Life according to Angela – Page 90

O Magnum Mysterium and an Old Friend

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKGBuwISjCg

(Play this while you read this post.)

I had a pen pal for a couple of years in high school. I met Karl at a music camp and he played the trombone. I can’t remember details about our meeting or what started our conversation that lasted so many years. He lived in Washington and we saw each other at summer music camps and during a few visits he made to family in the area. There were long walks and sad goodbyes, one at a train station where his sister placed coins on the tracks for a keepsake to give to me. The bulk of our friendship was built with ink, paper and stamps. We wrote long letters, but eventually I stopped writing. He came to BYU and we met several times during our years there.

Karl is an accomplished musician and has been a member of the President’s Own Marine Band for 14 years. The band came on tour to our high school last week and I was able to talk to him for a while during intermission. This is the song they played right after we talked, and it was the perfect accompaniment to the bright light I felt about my youth and this friendship I made through music. I am grateful for this friend who was a real gentleman to me.

I hope my children find (and be) good and decent people like this to fill their memories in their high school years. No one seems to write letters anymore, which is a shame. Some of my favorite relationships have been held together by writing.

Do you want to see a picture?

1-Karl Johnson — Richard surprised me and took this picture after I left the concert. Thankfully he had Daniel pose beside Karl because that would just be awkward to see a selfie of my husband and my old high school crush posing together. 😀

The Homecoming Dance and Dress

I went out of town for the weekend to visit my grandmother and I missed seeing Paige’s homecoming date. Richard took pictures for me. The dress looks so much pinker in natural light. In the store and in the house, it is a lot more muted in tone.

Paige and I found the dress on a clearance rack after shopping at 10 stores. It was only 12 or 14 sizes too big and it lacked sleeves, but it was the right length and the beads were gorgeous!

It had pockets, too, and I knew we could make some cap sleeves with these.

It was a very nice dress and fully lined, which meant I had a lot of reconstruction and hand sewing to do. The finished dress had about 8 inches less fabric around the waist and the cap sleeves went on very easily, thanks to an online tutorial. I watched episodes of The Paradise while I hand stitched the lining back into place. I probably ate chocolate while doing all of this, so really, it was pretty fun, although time consuming.

Daniel’s Day

Daniel joined our family in the early evening, a perfect baby after a difficult pregnancy which included major abdominal surgery. I was ecstatic that my little Daniel had made it through the lion’s den of my health issues. Prayer, faith, and a priesthood blessing were important elements in that miracle. (You can read about that here.)

He has always been resilient and strong. It’s a blessing that I don’t have much to worry about with Daniel. His independence, height, resourcefulness, and encyclopedic memory set him apart. He is great company in the car because he always has something interesting on his mind. You could come and hear him play a piano concerto on October 17th if you are in town.

Today we celebrate with homemade pizza, cheesecake, and presents, but the best celebrations are in my heart for a son who constantly amazes me. How thankful we are for Daniel.

A Funeral Today

They sat on the back row of the chapel, feet crossed neatly in the aisle where people walked into sacrament meeting in my parents’ ward. They were a long line of widows and a few elderly couples. Their well-set hair and brightly-colored tailored jackets were predictable parts of the scenery at church. They may have sat at the back of the chapel to distance themselves from perfumes, infants throwing Cheerios, or just because that is where they always sat. I think they sat there for the view.

Every week I knew that they were watching me and everyone else who walked into church. They were the silent cheerleaders in my life, and a smile was their greeting. I was surprised at how they knew my name or occasionally singled me out to talk about something, even years later when I would visit my parents’ ward during college or after I was married and living out of state. In retrospect, I shouldn’t have been surprised. Of course they knew me! They had watched me walk into church my whole life. They were my in-town grandmothers that I saw every week, unlike my own grandmothers that I would see only a few times a year.

My parents live in the same house they bought when I was two. They haven’t been to church in their ward in seven years because of missionary assignments. Eventually when their missionary service is over, they will go back to a ward that no longer has a long line of elderly women on the back row. I think that will be difficult for them. Their mentors and friends are almost all gone now.

We lost another of our grandmothers from the back row last week. Her name was Pat and instead of working on my “to do list” today, I decided to attend her funeral. She is one of the last of a beautiful group of friends who raised children together, served in the Relief Society together, and grew old together. I just had to go today so I could see a few of their faces again.

It was the right thing to do. I wanted to honor the steady influence she and the others have had in my life. Although this sister was unwell and unable to attend the temple for years, she renewed her temple recommend faithfully. The last temple recommend interview was just a few weeks before her death and she asked that they place her recommend in her hand before her burial.

