Category: Life according to Angela

missing them

On Saturday, I found this photo in a little album. Timothy was three, and the dog was a new puppy, not yet house trained. We had just moved into our new house in Sahuarita, Arizona. Mark would be born in a few days. Paige was dancing ballet almost every night, and Daniel would soon begin piano lessons. I miss those little faces.

I keep “hearing” the dog’s step, and expecting him to follow me around the kitchen, or to greet me at the door. Today, I saw Richard out of the corner of my eye and my mind registered that he was holding our dog. It will take some time to get used to living without the pup.

I am lucky to be able to see our children pretty often, but having a missionary is definitely a heart-stretching time. We were six plus a dog when we moved to Utah, and now we are three in this house.

Dresden Plate Quilt

My friend Kaye taught many women in our neighborhood how to make quilts. One month she guided us through the process of making a Dresden Plate quilt, but I have never made one on my own. Kaye lives in a new city now, where she has started a new quilt group, but her influence keeps inspiring me to do new things. This winter I decided to make a Dresden Plate quilt to use up some pieces and ends.

All of the fabrics you see are from my “scrap box,” so many of the pieces bring back memories. My goal is to only use my scraps to complete the top of this quilt. I have spent so much time cutting, and today I am finally able to sew!

I once looked down on homemaking skills and sewing, but now these things bring me so much joy.

Making Progress

These are screenshots that illustrate some of my personal goals. The above screenshot is from the Gospel Library app. I am working to electronically mark my favorite quotes from church leaders at the last general conference, tagging quotes so can search them by topic. I began by reading a talk each day, starting sometime in January and ending last week. I marked favorite passages as I read. Now, each day I go back through the marked passages and add some topic tags. It is a drop by drop kind of project.

The next image is a screenshot from the Family Tree app, showing that my short, set appointments each Thursday to work on family history are yielding results. In two months, I have been able to contribute more than any year recorded here.

It is not my intention to brag, but to illustrate how tiny daily and weekly efforts are making a difference in my life!

March 3

My personality can’t be “on” all the time. There must be off days, and when weeks are so full they hurt, I look forward to weeks like this one, which are not noteworthy and feel in-between, like an adolescence. Our neighbors moved on Monday and it has affected me more than I expected…sadness, anger, self-pity, reminiscing… Like I said, this week has felt like adolescence.

I have taken these off days to read my books and think my thoughts, reading the news with narrowed eyes, because ouch, Ukraine. I donated a car load of old clothing and unused household goods that have been collecting in the garage all winter. I moved some blossoms and greenery into the kitchen, a ritual I look forward to each year.

Ritual and routine, on and off, beginnings, middles, and endings. This is what I have been thinking about during these early days of March.

messenger

I had an assignment to speak in another congregation on Sunday, and while I didn’t feel especially nervous, I noticed my hands were shaking when I tried to take the bread and water for the sacrament. As I took and returned the small cup, the tray rattled with my efforts so much that it made some noise. I said, “I’m sorry,” to the young man holding the tray for me, to which he whispered, “It’s okay,” and the words immediately had more meaning than an 11- or 12-year-old could know. Isn’t that the whole meaning of the sacrament right there? We come, flawed and sorry, and sometimes broken, ill-composed, and making a mess, and it’s a time when the Lord can just say to us, “It’s okay.”

With those simple words, I knew that the rattling was okay, but also that I was okay with the Lord at that moment. He used a kind young boy to teach me that, and it felt so very sweet to hear it from a child.

In an acceptable time

I am grateful I got to see our Tim speak in sacrament meeting in Canada today via Zoom.

I finished reading Saints volume 2, and it had a LOT about opening the missions of the South Pacific in the mid-1800s. One takeaway is that the Lord had specific people in mind to introduce the gospel to the Pacific, and He even used them multiple times throughout their lives. I know the Lord loves all of his children and He has a plan for gathering them.

Timothy’s grandfathers served missions on isles of the sea, in Samoa and Puerto Rico.

I keep a list of scriptures about the promises to the isles of the sea, as I continue to pray that missionaries can return to areas that are currently closed.

“In an acceptable time I have heard thee O isles of the sea…and helped thee, and I will preserve thee, and give thee my servant for a covenant of the people.” (1 Nephi 21:8, Isaiah 49:8)

“Great are the promises of the Lord unto them who are upon the isles of the sea.” (2 Nephi 10:21)

“I remember those who are upon the isles of the sea, and will bring forth my word unto the children of men, yea, even upon all the nations of the earth.” (2 Nephi 29:7)

Of course, Jacob considered the Americas an isle of the sea, so Canada counts, too. (2 Nephi 10:20)

Goodness

I admit that I have felt so weary of winter lately, but this crocus was a hopeful sign this afternoon when we stepped out for a walk.

Our new neighbors were awake this morning when I opened my kitchen blinds at 6:45 am. They made no effort to hide their morning routine framed by their vast uncovered windows. I find it comforting to see serenity and life in that house, at last.

I had an anonymous friend send me gifts throughout 2021. She mailed me themed monthly gifts, anniversary and birthday gifts, and basically overwhelmed me with generosity. She made a difficult year easier. As I read her final card to me, revealing who she was and why she did this kind thing, she told me about another gift she had given. Every day of 2021, she had prayed for me by name, which really means a lot to me. Last night she gave me a last array of gifts, not via mail, but in person: my favorite candies and a gift card to my favorite restaurant. I gave her the handmade doll I had wrapped and waiting in the closet for the day when we would meet. Goodness, so much goodness.

Thank you, Candy Bomber

I was sad to hear of the passing of Gail Halvorsen, the Candy Bomber. We attended the same ward in Arizona for a few years. Our children heard him speak about his experiences during the Berlin Airlift many times, and it was nice to see a hero among us. He was always so outgoing and happy. I was looking through some writing from my Arizona years today and found this little detail: one evening I was washing dishes at the church and Brother Halvorsen walked into the kitchen and started drying the silverware. You guys, the Candy Bomber, celebrity and hero, chose to help me with the dishes!

I will remember how Brother Halvorsen showed everyone that small acts of kindness really matter.

anytime you do anything that helps anyone…

One of the sweetest experiences happened recently when I was feeling sorry that I wasn’t better at family history work. I have a goal to work on family history research each Thursday for a certain amount of time, but perfectionism paralysis keeps happening when I search for family names. So, lately I have been indexing records on Family Search to fill my goal quota of time. It feels mostly like a defeat when I turn to indexing instead of working on my own family line. Fear of entering my family names wrong has really been chasing me.

So, I prayed about it, and said I was sorry I wasn’t more brave. I expected some direction from the Lord about how to fix my paralysis, but instead, I felt unreserved love. Also, I felt assured that I am doing family history work that I hadn’t thought to claim. I may need a guide to help me with my Finnish family line, but there is plenty I can do without assistance, and lots of things that I AM doing to help.

“Anytime you do anything that helps anyone—on either side of the veil—take a step toward making covenants with God and receiving their essential baptismal and temple ordinances, you are helping to gather Israel. It is as simple as that.”

Russell M. Nelson, “Hope of Israel,” worldwide devotional for youth, June 3, 2018.