Letters from Home – Page 121 – A blog by Angela Ross

Labor Day

The house is quiet. Daniel and I are the only ones home for the holiday. Last night, the two of us played violin-piano duets and sat quietly in the family room, reading. If you know me, you realize that this was good for my soul. Today, I took a minute to photograph a few things I see in the house. Paige’s empty room after moving out on Saturday. Tomato bounty. Lego figures placed at my bedside by two of my boys to make me smile. New rose bushes in bloom. The lavender rose is so heavy with petals, it droops under the weight. Its fragrance is just everything. The yellow roses smell like a garden from childhood.

Welcome September!

You are not doing this wrong.

I visited a friend earlier this year, when one of my children was going through some real trials. When she asked about my family, I shared that we were having a rough time, but no details. She leaned in and said to me, “It’s harder on the mom, I think.” It was really helpful for someone to acknowledge my pain, the pain from watching someone go through difficult experiences, even the pain of worry, anger (not for the child), and helplessness. Somehow, her words meant that I wasn’t doing it all wrong. I knew my child’s pain was greater than mine, and I couldn’t carry the child away from the trial and make everything better, so I ached inside.

While I will never share the specifics of what happened to our child, and between us, and between God and each of us, I want to share some hope, like my friend gave to me.

Chances are, you are not doing this wrong, if you are feeling pain for a child who is struggling.

Additionally, there are ways to allow the Savior to carry the pain. He is mighty to save, and so kind! One is to search for answers in the scriptures. I spent a lot of time reading the Book of Mormon, combing the passages for insights. There were many answers there. Plead for answers while partaking of the sacrament. I felt specific, clear directions during this sacred time. Pour out your soul in prayer, as often as you need it, and His help will come.

Some quotes that I needed during this difficult time:

Prayers of a Mother... general conference 2013

General Conference 2015 FREE Printable Quotes - This is going to be our new family motto! Loved this talk from Sister Marriott!

(images from Pinterest)

Kindness

Is there anything better than an older relative who spends time with you when you are little? Maybe they rescue you and help you get to shore; maybe they take time to play a child’s game, or dance with you when Grandma tells you it’s time to dance. I wish I knew how the kids learned to show such kindness and empathy. I like to think they learned it long before they came to us. I didn’t ask the kids to do these things. I really like seeing these photos of our kids being kind.

5 minutes away

The trailhead for this backpacking trip for the Scouts is five minutes from our house. I drive the truck full of boys, objects swinging from carabiners on their backpacks in the truck bed. Mark takes his first steps with the young men, a few months early. So thankful his dad is the Scoutmaster, I know Mark will be warm enough at night.

Earth from elements

Day 17 without a washing machine at home

Today’s morning prayer included:

gratitude for yesterday’s trip to the laundromat with Paige
a plea for help for my boys at school
gratitude for a lunch with two of the Charlenes in my life
gratitude for my parents who came over last night for dinner and to help Daniel with some Scout stuff
gratitude for a beautiful house
a plea for forgiveness
frustration about some things
the names of many ward members
a realization that I have so much help this year for school, including busing, a piano teacher who comes to our house, and an army of teachers to replace my efforts
a plea to know who I can help today and for the emotional strength to do it

I said amen, thinking, “Did I kind of fall asleep during part of that prayer?” Realizing that I had, the thought came that if God could make the earth out of elements, he can work with a servant who is a bit dozy. Then the thought came that I needed to find my cell phone because someone needed me. I figured it would be one of my boys who had just left for school. Almost immediately after finding my phone, it lit up. Someone was calling to ask me to help. I wouldn’t have heard it because it was on silent mode. Sometimes, especially lately, I need intervention like this to know what to do because my perception feels foggy. I couldn’t have thought to call this neighbor, so she had to call me. I’m glad she felt that she could. I am grateful the thought came to find my phone.

Keep praying, all. It works.

Eclipse shadows

I take this view as a tender mercy. I didn’t buy glasses to view the eclipse, didn’t make the drive to Idaho, and didn’t do anything I would normally do to engage in an experience with the kids. Richard, Daniel, and Paige all had opportunities to view the eclipse with glasses at work or on the U of U campus. We at home made a viewer out of a Cheerios box as the eclipse began and saw the tiny image of the sun in the box. As the light changed, the blue sky turned gray, and I saw hundreds of images of the eclipse dancing at our feet. Now, that was unexpected and beautiful and a lot more amazing than what we saw in our viewer.

Happy 21st

In 21 years, Paige has brought so much goodness and grace to this planet. And whimsical art. And beautiful dancing, expressive piano playing, and all the good things ever.

(Sorry for cell phone quality pictures and shadows on her artwork.)

Happy birthday, Paige! We love you.

Middle School

Mark had an exciting day yesterday.

He got his middle school schedule. His trumpet arrived. He walked the halls of the middle school with his friend Adam. I helped them find their classrooms and lockers, pointing out landmarks and reminding them which floor they were on, then I stepped back and allowed them to figure things out on their own. By the end, I was no longer walking with them. They grew confident in that hour.

Overheard as I walked the halls with them:

“It’s a relief to know I couldn’t actually fit in this locker if someone tried to stuff me in.”

“This is actually not as intense as I thought it would be,” as they looked at a display in a classroom.

Mark played his first notes on the trumpet. “That sounded beautiful,” said Adam. “Yep, it did,” replied Mark. “No regrets.”

Robotic Ribbon Cutter

Daniel’s robotics team is at the Utah State Capitol building today for a ribbon cutting ceremony for a traveling STEM program bus. Their robot is cutting the ribbon. The mechanism is his design. I won’t be able to attend the event, but I am enjoying the little videos he shared with me.

At the Pulpit

This book from the Church Historian’s Press addresses the dilemma that we face as we try to understand the role of women in Church history. It allows women speak for themselves, and they trample stereotypes and popular assumptions of who Mormon women are. Their words and their lives are inspiring to me.

I have learned something from each woman in this volume, but these are a few favorite discourses:

The School of Experience by Mattie Horne Tingey, May 19, 1893 (World’s Congress of Representative Women address about motherhood, including doctrine of a Heavenly Mother)

The Religious Crisis of Today by Elsie Talmage Brandley, June 9, 1934 (Dealing with doubts; encouraging questions in the youth; being willing to grow)

My Yoke is Easy and My Burden is Light by Alice C. Smith, Oct 1, 1969 (The most beautiful message about visiting teaching I have ever read.)

Latter-Day Saint Women in Today’s Changing World by Belle S. Spafford, February 11, 1975 (I loved this because I was amazed at her understanding of women’s issues and Church history. She teaches that the Prophet Joseph turned the key for emancipation of all women.)

A Latter-day Saint Theology of Suffering by Francine R Bennion, March 28, 1986 (How we understand the sources and purpose of suffering in this life matters.)