This is the caliber of women with whom I attended church in my childhood. I was influenced by them when I was young, and memories of them make me want to be a better person now. They are angels to me because they watched over me… Sister Dunford, Sister Axelgard, Sister Asay, Sister Christensen, Sister Whittle, Sister Carter, Sister Hanna, Sister Stone, Sister Holcomb, Sister Davies, Sister Peterson, and more… (Only one from this list is still living.) Thank you for being my in-town grandmothers, steady, beautiful, and true to the faith.

A Summary

Where have you been during my absence online? I hope you’ve seen something beautiful or read something good or eaten a delicious meal without having to do the dishes afterwards.

We have been inside the house, at parks, in our schools, church, and work. It’s a full life. Richard works very long hours and on Saturdays. It is stressful for him. I am used to having him gone on weekdays, but those desolate Saturdays without him are just no fun.

The tepee is finished and looks so fun in Mark’s room.

Mark continues to pass through the gate behind our house to his friend’s house to play each day. There are kittens! There is a puppy! Our house lacks these things, but we do have Legos to make up for it, and I have been told that our food is good and I’ve been enlisted to sew a couple of projects for the little boy.

Paige completed the first two applications for awards and scholarships that she will submit this semester. What a task that is! Here is a collage of some of her art.

Paige spoke in Stake Conference on Sunday. We are so proud of her. She was calm, confident, and her talk about the Book of Mormon was beautiful. I wish you could have been there. Someone took this picture from another building where her message was being viewed on a screen.

Timothy made some great plays as catcher and first baseman last week and he tells me that he’s not ready to play the trombone for me yet.

Mark is good at hitting baseballs in his red helmet.

Daniel travels in a pack of friends that I really like. There are movie nights and Frisbee games at the park, game nights in our basement, and lunchtime ball games at school. Hooray for good friends!

1-Cumorah's Hill boys 2-001 — Photo by K. Trounce

The new violin had two debut performances this weekend at Stake Conference. I have been given so much praise. At first it made me feel shiny to get all of the attention. Now I feel a little dulled by it. I can’t explain it. Perhaps it’s just too much for me to take in. I do like hearing that people were touched by the music and that some people have translated the music to an expression of my testimony. Because it is.

1-Cumorah's Hill girls — Photo by K. Trounce

The weekend of music and speaking at Stake Conference made me feel like we’re accepted here. It’s not easy to integrate into a new place with people who have lived here a long time. The kindness of our neighbors has always made the transition softer, but to be invited to share thoughts and music makes me feel like people accept our version of contribution.

Richard made lemon ice cream to celebrate everything. All is well.

Autumn Decor*

Autumn colors are on their way to my kitchen. The reds, whites, and blues of summer are feeling out of style as the golden light filters through the windows and the leaves begin to look strained. I’ve decided to sew a couple of autumn buntings. Now and then I add to a collection of objects that I might display on the mantel. Autumn is a cluttered time outdoors so I like to clutter up my indoor spaces a bit. I’m having fun finding unlikely combinations in objects I already own.

Home decoration and craft stores overwhelm me. How about you? I walk into a store and think that I want to buy a little something but there are just too many options (most of them beautiful) and I walk out with nothing. I prefer natural objects and things that already have meaning for me to put on display: a tea cup from a grandmother, a craft from a child, maybe some chalk lettering on my little chalkboard, orange candies, fruits, pumpkins, and some framed leaves. My favorite decoration, regardless of the time of year, is family photographs!

If you’ve been in my house, you probably could have guessed that.

My first college roommate taught me to surround myself with photos of people I love.

It’s a great way to cheer up a space, and you don’t always need a frame.

*Writing about decorating feels a little bit like trying to write in Russian for me. The only design elements that get a lot of attention at our house are the kids’ art and our organized drawers of Legos! 😉

Sentimental Journey

One day my violin teacher, Liz Deters stopped me during my lesson and made me promise that I would never stop playing the violin. She was always very dramatic, but I took the promise seriously. I am so grateful that I did.

I became very sentimental before I picked up my new violin this weekend. I thought of all of the amazing opportunities that I have had with my old instrument, the generosity of my parents who bought it for me, the places I have played, and the people I have met. I reflected on the blessing that it’s been to be a violinist.

I reminisced a bit with Richard and I wondered if I would play in as many places with my new instrument. No, we decided, probably not. But that is okay. The opportunities of youth are over, but that doesn’t mean the memories and the experiences cease to enrich my life.

With my little instrument, I’ve been invited to celebrate at weddings and parties; I’ve also been invited to provide comfort at funerals. I’ve been invited to unique venues such as a high council meeting when I was a teenager and years later, a mountainside in the dark for Pioneer Trek. Some of my best friends have been my music friends. I’ve met generosity and sacrifice in my teachers, parents, husband, and children so I could play.

