We all enjoy giving and receiving presents. But there is a difference between presents and gifts. True gifts may be part of ourselves– giving of the heart and mind– and therefore more enduring and of far greater worth than presents bought at the store.
James E. Faust
I played In the Bleak Midwinter in church. This is a screenshot from the YouTube broadcast.
Here you can kind of see Daniel, whose accompaniment was vital and beautiful.
I have been touched by many gifts this Christmas. Paige made drawings of Daniel and Tim at age three to complete my little collection of drawings of our children. Daniel may not consider this as part of his already generous gift and precious letter to me, but his piano accompaniment of the piece I played in church was a beautiful gift. Tim hand wrote long letters to each of us and made sure I had a gift from him under the tree, even though he wasn’t with us this year. Mark gave me a CD of music that he doesn’t enjoy himself, and was my companion for so many errands for Christmas giving. His service and company was so important to me this year.
It isn’t always possible to do something meaningful, but I know when I give “of my heart and mind,” the Spirit of Christmas fills my soul.
Today Paige and Michael celebrate their anniversary. Their presence in our lives is a gift and blessing.
We take our places in line together, one, two, three, last time. As we send Tim off to serve, once again our photos won’t be complete for a while. I have been thinking how the pandemic has lengthened our experiences with our children. Everything in our lives shifted, and we have been together more than we imagined we would at this phase in our lives. We have been given time, precious, unexpected, fortifying time, for which I am so thankful.
I cannot believe 25 years have passed, and I knew the day she was born that it was not her first moment of existence. Paige carried a distinct presence, bright and thoughtful, that continues to grow. It is a joy and privilege to be her mother.
I testify that your own personal journey as a child of God did not begin for you as the first flow of earth’s air came rushing into your lungs, and it will not end when you take your last breath of mortality. May we always remember that each spirit child of God is coming to earth on his or her own personal journey. May we welcome them, safeguard them, and always love them. As you receive these precious children in the Savior’s name and help them in their eternal journey, I promise you that the Lord will bless you and shower His love and approval upon you.
Elder Neil L. Andersen, “The Personal Journey of a Child of God,” Liahona, May 2021.
Richard is the one who plans our adventures. He likes to make the most of every minute. He tips well. He buys the souvenirs. He drives. He makes dinner or brings in takeout when I am not feeling well. He gets us up at 4:45 am because that’s what it takes get us to the best tide pools at low tide. He found the best whale watching tour in a Zodiac boat. How dull our lives would be without his energy. This trip to Oregon, with its four stops and activities at each place, was not an easy thing to plan. He did a great job, I think his best work yet.
Richard brought in a bowl of fresh raspberries from our yard, and within two minutes he was eating them on top of ice cream.
This week I got a call that my dad’s books were ready. Mark and I hauled out the heavy boxes to the car and took them to my dad. He hugged the one I handed to him and said it was pretty. The books ARE pretty! I also took a copy to Paige who illustrated the book so beautifully.
At church on Sunday, a bishop took time to acknowledge my work the past year with baptisms. With Covid, we needed to schedule baptisms individually, which meant a lot of coordination with bishops and families and many trips to the church. This was a huge piece my life for a year and someone noticed and took time to thank me publicly for some very behind-the-scenes work.
Richard and I have been working on an Eagle court of honor for Tim and Mark. Because of the pandemic we decided not to gather last year to honor them. Last night we finished the slideshows of their Scouting years. Richard’s steady presence in their journey was evident in the photos and videos we sorted. And they grow up right before our eyes in these slideshows.
Life has felt burdensome lately, and these harvest moments have given me a needed lift.
I don’t write much here about Richard, probably because I want to keep him to myself.
Here is something I wrote in 2012 about our wedding day. It’s worth clicking on this link to see the photo I included with the post, especially if you are family.
Spring Break happened, but we didn’t travel. I put miles on the car going back and forth to shuttle Mark to be with cousins. I finally visited an antique mall in Springville and purchased some beautiful plates there. I sewed with friends one afternoon, and I think that I drove our cross-country-road-trip-conversation about funerals.
I spoke in a leadership meeting at stake conference, which is a rare opportunity, so I dedicated each morning of Spring Break to writing and practicing my delivery. When the meeting was over, I rested on the couch and didn’t move for a long time. Richard watched a miniseries, The Woman in White with me. He worked in the yard all weekend.
