Today, I share a few things (some really dumb) that have made me laugh or nod my head in agreement. Good job, us. We have almost made it through the bleak fest we call January.
Almost…through…January…gasp!
Category: Motherhood
Paige and Michael’s Wedding Day in Pictures
Good job if you made it to the end of this post. Most pictures are by our niece Rachel (Rachel Angela Photography). Most of my memories, thoughts, and feelings are recorded in my journal, where they will stay. If you were there, I hope you found your face in a photo or two. We are very grateful to all who came and all who showed their support in any way. It really was the very best day.
Testimony
I didn’t realize this is how grown up our family looks. I’ve had lots of moments to reflect on life and our Heavenly Father’s plan of happiness in the past few weeks. This picture (even the absence of our adored missionary) represents all that the Savior has given us: absolutely everything that brings us joy. Here are just a few things this photo represents to me, made possible by our Savior:
repentance and forgiveness
the Gospel of Jesus Christ
covenants and ordinances
marriage
sacrifice
missionary work
miracles of healing and understanding
children
hope
testimony
faith in Christ
obedience to commandments
the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
patience
love
Biggest Week So Far
Richard and I came away from Paige’s wedding day without a single picture, which tells you what a great time we had. We will post more another day. These are snapshots from family and friends who have taken the time to share with us. Thank you!
Leading up to the wedding, we had a big week, including Timothy’s 17th birthday and Christmas, and a hundred other interactions and lots of music. We saw Star Wars and decorated candy houses, turned in two Eagle Scout applications, and finalized special gifts. I am very happy.
Eagle project and Piano competition
By definition, milestones are evenly spaced, but sometimes we can’t pace and space events. Milestones hurl past Richard and me as we careen towards the end of the 2019. This decade is ending in a whirl of notes, color, celebrations, and plans. I don’t just want to keep up. I want to enjoy each step.
Hopefully these pictures will help me relive these moments when I have more time, and experience the things I had to miss while I chased a milestone down a different road.
Paige’s bridal shower
Our friends are just so kind.
Sparkle babies
We delayed my birthday dinner to a later night, hopeful that we could spend more time together. After hearing our plans, one of our sons showed us in a variety of ways that this was not where he would like to be.
My reaction when he asked how long this was going to take was to more fully define a line between us. I dug a canyon with steep cliffs, hungry mountain lions hidden in caves, and a raging river below with my words, and retreated to my bed, so hurt that I considered canceling the evening.
“Why do you say one thing when you really mean something else?” The Spirit spoke to my mind. “All you need to tell him is that you want to spend some time with him for your birthday.”
My opportunity came during dinner as my son slumped in the seat beside me, refusing to enjoy the meal.
“I said a lot of things, but what I really meant was that I just wanted to be with you for my birthday,” I said quietly, leaving out the reprimand.
We walked through the mall after dinner and stopped at the Lego store. When he saw my delight at the tiny baby Lego figures, he carefully pulled the box from the shelf when I wasn’t looking, scaled the canyon walls to reach me, ignored the mountain lions of bad memories, and bought them for me.
I think the Lego sparkle babies were his way of saying what he had really meant to say, too.
Tim’s First Homecoming Dance
The younger Timothy and I spent a lot of time each year picking out the perfect Halloween costume. Now, we spend time searching out the perfect color of tie and suit; we sift for the right fit for a shirt, and I have learned many elements of his signature style. He is wearing Mark’s shoes in these pictures because at the last minute, something about them called to his sensibilities, “dancing shoes.” Timothy is all about the details.
Unnecessary Fixtures
A fixture is something you think is necessary and useful in a house or schedule, and once it’s there, it becomes part of the landscape. You hardly think of it.
I am challenging many “fixtures” in our home and lifestyle.
The computer desk in the kitchen for kids? Not needed. They now use the kitchen table and my laptop on which I control access.
Books we own but did not enjoy and will not read again: donating those.
Fabric from the past twenty-four years: down to one box.
Cards and letters: while so meaningful to me, the objects themselves don’t bring happiness. It’s relationships that do that. I am parting with many of these pieces of paper.
Collections: what can’t be displayed and enjoyed is not needed.
Papers showing our children’s home education: I have learned most of these are not important to them, and just a few treasures are important to me.
Craft supplies: many of these have not been used since Paige was a little girl. Most can be donated.
Ultimate Frisbee: Just one night a week now, in a city league, not the school team.
Piano lesson times: changed to fit MY schedule better. This has made a huge difference in my stress levels, and we found times to make everyone happy.
Working through these objects and activities is also making me work through my history, my dreams, and my insecurities. It’s no surprise that a home is the best place to find out what a person is really dealing with. Apparently, I have real issues letting go of reminders of my children when they were young. This is silly because while they were adorable and smart and fun back then, they are even more interesting now. I love the new depth possible in relationships with my adults and teens, and it is so exciting to watch them soar. I am also learning to stand up for my personal needs when it comes to scheduling the kids and taking on obligations. I cannot run the pace that others run. For my gifts to flourish, I require a lot of stillness and order, and a good, real, in person conversation with someone every single day.
Just Keep Going
In recent years, I have measured success in projects completed and books read, people visited and words written. By most of these measures, I failed this summer, seriously failed. However, the days were full. I did what I thought I should do each day. I put aside some things to do the invisible and unnamed. Some days I wasted time, other days I did too much. I learned that my goal to read one book a week is not a good goal. The goal should be to keep reading.
So, the lesson of summer 2019 is to keep going, even when it seems like it doesn’t make a dent. Eventually, I will finish that 900-page book, and hope to see that these days of unremarkable tasks were the making of me.
(Photos are from our Labor Day hike to Twin Lakes, which took us past Solitude Lake and Silver Lake)