I’ve played my little instrument in the Salt Lake Tabernacle, high school auditoriums, LDS stake and ward buildings, at universities, and on hillsides. I’ve been a soloist, a concert master, and sat so far back in an orchestra that I could hardly see the conductor. I’ve felt strong and I’ve felt weak. I have learned to accept both compliments and mistakes gracefully.

My favorite times on the violin were a couple of Christmas parties in Arizona where I joined a band and we presented a fun program with pop, folk, and sacred music. I love fiddling for my family’s traditional dancing of the Virginia Reel in the mountains.

I am thankful for the emotional outlet my instrument has given me and I cherish the notes of thanks that I have received from people who have been touched by the music.

My new violin is here and last night I played everything I know how to play and then brought out some old concertos from my high school days. I am so thankful to be a violinist and I am excited for the new chapter of music in my life!

This week…

I fell in love with this. Richard has been trying to buy me a violin for a long time, but that’s not as easy as it sounds. I’ve tried out a lot of violins over the years and when I played this one, I knew that it was special. We joked that it was a little bit like wand shopping in Harry Potter. When I played it, I felt so strongly that THIS was the ONE! Magical! This weekend I get to bring it home. I am reading this. I just finished a chapter about the Vikings. Yikes. Scary. I am watching this a little bit at a time. Mark likes the corny humor in it more than I do. I’ve been concerned about THIS. We learned today that Richard still has a job.

I’m making a red one of these for Mark to use as a reading fort:

photo from Care's blog — photo from Care’s blog; pattern by Susan

We’ve cheered at baseball games for Mark and Timothy. I haven’t been cooking much, but Daniel told me tonight that the food this week has been especially good. Now that’s an accomplishment. Did I mention that I am getting a new violin? That’s really all I can think about.

Morning Walk

Mark and I try to exercise each school day. Some days are so beautiful that we take long walks in the wilderness. On rainy days I ride my exercise bike and he will play Wii sports. One day he found a yoga feature and it was pretty charming.

Flowers are blooming on our mountain path. The light is hinting at a change in tone. Autumn is my favorite time of year.

His grace is sufficient.

Post-edit note: Thank you for your prayers and kind words. I was calmer than I have ever been while playing in public, and that was a miracle in my life. The arrangement and my accompanist were amazing and I feel good about the song. I want to clarify that I love my “student violin” because it has done its job: I have learned to play the violin and I have had many wonderful experiences with music with it under my chin! The negative things that someone told me about my violin were not solicited. I have never asked someone to find fault with my instrument. Violin people can be snobby. I don’t want to sound snobby! I didn’t intend my words about the violin to be seen as a complaint, but to emphasize that we are all imperfect “instruments” that God chooses to use for His purposes and our benefit. Isn’t it great to look back on a difficult task and see the hand of God strengthening you though it? He loves us.

I love public speaking. I love presenting lessons. But I don’t get to do that very often. I feel like Alma in The Book of Mormon when he said, “O that I were an angel, and could have the wish of mine heart, that I might go forth and speak with the trump of God, with a voice to shake the earth, and cry repentance unto every people.”

Later he acknowledges that he “sin[s] in his wish; for I ought to be content with the things which the Lord hath allotted to me.” (Alma 29:1, 3)

Some of my zeal for speaking and teaching comes from pride in one of my talents. Some of it comes from the power of testimony. However, I am learning for myself what Moses and others have learned: God doesn’t always ask us to use our best talents. Sometimes (most often?) we are asked to act in one of our weak areas.

Instead of teaching, I am asked to share my testimony with a student violin and with a smaller talent that I struggle to find time to nurture. Instead of the favored path of hours of study and writing, I am asked to practice the violin, which is monotonous and lacks vistas of great thinking from favorite authors. (I should probably spend more time marveling at the work of the great composers I am practicing.) It also reminds me constantly of where I need to improve.

I have struggled with insecurity in my abilities. It wasn’t always this way. I just got out of practice. So, I resolved last year to practice the violin more often. I don’t enjoy practicing, but my confidence in playing in public is increasing, and my skills are better. I have also learned to ask people to pray for me.

My instrument is still old and needs new strings, a new bridge, and some repair. I’ve been told that no matter what I do, I won’t be able to play any louder on this instrument. So be it. I have learned that although imperfect, my violin playing is an acceptable sacrifice and God’s grace is sufficient to overcome my fears. (Ether 12:27)

Perhaps the greatest gift in being asked to play the violin in public is that it forces me to come out of myself and my securities, and the raw faith of that act may have greater effect on the hearts of others than my words would ever have. I’m not so selfish to think that it’s all about me. I really hope to bless others.

I’m playing a challenging piece tomorrow in church. Here is a recording of Jenny Oaks Baker playing it. I would appreciate your prayers.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSXM6LS4km4