Letters from Home – Page 155 – A blog by Angela Ross

Enlarge your souls toward others

This year I am studying the New Testament using some Bible commentary and a study guide. It’s an early morning pursuit that I try to do when the kids are asleep. After a few weeks of study I don’t think I’m much smarter, but I am gaining more empathy for the people around me through the example of the Savior. It has been helpful to know geography, politics, language, and culture of the day to see the importance of passages. However, as I study, what shines out beyond all of the historical trappings is Jesus ministering to individuals. (It’s about people, silly girl.) People occupied his hours, days, and sleepless nights. The needs of the people were relentless. He was busy meeting their needs, which he discerned by the Spirit, not just their words and actions. So many needs are never communicated aloud! There is such a need for love and discernment in our lives.

You must enlarge your souls toward others if you’d do like Jesus. As you increase in innocence and virtue, as you increase in goodness, let your hearts expand–let them be enlarged towards others–you must be longsuffering and bear with the faults of mankind. How precious are the souls of men. -Joseph Smith

Imperfect, but having great potential

I have been reading my journals of my marriage years this week. Richard and I have seen some challenges and gone through difficulties of many kinds. We have served in the Church and been apart many nights and early mornings in this service. We have weathered the baby years with little sleep, years of isolation from extended family, financial challenges, and health issues. I have seen my immaturity when dealing with trials in the pages of these journals. I have observed a growing appreciation for Richard and an ongoing discovery of how powerful my need is for his companionship. I have felt sad that I allowed our date nights to slip when the kids were young and so needy. I have felt sad for the times when I was grumpy. Tucked inside my journal was a talk that I gave in church in 2010 about marriage. This was a year when there was little sleep and there were many obligations. Its message helped me feel some comfort about my regrets that we didn’t have a perfect marriage then (and still don’t). I feel a need to share a part of it.

I think about the house I lived in while growing up. It was a fixer-upper. My parents bought a vandalized and desolate house and over the years made it into something very special. More than one time the ceiling threatened to collapse because of a leaky swamp cooler, and the doors and windows were covered in plastic during construction of an addition. There is a lesson in this. Although the house needed repair, the foundation was sure. And though necessary changes and additions were made, the original foundation served its purpose through the seasons of my parents’ marriage.

Just like a house, a successful marriage must be constantly maintained and nurtured. The most important element of a successful marriage is the foundation of covenants made in the temple. Knowing the importance God places on marriage, this relationship should be our priority.

Elder Richard G Scott said, “Through the restored gospel we learn there is an ideal family. It is a family composed of a righteous Melchizedek Priesthood bearer with a righteous wife sealed to him and children born in the covenant or sealed to them. They fulfill their divinely appointed roles mentioned in the family proclamation.”

Elder Scott counseled us to “Put first things first. Do the best you can while on earth to have an ideal family.”

I felt better after reading this because Richard and I have been through some years of renovations and additions. “Doing my best” hasn’t amounted to a constantly cheerful countenance and date nights every week. It has meant a lifetime of going to church each week and holding family home evening and family prayer as best we can. It’s meant 20 years of teamwork and loyalty. My attitude has sometimes looked like the early picture of my parents’ house and I don’t understand why we have certain challenges. Some of my favorite people have not had the opportunity to be married. Some of my favorite people have not been blessed with children. Others have been abandoned by a spouse. But the goal is the same for all of us: we strive toward the goal of an ideal family, regardless of our circumstances. We may have a wing of the house missing or the floors that creak, but it’s worth it to visualize and work for something better. Keeping covenants is the foundation of an ideal family. Construction is part of the plan for a beautiful house for each of us.

MLK Weekend

Richard and the boys enjoyed another beautiful day on the slopes on Saturday. Mark has graduated to poles and the yellow skis.

Paige worked on school all weekend. Her life is not for the lazy or fearful.

While the boys were away I met my friend Julie Rose for lunch in Provo. We have been friends since early elementary school years and we were roommates in college. The conversation was long and satisfying. She is a journalist so I always come away from our chats feeling like I was able to tell my stories. I loved hearing her stories. She is on BYU radio in the afternoons.