Daniel enlisted Paige to illustrate something for a biology project. Tim worked so much on his landscaping job that we rarely saw him. Two more of us received a vaccine for COVID-19.
Our dog has ailments, then rallies.
Today everyone is back to routines: school, work, music, etc. but I am lagging. On Mondays you usually find me at my best, but I need a rest from the “break” we had last week from routine.
If you don’t know this film,* you don’t even know me, and I will let you borrow my copy. This scene is just like our Valentine’s Day this year: Stop! Don’t come any closer, dear.
“I am optimistic about the future. It will be filled with opportunities for each of us to progress, contribute, and take the gospel to every corner of the earth. But I am also not naive about the days ahead. We live in a world that is complex and increasingly contentious. The constant availability of social media and a 24-hour news cycle bombard us with relentless messages. If we are to have any hope of sifting through the myriad of voices and the philosophies of men that attack truth, we must learn to receive revelation. “Our Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ, will perform some of His mightiest works between now and when He comes again. We will see miraculous indications that God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, preside over this Church in majesty and glory. But in coming days, it will not be possible to survive spiritually without the guiding, directing, comforting, and constant influence of the Holy Ghost.”
-President Russell M Nelson, Revelation for the Church, Revelation for our Lives, April 2018
This is the phrase that stood out to me most from this passage:
“Our Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ, will perform some of His mightiest works between now and when He comes again.”
This is an exciting time to be alive. There is hope and comfort to be found in Jesus Christ. Some days I live from prayer to prayer, trying to stay focused on light and goodness. This week has been mentally challenging for me, and the message that kept coming to my mind was to humble myself and reach out for some counsel and comfort from Richard and my parents. As I did this, I found the stepping stones I needed to cross this deep water I am navigating.
I am going to California tomorrow with my parents to bring my grandmother to Utah. This will require finesse, love, and angels. I don’t like to leave my family, but my illness this year has taught me that they are strong. I have done all I can to prepare and to be healthy as we take this big step. Our extended family has come together in prayer and fasting to prepare. My prayers for my grandmother are for her comfort and peace, and that we will know, step by step, what to do and say. I lay my burden at the Lord’s feet, his glorious feet, every few hours, all day.
Isaiah 52:7-10:
7 ¶ How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him that bringeth good tidings, that publisheth peace; that bringeth good tidings of good, that publisheth salvation; that saith unto Zion, Thy God reigneth! 8 Thy watchmen shall lift up the voice; with the voice together shall they sing: for they shall see eye to eye, when the Lord shall bring again Zion. 9 ¶ Break forth into joy, sing together, ye waste places of Jerusalem: for the Lord hath comforted his people, he hath redeemed Jerusalem. 10 The Lord hath made bare his holy arm in the eyes of all the nations; and all the ends of the earth shall see the salvation of our God
I have done some work in the family’s bedrooms this week, and this video speaks to the feelings I have as I watch my children’s rooms change as they grow and leave home.
Seven months ago, before the pandemic impacted our lives, I had an idea to create an emotional tool kit, with physical objects to inspire and comfort. I wrote down a list on a post-it note, and began to move the note in my day planner, putting it off for another time. Maybe I was in denial. “Oh, I won’t need this,” or, “If I make it, something will happen that will make me need this.”
Then came new levels of isolation, earthquakes, uncertainty about the evacuation of missionaries, challenges from distance learning in schools, canceled plans, discomfort and disfigurement from abdominal surgery, and the secluded hospital stay. And so on.
I have been comforted, even without my little tool kit, no doubt about that. Still, this week, I remembered that I hadn’t compiled it, and decided it was time. It wasn’t difficult. I gathered things into an old hat box and slid it beneath my bed. Who knows if I will ever use it as I envision I might. If nothing else, it is a time capsule, and a reminder of my faith that comfort can be found in Christ, always.
The objects are small and have personal meaning. Some things are soft; others spur memories; on the bottom of the box are the scripture notes I have taken this year, which follow my 2020 spiritual journey even better than my journal. I tucked in a Michael Buble album that I love.
At times, everyone needs reminders that things are going to be okay.
If you are doing well, share your energy with others. If you are doing poorly, consider handling some physical reminders that Heavenly Father loves you and sent His Son for you. Allow the Spirit to bring joyful things to your remembrance. (John 14:26)
