Life according to Angela – Page 87

My big project this year

1-snowflake class — I held a little snowflake making class at out house yesterday. As you can see, the women who came caught on very quickly.

This year I am dedicating time each day to write a book of glimpses of and reflections on motherhood.

It takes courage to write that. It will take courage to hit “publish” when I finish writing this post. I have been thinking about writing a book for a long time. I avoid publicizing my blog because the family is on display along with my words, but I want to share my writing with a larger audience. When I told Richard about my plans, he just said, “Wow, you’ve been thinking about this a lot.”

I am adapting some essays from the blog, but there will be plenty of new material, too. I work each morning for about an hour (or three). I have about 50 pages written.

I’m writing because I want to share a realistic but positive definition of motherhood without a focus on decorating nurseries and complaining about every little thing.

I’m writing because I wish there were more mothers with children over the age of ten sharing their experiences and perspective.

I’m writing because my children are growing up and I need to hold on to some memories (or write them down before I forget).

I’m writing because motherhood is difficult, but there are ways of finding joy in it. I’m writing to show others that finding joy is a strategy and it’s a skill; it’s not an air-brushed way of looking at life that refuses to acknowledge the bad.

I’m not writing because I think the book will be picked up by a publisher; in fact, I’ll probably have to print the book on the old laser jet and have it bound at the local print shop. The important thing is that my family will have this record. I will have this record. If anyone else can benefit from it and enjoy it, that will make me happy, too.

Any advice, requests… (encouragement)?

A Book for the New Year

I never considered that reading the gospel of Mark would be a perfect way to bring in the New Year. It is so good at showing how to prioritize reflection and people despite being busy…even busy doing worthy things.

I read Mark 5 with the kids yesterday after school and asked them what they thought about a question I was pondering. Jesus told the man from whom he had cast out devils to go and tell his friends about it. Most of the time, Jesus tells people to keep the miracle of healing a private experience. (People can’t help telling, though.) Why was this man asked to share?

I didn’t expect an answer. In fact, I hadn’t found a satisfactory answer for myself. However, before we moved to the next verses, Timothy had a thought. He told us that Jesus knew that he would be surrounded by crowds of people asking him to heal them, but he was most willing to heal those with spiritual problems.

There you go. The Savior dealt with problems of crowd control, but he wanted it known that he was available to those who sought to be healed spiritually. That is what he was chosen to do from the beginning, and it’s still his work now. I believe it’s what he loves to do.

Ways to be a missionary

I’m typing this list for myself today and I thought I’d share because I don’t have any happy photos of the kids to show. (School has begun.) This is a list of 98 scripture references about being an effective missionary that I have found in my study during the past few months. I’ve included summaries, personal interpretations, and annotations of these scriptures. You may learn something else from looking up the references.