Daniel played a piano solo in church, Abide with Me, ‘Tis Eventide. I liked the arrangement and his expression.

My parents spoke for my sister’s ward youth fireside on Sunday night. They talked about the miracles associated with missionary work. The meeting was held at their home in Spring Lake and the topic, speakers, and setting left me feeling inspired.

We spent our first night at the new Spring Lake home. My brother in law made everyone some breakfast the next morning. He took a picture of the waffles he made for the kids:

Richard and my dad built shelves at my parents’ place and I studied and sewed all day. Deer wandered near the windows; the kids made paper airplanes, built forts, and read books. It was a nice holiday.

A Child-like Quality

One thing that Mark and I did for school yesterday was prepare some strawberry jam. My days with Mark are full. We move through the subjects each morning in a routine way, but that boy wants to talk to me all the time. He wants to tell me about Star Wars lore, Lego designs he is working on, his frustrations, Calvin and Hobbes comics, dry skin, skiing, friends, food, favorite flavors of Lifesavers candies, Chima Lego sets, career and college plans, etc., etc., etc…

It’s an exercise in focus for both of us. I try to understand what he’s saying and he tries really hard not to speak as he works on school assignments.

When the question came up in my scripture study about how to become more like a child, I immediately thought of Mark’s desire to connect with a parent. He wants to share almost everything with me. I should be more like that in my prayers.

Ordinary days

I have been doing a lot of writing. The essays of my book are grounded in concrete events, so I am remembering big things and small about experiences with my children. You never know when you wake up in the morning and maybe when you go to bed that night if something from the day will become a memory. I am savoring the fact that small events such as a walk or a trip to the park rank among the Important Events of my life. I don’t remember many details about our babies’ days but I have my journals and that is a blessing.

I read an article today that asserted that all working moms wish they could stay at home and all stay at home moms wish they could go to work! What nonsense. I believe it’s possible to be ultimately content, despite proximate disappointments and worries. I also believe that people have more to offer when they’re not so busy gauging their own personal happiness.

I’m tempted to…

…turn on the Christmas lights on my wreaths that are still hanging outside. It’s so dark outside this morning. I’m not sure why I haven’t put away the wreaths. Putting away all of the other Christmas decorations on December 31st was disturbingly satisfying.

What happened during the first week of school during 2015? Someone’s parked car rolled into our parked van at the high school. We had to go to bed and get up on time. We opened our last carton of egg nog, which I stockpiled at the end of the year. I ran expectantly to the front windows whenever I heard a big truck pass by, hoping that the doll faces pattern book that I ordered had arrived, but it never did. Timothy ordered some Legos and they at least arrived in time for weekend fun. By the time the weekend came, I was ready to watch some movies and Richard was ready to take the boys skiing. We did both. Richard and I pretended we were teenagers and watched The Giver and The Fault in Our Stars.

We loved The Giver and recommend it. We did NOT enjoy The Fault in Our Stars, which is strange because I hated reading The Giver and I loved reading The Fault in Our Stars.

It’s also strange that I said we felt like teenagers by watching these teen flicks. Our teens were too busy over the weekend with homework and other obligations to watch anything.

My big project this year

1-snowflake class — I held a little snowflake making class at out house yesterday. As you can see, the women who came caught on very quickly.

This year I am dedicating time each day to write a book of glimpses of and reflections on motherhood.

It takes courage to write that. It will take courage to hit “publish” when I finish writing this post. I have been thinking about writing a book for a long time. I avoid publicizing my blog because the family is on display along with my words, but I want to share my writing with a larger audience. When I told Richard about my plans, he just said, “Wow, you’ve been thinking about this a lot.”

I am adapting some essays from the blog, but there will be plenty of new material, too. I work each morning for about an hour (or three). I have about 50 pages written.

I’m writing because I want to share a realistic but positive definition of motherhood without a focus on decorating nurseries and complaining about every little thing.

I’m writing because I wish there were more mothers with children over the age of ten sharing their experiences and perspective.

