Tonight I spent some time in a room with a woman who has a very long list of accomplishments, degrees, and two professions. We don’t know each other well. We were just thrown together into a musical group and I’ve spent the past few weeks learning about her.
I asked her about her education. She has multiple degrees. But then she looked at me and explained, “It’s because I don’t have any children.” She explained that she was educated because she didn’t want to sit home alone and she wanted to progress.
I said, “Well, I have children, and I spend my time trying to progress, too.”
Each of us chuckled nervously. I think it’s because we were crossing a boundary set by the women who fight over the labels of “mother” and “professional.” The mood lightened as she mentioned that she believed all women are dealing with the same challenges. I agreed. She still felt sad that she didn’t have children, and I feel a little lost because I gave up my regular job during the day, but our minds met and there was mutual support in that meeting. Children and income are inadequate measurements of success, anyway. We could be friends, despite the fact that we won’t have children at the same time and I’m not on a payroll like she is. I believe she will have her sweet children someday. I also believe that we’ll continue to progress, each of us with different challenges and opportunities.
Ultimately what God intends for each of us transcends both economics and homemaking as we know it. Because of this, it wearies me to read the words of women who belittle others for choosing homemaking instead of a career. On the other side, it breaks my heart to see women feeling deflated because someone has misjudged their decision to work or the reasons they do not have children. I am perplexed by the arguments of women who tell the world that it’s possible to have it all at the same time without tremendous sacrifice. All of this belittling, self pity, and self promotion is a great smokescreen to keep women from encouraging one another.
I’m in the mood to cheer for efforts to reach beyond worldly measures of success. I’m in the mood to say, “I am trying to become something more than you can imagine.” I’m in the mood to turn off the voices that say, “A profession is the greatest end,” and conversely, “The only place a woman can be of value is in the home.” The real answer isn’t someplace between these statements. It’s completely above them, ennobling and liberating because it doesn’t focus on labels. It focuses on who we are inside, not our titles or even our accomplishments. Someday all of these things will be gone. So many of our successes will seem like pieces of jewelry we can no longer wear. What will we look like without this jewelry? That is what we should be focusing on.