Alma 8:32: Preach and prophesy according to the spirit and power that the Lord has given you.
Alma 7:24: See that you have faith, hope, and charity, and then ye will always abound in good works.
Alma 7:23: Be humble, meek, submissive, and gentle; easy to be entreated; full of patience and long-suffering; temperate in all things; diligent in keeping the commandments of God at all times; asking for whatsoever things ye stand in need, both spiritual and temporal; always returning thanks unto God for whatsoever things ye do receive.
Alma 6:8: [Preach] according to revelation and the spirit of prophecy, according to the testimony of Jesus Christ
Alma 6:6: Join with the Church in fasting and mighty prayer for those who know not God.
Alma 6:5: Be liberal (share) unto all
Alma 5:62: Speak by way of invitation.
Alma 5:49: Preach unto all
Alma 5:48: Bear testimony of Jesus Christ.
Alma 5:46: Fast and pray to know for yourself by the Holy Spirit what is true.
Alma 4:19: Bear pure testimony
Alma 1:21: Do not persecute others.
D&C 133:57: Reason in plainness and simplicity.
Mosiah 27:35: Publish all things that you have seen.
Mosiah 27:37: Publish peace, good tidings of good; declare that the Lord reigns
Mosiah 23:18: Watch over one another and nourish others with righteous acts and words.
Mosiah 23:14: Be a trustworthy teacher by being a man or woman of God and keep the commandments.
D&C 124:4: Write in the spirit of meekness by the power of the Holy Ghost.
D&C 123:17: Cheerfully do all in our power and be assured that God will help and save.
D&C 121:45: Be full of charity towards all; have virtuous thoughts continually; then you will have confidence and and understanding of doctrine
D&C 121:26: Receive knowledge through the Holy Spirit.
D&C 115:5: Arise and shine forth, that thy light may be a standard for the nations;
D&C 112:28: Purify your hearts, then go to all the world and preach the gospel to everyone.
D&C 112:10: Be humble and the Lord will lead thee by the hand, and give thee answer to thy prayers.
D&C 112:4: Let your heart be of good cheer; bear record of the Lord’s name.
Mosiah 15:16: Publish peace.
D&C 108:7: Strengthen others in all your conversation, in all your prayers, in all your exhortations, in all your doings.
D&C 101:16: Be still and know that I am God.
D&C 100:7: Declare in Christ’s name with solemnity and meekness.
D&C 100:6: Remember that it shall be given you in the very hour, yea, in the very moment, what ye shall say.
D&C 100:5: Speak the thoughts that the Lord shall put in your hearts.
D&C 98:16: Proclaim peace, seek diligently to turn the hearts of the children to their fathers, and the hearts of the fathers to the children.
D&C 98:1: Fear not, let your hearts be comforted, rejoice evermore, and in everything give thanks.
D&C 90:24: Search diligently, pray always, and be believing; walk uprightly
D&C 90: Be not ashamed or confounded; avoid pride; Set in order your house; keep slothfulness and uncleanness far from you.
D&C 90:15: Study and learn, become acquainted with all good books, and languages, tongues, and people.
Enos: Pray, labor in faith and diligence for others
Enos 1:9: Feel a desire for the welfare of others and pour our your whole soul unto God for them.
D&C 88:124: Cease to be idle, unclean; cease to find fault with one another; cease to sleep longer than is needful; retire to bed early, arise early.
D&C 88:123: Love one another; do not covet; learn to impart (teach, give) as the gospel requires.
D&C 88:119: Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; establish a house of prayer, fasting, faith, learning, glory, order, a house of God.
D&C 88:118: Seek diligently and teach words of wisdom; seek out of the best books; seek learning by study and by faith.
D&C 88:84: Prepare the saints for the hour of judgment which is to come.
D&C 88:84: labor diligently that you may be perfected in your ministry.
D&C 88:81: Testify and warn the people; it becometh every man who hath been warned to warn his neighbor.
D&C 88:77-78: Teach the doctrine of the kingdom. Be instructed in theory, principle, doctrine, law of the Gospel; of many subjects… so you may be prepared share and fulfill the mission the Lord has for you.
D&C 88:74: organize yourselves, prepare yourselves, sanctify yourselves, purify your hearts.
D&C 84:106: Strengthen those who are weak in meekness.
D&C 84:85: Don’t take thought beforehand what to say, but treasure up in your minds continually the words of life; it shall be given to you in the very hour that portion that shall be given..
D&C 84:80: Be faithful and you will not be weary in mind and you will be watched over.
D&C 84:73: Do not boast of things that you have received; Do not share the most sacred experiences you have with everyone.
D&C 84: 61: Be steadfast and solemn in mind and be prayerful; Bear testimony to the world of the things that are communicated to you by the Spirit.
2 Nephi 33:1: Speak by the power of the Holy Ghost and it will be carried to the hearts of others.
D&C 81:5: Stand in the office you have in the church; succor the weak; lift up the hands that hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees.
D&C 80:3: Preach to all; it mattereth not where, for ye cannot go amiss.
D&C 80:1: Preach the gospel to every creature that cometh under the sound of your voice.
D&C 79: The Comforter will teach you the truth and the way you should go.
2 Nephi 32:9: Pray always and not faint; ye must not perform anything unto the Lord save in the first place ye shall pray unto the Father in the name of Christ.
2 Nephi 32:5: Enter the way, receive the Holy Ghost; it will show you all things what ye should do.
2 Nephi 32:3: Speak the words of Christ; feast upon the words of Christ; the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do.
2 Nephi 31:14: Through the power of the Holy Ghost, you can speak the tongue of angels.
D&C 75: 4: Lift up your voice as with the sound of a trump proclaiming truth according to the revelations and commandments of the Lord.
2 Nephi 25:26: Talk of Christ; rejoice in Christ; preach of Christ; prophesy of Christ; write according to our prophecies.
2 Nephi 25:23: Labor diligently to write, to persuade others to believe in Christ and his grace.
2 Nephi 25:4: Delight in plainness, that others may learn.
D&C 71:6: To him that receiveth the gospel shall be given more, even power.
D&C 68:3: Speak as they are moved upon by the Holy Ghost.
2 Nephi 22:4: Declare [the Lord’s] doings among the people.
D&C 63:64: Speak of sacred things with care, and by constraint of the Spirit. Receive the Spirit through prayer.
D&C 63:44: The Lord allows us to use our wisdom to make choices in how we will do things.
D&C 62:5: The Lord isn’t going to tell you everything you should do; Do what seems good to you; be faithful and declare glad tidings.
D&C 62:8: Do according to your judgment and the directions of the Spirit.
D&C 60:14: Proclaim the gospel not in haste, neither in wrath nor with strife.
D&C 60:13: Do not idle away your time; do not bury your talents that they are not known.
D&C 60:8: Preach the word not in haste.
D&C 60:7: Declare with loud voices, without wrath or doubting.
1 Nephi 11:22-23: Seek the love of God in your heart; it is joyous to the soul.
D&C 50: 21-22: Preach by the Spirit of truth; those who preach and receive will be edified and rejoice together if the Spirit is present.
2 Nephi 3:20: Use simple words.
D&C 43:34-35: Treasure up truth in your hearts, let the solemnities of eternity rest upon your minds; Be sober. Keep all commandments.
D&C 43:20: Lift up your voice and spare not, teaching all. Prepare for the Second Coming.
D&C 43:16: Be taught from on high. Sanctify yourselves and be endowed with power. (Attend the temple and receive temple ordinances.)
D&C 43:8: Instruct and edify one another.
D&C 42:16: Lift up voices by the Comforter, ye shall speak and prophesy as seemeth me good;
D&C 42:12: Teach the principles of [the] gospel, which are in the Bible and the Book of Mormon.
D&C 38:41: Warn neighbor with mildness and meekness.
D&C 11:21: Seek first to obtain the Lord’s word before declaring it.
D&C 11:12: Put your trust in that Spirit which leadeth to do good–yea, to do justly, to walk humbly, to judge righteously; and this is my Spirit.
D&C 11:7: Seek not for riches but for wisdom.
D&C 12:8: No one can assist in this work except he shall be humble and full of love, having faith, hope and charity, being temperate in all things.
D&C 26:1: Let your time be devoted to the studying of the scriptures, and to preaching.
D&C 24:10: Do not suppose that [you] can say enough in [the Lord’s] cause.
D&C 28:16: Open your mouth at all times, declaring gospel with the sound of rejoicing.
D&C 30:11: Ever open your mouth in the Lord’s cause; do not fear what man can do.
D&C 30:6: Be afflicted in all [your neighbor’s] afflictions. (Sympathetic, sustaining)
D&C 31:9: Be patient in afflictions; revile not against those that revile. Govern your house in meekness, and be steadfast.
D&C 32:1: Declare the gospel and learn of Christ, be meek and lowly in heart.
D&C 33:2: Lift up your voices as with the sound of a trump.

