Zoology emphasis.

It shows the development of my handwriting style. I think I was imitating someone popular, who was actually very mean.

When Mark found this note he just laughed and handed it to Richard. I cringed and laughed and sent a picture of it to my friend Thora, who still has cute hair, while I still wonder if anyone likes mine. It awakened all sorts of preadolescent demons in my mind.

Be careful what you leave in your scriptures. You never know who will find it.

😉

September favorites

This (edited) movie:

I watched it twice. And liked it both times.

These books:

It’s about aging and dying, medicine and home. It is an important and good read.

This was good because it shatters the idea that we need to build powerful friendships before we can invite people to come to Christ.

This audiobook:

We actually listened to this in August but I keep remembering outrageous quotes. Some sentences you just need to hear to believe. The narrator also has a great Han Solo voice. This is actually not worth your time…unless you are on a long road trip with a preteen, in which case, it is gold.