I’m writing because my children are growing up and I need to hold on to some memories (or write them down before I forget).

I’m writing because motherhood is difficult, but there are ways of finding joy in it. I’m writing to show others that finding joy is a strategy and it’s a skill; it’s not an air-brushed way of looking at life that refuses to acknowledge the bad.

I’m not writing because I think the book will be picked up by a publisher; in fact, I’ll probably have to print the book on the old laser jet and have it bound at the local print shop. The important thing is that my family will have this record. I will have this record. If anyone else can benefit from it and enjoy it, that will make me happy, too.

Any advice, requests… (encouragement)?

A Book for the New Year

I never considered that reading the gospel of Mark would be a perfect way to bring in the New Year. It is so good at showing how to prioritize reflection and people despite being busy…even busy doing worthy things.

I read Mark 5 with the kids yesterday after school and asked them what they thought about a question I was pondering. Jesus told the man from whom he had cast out devils to go and tell his friends about it. Most of the time, Jesus tells people to keep the miracle of healing a private experience. (People can’t help telling, though.) Why was this man asked to share?

I didn’t expect an answer. In fact, I hadn’t found a satisfactory answer for myself. However, before we moved to the next verses, Timothy had a thought. He told us that Jesus knew that he would be surrounded by crowds of people asking him to heal them, but he was most willing to heal those with spiritual problems.

There you go. The Savior dealt with problems of crowd control, but he wanted it known that he was available to those who sought to be healed spiritually. That is what he was chosen to do from the beginning, and it’s still his work now. I believe it’s what he loves to do.

Ways to be a missionary

I’m typing this list for myself today and I thought I’d share because I don’t have any happy photos of the kids to show. (School has begun.) This is a list of 98 scripture references about being an effective missionary that I have found in my study during the past few months. I’ve included summaries, personal interpretations, and annotations of these scriptures. You may learn something else from looking up the references.