Snowflakes

I set my handmade snowflakes all over the house. Their delicate beauty reminds me that each person, each talent, each personality trait, and each hour to enjoy them is unique and should be treasured. Happy New Year, everyone.

Words to match the season

Richard and I were awake early Christmas morning when the snow began to fall. It was a perfect Christmas setting. More things than snow affected my heart this year. There were moments of deep spiritual peace, happiness, some melancholy, satisfaction, and searching. Memories had full expression as I nestled in blankets near the Christmas tree. Here are some of the words that have found meaning for me over this Christmas break.

Sages, leave your contemplations,
Brighter visions beam afar;
Seek the great desire of nations,
Ye have seen His natal star;
Come and worship,
Come and worship,
Worship Christ, the newborn King!

-James Montgomery, Angels From the Realms of Glory

With the end of the year comes a lot of introspection for me. I wonder if I am better than I was last year. I wonder if I have contributed enough of myself to others. I wonder if I CAN change my poor habits. It was during some of these thoughts that I really listened to the lyrics of the Christmas Hymn above. “Sages, leave your contemplations, Brighter visions beam afar; Seek the great desire of Nations…” I was being reminded to look beyond my plans and thinking and look to the Savior. “Brighter visions beam afar…” With him, all things, greater things than I can imagine, are possible.

