This week, it’s been a battle for me to work or move or get going. I haven’t neglected anything important, but every task feels like a chore, and that is a word I do not use. This doll project that I proclaimed would be so great has mostly felt like a burden. Even shopping for doll clothes just made me tired. I think it is common enough to need to slow down in winter. Maybe I should listen to my body and put less on the to do list for a few weeks. I just want to read, and for some reason, I have termed reading an indulgence. Sometimes I don’t realize what an enemy I am to myself by not listening to my needs and pushing through projects that aren’t essential.
Another hard truth is that I am blogging about a doll because it feels safer than writing about the things I am really thinking about. And yet, the thing I decided to embroider first was the smile. That was genuine and reflects how I feel, just as much as admitting to you that I feel sluggish. We can be going through some sad things and still feel joy.
I am trying to learn that it is okay to be a complex person, with deep, marathon thoughts and a spectrum of feeling. I find that reading makes me feel less tired, old, and foreign, but it is often last on my list! 🤦 I doubt I am the only one who regularly denies herself of something good to match an ideal that only exists in the mind. The trick is identifying what feeds your soul and having the courage to make it a priority. I’m so curious what that “something” is for different people, knowing that it likely changes now and then for each of us.