Alma 8:32: Preach and prophesy according to the spirit and power that the Lord has given you.
Alma 7:24: See that you have faith, hope, and charity, and then ye will always abound in good works.
Alma 7:23: Be humble, meek, submissive, and gentle; easy to be entreated; full of patience and long-suffering; temperate in all things; diligent in keeping the commandments of God at all times; asking for whatsoever things ye stand in need, both spiritual and temporal; always returning thanks unto God for whatsoever things ye do receive.
Alma 6:8: [Preach] according to revelation and the spirit of prophecy, according to the testimony of Jesus Christ
Alma 6:6: Join with the Church in fasting and mighty prayer for those who know not God.
Alma 6:5: Be liberal (share) unto all
Alma 5:62: Speak by way of invitation.
Alma 5:49: Preach unto all
Alma 5:48: Bear testimony of Jesus Christ.
Alma 5:46: Fast and pray to know for yourself by the Holy Spirit what is true.
Alma 4:19: Bear pure testimony
Alma 1:21: Do not persecute others.
D&C 133:57: Reason in plainness and simplicity.
Mosiah 27:35: Publish all things that you have seen.
Mosiah 27:37: Publish peace, good tidings of good; declare that the Lord reigns
Mosiah 23:18: Watch over one another and nourish others with righteous acts and words.
Mosiah 23:14: Be a trustworthy teacher by being a man or woman of God and keep the commandments.
D&C 124:4: Write in the spirit of meekness by the power of the Holy Ghost.
D&C 123:17: Cheerfully do all in our power and be assured that God will help and save.
D&C 121:45: Be full of charity towards all; have virtuous thoughts continually; then you will have confidence and and understanding of doctrine
D&C 121:26: Receive knowledge through the Holy Spirit.
D&C 115:5: Arise and shine forth, that thy light may be a standard for the nations;
D&C 112:28: Purify your hearts, then go to all the world and preach the gospel to everyone.
D&C 112:10: Be humble and the Lord will lead thee by the hand, and give thee answer to thy prayers.
D&C 112:4: Let your heart be of good cheer; bear record of the Lord’s name.
Mosiah 15:16: Publish peace.
D&C 108:7: Strengthen others in all your conversation, in all your prayers, in all your exhortations, in all your doings.
D&C 101:16: Be still and know that I am God.
D&C 100:7: Declare in Christ’s name with solemnity and meekness.
D&C 100:6: Remember that it shall be given you in the very hour, yea, in the very moment, what ye shall say.
D&C 100:5: Speak the thoughts that the Lord shall put in your hearts.
D&C 98:16: Proclaim peace, seek diligently to turn the hearts of the children to their fathers, and the hearts of the fathers to the children.
D&C 98:1: Fear not, let your hearts be comforted, rejoice evermore, and in everything give thanks.
D&C 90:24: Search diligently, pray always, and be believing; walk uprightly
D&C 90: Be not ashamed or confounded; avoid pride; Set in order your house; keep slothfulness and uncleanness far from you.
D&C 90:15: Study and learn, become acquainted with all good books, and languages, tongues, and people.
Enos: Pray, labor in faith and diligence for others
Enos 1:9: Feel a desire for the welfare of others and pour our your whole soul unto God for them.
D&C 88:124: Cease to be idle, unclean; cease to find fault with one another; cease to sleep longer than is needful; retire to bed early, arise early.
D&C 88:123: Love one another; do not covet; learn to impart (teach, give) as the gospel requires.
D&C 88:119: Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; establish a house of prayer, fasting, faith, learning, glory, order, a house of God.
D&C 88:118: Seek diligently and teach words of wisdom; seek out of the best books; seek learning by study and by faith.
D&C 88:84: Prepare the saints for the hour of judgment which is to come.
D&C 88:84: labor diligently that you may be perfected in your ministry.
D&C 88:81: Testify and warn the people; it becometh every man who hath been warned to warn his neighbor.
D&C 88:77-78: Teach the doctrine of the kingdom. Be instructed in theory, principle, doctrine, law of the Gospel; of many subjects… so you may be prepared share and fulfill the mission the Lord has for you.
D&C 88:74: organize yourselves, prepare yourselves, sanctify yourselves, purify your hearts.
D&C 84:106: Strengthen those who are weak in meekness.
D&C 84:85: Don’t take thought beforehand what to say, but treasure up in your minds continually the words of life; it shall be given to you in the very hour that portion that shall be given..
D&C 84:80: Be faithful and you will not be weary in mind and you will be watched over.
D&C 84:73: Do not boast of things that you have received; Do not share the most sacred experiences you have with everyone.
D&C 84: 61: Be steadfast and solemn in mind and be prayerful; Bear testimony to the world of the things that are communicated to you by the Spirit.
2 Nephi 33:1: Speak by the power of the Holy Ghost and it will be carried to the hearts of others.
D&C 81:5: Stand in the office you have in the church; succor the weak; lift up the hands that hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees.
D&C 80:3: Preach to all; it mattereth not where, for ye cannot go amiss.
D&C 80:1: Preach the gospel to every creature that cometh under the sound of your voice.
