Daniel’s choir performed at the Assembly Hall at Temple Square. The music was inspiring and beautiful. Daniel accompanied the choir on the piano for I Saw Three Ships arranged by Mack Wilberg on a Steinway. He loved that piano!
My cousin came and she brought my Great-uncle Dwight. I was so touched that both of them came.
Dear Friend,
How are you? Have you had your first winter cold yet? I won’t ask you if your Christmas gifts are all ready, but I will ask, what are you loving about your Christmas celebration this year? I am adding more lights everywhere and asking my boys to cook with me almost every night.
Richard went with the youth last night to see the lights at Temple Square and everyone was thankful for the heated parking lot across the street.
On Monday night we held Sloth Family Home Evening. One boy just stared blankly at the wall when we asked him questions. I looked around the room and we were all slumped over in our chairs. We are working on helping our boys articulate the things they learn and spiritual impressions they have as we watch General Conference talks each week. Some weeks we have great answers. This week it was painful. I think that the cold that we’ve passed around to one another has affected our morale.
We watched Elder Andersen’s talk about sharing the gospel. As I watched, an uncomfortable feeling came that I should share a recent blog post on social media, so I did. You know how I don’t like public comments about my writing, so this was not a fun thing. Richard saw my grimace as I hovered over the “post” button and asked what was wrong. It was not a perfect post I was sharing, and not really developed, and it didn’t have the perfect ending. There was no photo. But I told people that the Savior loved them in it. Some people have reached out to me because of it on social media and elsewhere, and the discussion has developed in many directions, from funny stories about the kids, health, service, and avoiding comparisons with other mothers.
Have you tried the little battery-powered LED lights? They have the tiniest wires so you hardly see them wrapped around things. I have seen them used in centerpieces and wreaths. I have some wrapped around some pine cones down the center of my table that my friend Charlene collected and spray painted gold as a Christmas gift for me. It is really pretty.
My Aunt Jeanne sent me some photos of my grandmother who passed away earlier this year. I framed one of them. She is holding me near a Christmas tree and I am about three years old. I love it!
Today there is a party with my quilt group. There will be food and some of my favorite people there. I’m really looking forward to that. Also, since December is so busy, I have canceled all Relief Society presidency meetings and all we are doing is visiting sisters. Tonight we are stopping by 8 houses. This is one of my favorite memories from last Christmas in Relief Society, the marathon delivery nights where we stopped in just for a few minutes at each house to spread some cheer.
Our annual Christmas video production is underway. Instead of a lip sync, we DANCED! The same boy that stared blankly at the wall when we asked him questions on Monday, stared blankly at the wall when we told him it was time to dance. But then we blasted the music and even the blank stare child danced, danced, danced. Richard and I aged about 5 years during the filming, but it’s going to be worth it. Yes, I think it will be worth it. I hope it will. It better be.
I found the perfect Christmas card, but the store only had 30 of them. If you want one, tell me on Facebook. Just kidding. I really dislike that trend of making people ask you for invitations to events through Facebook. Addresses aren’t that hard to find. It’s not a deal breaker for me, though. Sometimes we do what we have to do. And sometimes we have to use Facebook.
Mark and I are studying the tensions over religion in Europe during the 1600’s-1700’s. In a recent essay he wrote, “James II was a Catholic. *GASP!*” and I probably laughed out loud. He is writing an essay this week about the things he would do to improve our house. He thinks we should raise the ceilings, paint his room, and make everything bigger! He obviously doesn’t have to vacuum the house often enough.
Daniel and I are working on the Piano Guy’s arrangement of O Come O Come Emmanuel for church on the 18th. Our friends are returning from their mission and speaking in church that day. I realized that I played at their “farewell” sacrament meeting, too. What are the odds of that?
I should be sewing, but my fingers are sore. My Christmas gifts are almost ready, but I have to pace myself.
Timothy’s 14th birthday is coming soon. All he wants is to go to the opening night of Rogue One. Richard took him to the midnight premier of the Star Wars movie last year and apparently, it was life-changing for Tim.
Paige is in her last day of classes before finals. How quickly the semester goes when you’re not the one in classes. We are looking forward to having her home.
I wish you the best of days. Let me know how you are doing.
Love,
A
This Advent activity on LDS.org is a beautiful thing and I am going to follow it each day, but if I decide to share what I do, it will be in vague terms. Today to “lift a burden” I spent time on hold with customer service to fix something for a family member and visited someone who was in bed. I feel my life is pretty standard and not exemplary in any way, but I still feel God’s involvement in the details, and that means so much to me.
My craft room shelves are full of soft, colorful, whimsical gifts for Christmas. I wish I could post some pictures, but my projects are top secret. This year I am giving to my brother Joe and his kids. The goal is comfort and joy for this precious, buffeted family. As November turns to December, and until Christmas, you will find me embroidering and hand sewing in the late evenings. Heaven.
Last night I gathered with my presidency to package our Christmas and 2017 birthday gifts for the sisters in our ward. The Christmas gifts are not quite ready to show, but the birthday gifts are ready. We will give each sister one of these lip balm packages on her birthday. They are so pretty. Richard helped me make the labels to stick on these little jars that we ordered from Bulk Apothecary. I found the “Charity Never Faileth” graphic on Pinterest. These gifts are less than a dollar each with packaging.
I like to watch the kids set up the Nativities each Christmas. One thing I have noticed over the years is that children often set up the figures in a close circle around Jesus, each figure as close to the Christ Child as it can be without excluding anyone, even the animals. This simple arrangement makes sense to a child and gives us a view of the backs of shepherds and wise men, and very little view of the baby.