…But [she] kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart. -Luke 2:19

Timothy was ordained a Deacon in the Aaronic Priesthood just before Christmas. There were 3 generations of family represented in the room. A week later, Paige received her Patriarchal Blessing. This time, past, present, and future generations mingled in the words of her blessing. Each of these sacred experiences I will keep in my heart for a long time.

If we could look into each other’s hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care. -Elder Marvin J Ashton, Ensign, May 1992.

I learned to love several more people in 2014. This required throwing away some of my hasty judgments about their motivations and choices. I was humbled several times as I learned about challenges that they face, mostly in silence. I learned again that loving people is less about merit (mine and theirs) and more about vision. We love who people really are, not the things that hold them down.

And it was always said of him, that he knew how to keep Christmas well, if any man alive possessed the knowledge. May that be truly said of us, and all of us! -Charles Dickins, A Christmas Carol.

I was a little stretched and had some grumpy Scrooge moments as we were inundated with things to buy and things to bake and places to be. I heard the words of Dickens about the reformed Ebeneezer Scrooge, “And it was always said of him, that he knew how to keep Christmas well.” Had we kept Christmas well? I sat down and wrote the things that we did that really mattered. This winnowing of memories helped me to see that we had.

I have many hopes and dreams for 2015. At the close of the 2014, I am so thankful for music, lyrics, literature, family, and scripture that helps me keep the season in proper perspective.

A few of my questions

1-IMG_20141109_132214 — I don’t have a picture to go with this post, but some of you come to the blog for the pictures. This is how I do not look today. This is when I had just won my third beauty pageant… or was it my fourth? 😉

I am finishing my reading of the Doctrine in Covenants in the next few days. I decided to read with a few questions in mind. In my study of the Book of Mormon I am focusing on other questions. Here are my D&C questions:

Topic: Missionary work

Am I called to the work?
How can I share the gospel?
What are some words of encouragement as I do this?

Topic: Priesthood: What are the differences between…?

Priesthood keys
Priesthood power
Priesthood authority

Wow. I have found some beautiful answers. I have found many answers. I read the D&C this time using the Gospel Library app on my phone and tagged the verses that apply to these questions. I am not very technical, and I was pleasantly surprised on Sunday to see that all of my annotations and tags are saved on my lds.org account so I can access them on my computer and print them, etc.

It’s funny how we think we know everything when we are young. The older I get, the more I see that I have to learn and the more I want to study. Is this what they call the beginning of wisdom?

Still, still, still

A few nights ago I stayed up late working on a Christmas gift and felt the stillness and peace that is familiar to me at this time of year. There can be a big to-do about the worldliness of Christmas gift giving, but I find that giving gifts and making gifts (sometimes late into the night) is the best way for me to celebrate the generosity of the Savior. Spending late nights working on projects gives me some quiet time to distance myself from the busy days and to think about people I love. This is why I like to make gifts.

I have a dream of being able to make fabric dolls with sweet embroidered faces. I have poured over books to learn techniques and styles but I haven’t made an attempt to sew one yet.

Many years ago I had a friend whose close family member was dying of cancer. I watched her pain and anger and deep sadness with empty thoughts. I had nothing I could offer in wisdom and empathy. My sympathy sounded tinny when I tried to voice it. She avoided company and conversation, so words were not really an option anyway. I went to a local boutique and found a handmade doll and left it at her home. Years later I received a note from her about the doll.

I have to tell you your kindness to me when my [family member] died was the most amazing gift you could give me. I’ve spoken on grief a couple of times here – go figure!! – and I always bring the doll you brought me as an example of a wordless expression of love when there were NO words that would have made me feel better.

I experienced a lot of pain and had three major surgeries in my early twenties. One time my mom brought me a handmade doll to hold in the hospital. It was the perfect gift when I was separated from my children and had empty arms.

The other day I found some pre-made doll bodies at the craft store and I bought one. I figure that this will be a good entry-level project. It just needs some embroidery, hair, and clothes. This will be the year that I begin to make dolls. I won’t accomplish it before Christmas, but I hope to be a doll maker by next Christmas.

I’ve noticed that children don’t appreciate a handmade doll as much as grown-ups do. I won’t be the weird aunt who gives unwanted, imperfect handmade dolls to her nieces. My dolls will be for people full of cares and worries and pain.

I have a tender list of people who I think could use a doll to hold right now. Did your heart just leap because you know that you are one of them? Perhaps I don’t know what you are going through, but I hope you have a better day today.