D&C 79: The Comforter will teach you the truth and the way you should go.
2 Nephi 32:9: Pray always and not faint; ye must not perform anything unto the Lord save in the first place ye shall pray unto the Father in the name of Christ.
2 Nephi 32:5: Enter the way, receive the Holy Ghost; it will show you all things what ye should do.
2 Nephi 32:3: Speak the words of Christ; feast upon the words of Christ; the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do.
2 Nephi 31:14: Through the power of the Holy Ghost, you can speak the tongue of angels.
D&C 75: 4: Lift up your voice as with the sound of a trump proclaiming truth according to the revelations and commandments of the Lord.
2 Nephi 25:26: Talk of Christ; rejoice in Christ; preach of Christ; prophesy of Christ; write according to our prophecies.
2 Nephi 25:23: Labor diligently to write, to persuade others to believe in Christ and his grace.
2 Nephi 25:4: Delight in plainness, that others may learn.
D&C 71:6: To him that receiveth the gospel shall be given more, even power.
D&C 68:3: Speak as they are moved upon by the Holy Ghost.
2 Nephi 22:4: Declare [the Lord’s] doings among the people.
D&C 63:64: Speak of sacred things with care, and by constraint of the Spirit. Receive the Spirit through prayer.
D&C 63:44: The Lord allows us to use our wisdom to make choices in how we will do things.
D&C 62:5: The Lord isn’t going to tell you everything you should do; Do what seems good to you; be faithful and declare glad tidings.
D&C 62:8: Do according to your judgment and the directions of the Spirit.
D&C 60:14: Proclaim the gospel not in haste, neither in wrath nor with strife.
D&C 60:13: Do not idle away your time; do not bury your talents that they are not known.
D&C 60:8: Preach the word not in haste.
D&C 60:7: Declare with loud voices, without wrath or doubting.
1 Nephi 11:22-23: Seek the love of God in your heart; it is joyous to the soul.
D&C 50: 21-22: Preach by the Spirit of truth; those who preach and receive will be edified and rejoice together if the Spirit is present.
2 Nephi 3:20: Use simple words.
D&C 43:34-35: Treasure up truth in your hearts, let the solemnities of eternity rest upon your minds; Be sober. Keep all commandments.
D&C 43:20: Lift up your voice and spare not, teaching all. Prepare for the Second Coming.
D&C 43:16: Be taught from on high. Sanctify yourselves and be endowed with power. (Attend the temple and receive temple ordinances.)
D&C 43:8: Instruct and edify one another.
D&C 42:16: Lift up voices by the Comforter, ye shall speak and prophesy as seemeth me good;
D&C 42:12: Teach the principles of [the] gospel, which are in the Bible and the Book of Mormon.
D&C 38:41: Warn neighbor with mildness and meekness.
D&C 11:21: Seek first to obtain the Lord’s word before declaring it.
D&C 11:12: Put your trust in that Spirit which leadeth to do good–yea, to do justly, to walk humbly, to judge righteously; and this is my Spirit.
D&C 11:7: Seek not for riches but for wisdom.
D&C 12:8: No one can assist in this work except he shall be humble and full of love, having faith, hope and charity, being temperate in all things.
D&C 26:1: Let your time be devoted to the studying of the scriptures, and to preaching.
D&C 24:10: Do not suppose that [you] can say enough in [the Lord’s] cause.
D&C 28:16: Open your mouth at all times, declaring gospel with the sound of rejoicing.
D&C 30:11: Ever open your mouth in the Lord’s cause; do not fear what man can do.
D&C 30:6: Be afflicted in all [your neighbor’s] afflictions. (Sympathetic, sustaining)
D&C 31:9: Be patient in afflictions; revile not against those that revile. Govern your house in meekness, and be steadfast.
D&C 32:1: Declare the gospel and learn of Christ, be meek and lowly in heart.
D&C 33:2: Lift up your voices as with the sound of a trump.

You bet your pretty neck, I do

20 years ago this phrase in the song from the Guys and Dolls musical greeted Richard and me as we walked into his parents’ house to tell them we were engaged. His brother was blasting it on the stereo. I always smile when I think of that funny song… Our song?

Some of the things that Richard brings to our marriage are humor, steadiness, adventure, and kindness. I didn’t know all of the facets of Richard’s character when we decided to marry. Some things have been a surprise (I had no idea how much of a thrill-seeker he is) and some things were there but have developed over time, such as his humor. He has always impressed me by his depth of understanding of the gospel and his ability to explain things simply.

It is the small gestures that have meant the most to me in our years of marriage. In 2000, when I was sick in the hospital, Richard stayed with me during the most difficult times. One day he sat down on the bed and read aloud to me. At each page turn, he kissed me on the cheek. I felt a greater measure of love and fulfillment through his kindness to me than from any exertion I had made seeking after my own needs.

During this and many other times he has been the only one who could make everything better. I’m grateful that I met him when I was only 18 years old. From the beginning, I admired him, and 22 years later I can say that I still do.

http://youtu.be/aw2phldcmCQ