Tonight I watched Mark set up a Nativity like the figures were in a huddle and then change his mind and open the circle a little bit. He turned a few figures so they were in profile view, allowing us to see not only their expressions, but the one they worshiped.
Perhaps there are times when we need to huddle in close and focus on our faith, but more often, I think we need to open our circle and share our reaction to the Savior’s presence in our lives with others.
I want to be really good at being a shepherd, welcoming others into the circle. I want to be like the angel who gets to tell the good tidings, “Jesus lives!” and, “He loves you!” I want to be like the wise men who study and have a true understanding of their King. I want my life to point to Christ, just as each figure in the Nativity looks to Jesus.
Thou gracious God, whose mercy lends
the light of home, the smile of friends,
our gathered flock thine arms enfold
as in the peaceful days of old.
Wilt thou not hear us while we raise
in sweet accord of solemn praise
the voices that have mingled long
in joyous flow of mirth and song?
For all the blessings life has brought,
for all its sorrowing hours have taught,
for all we mourn, for all we keep,
the hands we clasp, the loved that sleep.
The noontide sunshine of the past,
these brief, bright moments fading fast,
the stars that gild our darkening years,
the twilight ray from holier spheres.
We thank thee, Father; let thy grace
our loving circle still embrace,
thy mercy shed its heavenly store,
thy peace be with us evermore.
Words: Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr., 1869
These are personal goals, not a sermon.
My early years in Arizona were intense and isolated. I didn’t have a lot of friends and I was with the kids all day, every day. I was home schooling and Richard had many church obligations on Sunday and some weekday evenings. One evening, Richard took the three boys camping and Paige was at a friend’s house watching movies. I realized I would be alone all evening, and none of my children needed me.
I sat on the couch, and the silence hovered all around me. The piano wasn’t being played. The dishes were done. No one was asking me for a cup of milk or a bowl of goldfish crackers. The accumulated fatigue from my lifestyle seemed to settle like a frost, and my body, used to constant motion and focus, took its cue and didn’t feel like doing ANYTHING. I couldn’t settle on what to do with this time alone. I had lost excitement for things other than parenting that I loved to do.
I had hit a wall of exhaustion, and it would take more than one night alone to sort things out. But I did. I wasn’t always exhausted, but there was a pessimism that hounded me. I hope my experience can be helpful to someone else.
Now that the fog of those early parenting years is gone, I see more distinctly how stretched I was. To be clear, I loved playing with, teaching, reading to, and spending time with my children. But it was also very difficult. Writing my worries about the kids and my doubts in my parenting choices in my journal was a healthy outlet. I’d come away from a good journal-writing session feeling like the problems were expressed and solutions were on the way. I rarely took time to write about the good things about parenting in my journal, though, and that was something that needed to change.
Being tired, even exhausted, is a real part of being a parent of young children. Difficulty doesn’t necessarily mean something is bad. Those early years are a temporary marathon. If I could do it again, I wouldn’t feel ashamed of my personal need for solitude. I didn’t want to give the impression to anyone, especially the kids, that I saw parenting as a burden. But parenting IS a burden; it is a worthy, beautiful burden, and like any burden, it needs to be set down sometimes. I was wrong to think that taking some time away from the kids was selfish. It taxed my mental health to deny myself time with Richard and deny myself time alone. It created impossible dilemmas in my marriage. My prayers suffered. I could physically do the things I needed to do, but my spirit was faltering. I had developed a bad attitude about so many things.
I found my way out over the next few years by making some very minor adjustments in my life. There is nothing religious in my formula except a search for joy. I didn’t pray more or make huge efforts in temple work. I just decided to focus on the happy side of my story. I was still a stay at home mom with 4 children to educate. Richard was still busy at church. We were still living in the desert. All that changed was my attitude. The change came gradually because I did the following (these are links to old posts)*:
*If you are a parent of young children, perhaps your needs are different than mine. While I needed solitude, maybe you need more time with friends. I needed independence; a housekeeper or regular babysitter would have been too hard for me to accept. You may be different. Perhaps help around the house would be just the thing. Pride and comparison can get in the way of finding joy, too. It seems to me that the best thing to do is make a list of your interests, gifts, limitations, and dreams and make a plan. Finding joy can be as basic as smiling at a belligerent toddler instead of getting angry, or finding time to do something you love, even for one minute.
I love a lot of people, but these are my favorites. They gathered together to take me to lunch. Lucky me to have them in my life.
The General Conference Ensign magazine just arrived in my mailbox. This is one of my favorite birthday presents each year. I don’t like having a birthday on general election day, and this year I don’t. Richard has been asking me what I want for my birthday because I am someone who has everything, truly, everything. My wardrobe is immense, thanks to receiving hand-me-downs my whole life and because I can’t stop buying new blouses. I have a credit for books that I haven’t exhausted. I have time to read, write, create, make music, and be with friends.
I don’t need anything except maybe a new violin shoulder rest to help with my back pain as I play. When I told Richard I would love some new plastic cups for the kitchen, he just stared at me, trying to gauge if this was a trap. No way was he falling for that line, “I only want some plastic cups!” But that’s the kind of thing someone who has everything might actually want.
I love giving gifts, but not receiving them. I do love cards and letters. I guess if I had a birthday wish, it would be that people would write a little something to me. I think this is actually a pretty difficult thing for most people to do, so no guilt vibes from me. I also have a great love for sweets and anything that smells of coconut or vanilla.
And now I feel ridiculous for writing this self-centered post. I feel this great longing to do something that doesn’t involve thinking about myself.