What I learned at the Christmas devotional

My favorite lines from the First Presidency Christmas Devotional were spoken by President Henry B. Eyring. He spoke about Light. He began by talking about the angels who appeared to the shepherds who then visited the baby Jesus.

They were drawn on that sacred night to go to the Savior. What they saw with their physical eyes in the stable was a tiny baby. What they went to verify was visible only through spiritual feelings. We know that the Light of Christ is an influence we can recognize by its effects.

The Savior said, “For behold, it is I that speak. Behold, I am the light which shineth in darkness and by my power I give these words unto thee. Now verily, verily, I say unto thee, put your trust in that Spirit which leadeth to do good. Yea, to do justly, to walk humbly, to judge righteously. This is my Spirit. Verily, verily I say unto you, I will impart unto you of my Spirit which shall enlighten your mind, which shall fill your soul with joy.” (D&C 11:11-13, emphasis added) (I transcribed this by hand because the text wasn’t available. Hopefully I got it right.)

This was a good message for me. Although I only have the symbols of the Savior around me, I can still see Him with spiritual eyes. I love the scripture President Eyring used to tell us how to accomplish this. I learned that if we want to have a spiritual experience at Christmas, the Spirit of Christmas leads us to act, not just in tangible ways, but in the way we think of others. It is a call to be gentle in our appraisal of others. It is this kind of giving that will bring us the joy we hope to have at Christmas.

I’m focusing on being generous in my thoughts. This means I am giving everyone the benefit of the doubt in my mind and words. I’m avoiding criticism and negativity. It’s a simple formula to help me see beyond the well-intentioned busy-ness of Christmas.

What stood out to you in this quote? What are you doing to embrace the season?

We’ve had some good times

Photo from K. Nelson from Girls Camp 2014 (Can you spot the trained ballerina? That’s Paige.)

We celebrate Paige today because she received her Young Womanhood Recognition award by the Bishop in church. It’s another milestone in the hastening end of her days of “growing up”. That little rubied medallion signifies hundreds of hours of service, study, development of talents, and faith. We are so very proud of her.

We gathered to celebrate my niece Kaitlyn’s baptism on Saturday. There are many sweet things about the baptism of a child. I watch the younger siblings and cousins who look forward to their own baptism days. They watch so intently. They are curious! Some press their faces against the glass to be as close as possible. I am touched by the witnesses, who are often the grandfathers. Their job is solemn, but it must feel like the job is icing on the cake. The grandmothers are shiny in their bright jackets and full smiles. They often share their wisdom in a message about baptism or the Holy Ghost and in whispered words during hugs. There is usually a stressed-out mother, thinking of details, to whom the major part of the child’s gospel learning has fallen. The importance of the day settles deeply in a mother’s heart. All of this surrounds two people dressed in white. The tender father helps the child step into the water, offers a prayer, and carefully lowers the child under the water. It’s simple. It’s sacred. Kaitlyn’s special day had all of these elements, but her little light made it unique and her own. I smile when I think how lovely Kaitlyn looked and behaved. Congratulations!

It still looks like Christmas time because the light of winter is unmistakable, but there is no sparkly snow. Timothy pines for some and worries that there won’t be snow to make forts on his birthday in a few weeks. A white Christmas IS the ideal now. Something I have learned from living in several different places is that you can love wherever you live, and it’s possible to love different climates. We have!

For some entertainment on Saturday night we pulled out the home movies of Christmases past. “We’ve had some good times,” Richard said.

Yes, my dear, we have.

Creative Days

1-DSC_2390 — We had some snow last month. It melted quickly, but not before the two boys had made several snowmen and a “perfect snowball” that we considered storing in the freezer.

I had several really creative days this week. I raced through my housework and sat down to choose music, pictures, and movies for our annual Christmas video for the grandparents. Another day I painted gifts, cut fancy papers, and wrapped presents. I even finished all of the applique work on my Thanksgiving wall hanging. Now I have a year to finish the embroidery. Last week Mark and I covered every counter top and table to paint a dozen large papers we will cut into shapes to make Eric Carle style art projects.

I rarely plan ahead for a day of creative work, and I usually get swept into a project before I’ve combed my hair or gotten dressed for the day. Yesterday before I knew it, it was 2 pm. The school teaching and housework were done, but I hadn’t benefited from a trip to the mirror all day.

One reason for all of this creativity is that the truck was in the shop and I didn’t have transportation. I guess I needed to expand my world a little. My days of creative isolation left me with a shopping list that includes more tape, more paint, and more glue!