Jesus Christ – Page 21 – Letters from Home

Tears and status as a child of Heavenly Parents

I saw a funny post on social media about how to take your child to college. It was a picture of a mother wearing sunglasses with a piece of tissue wedged beneath each lens. Yes.

When I think of the many tears I cried as I anticipated Paige leaving home, I realize now that this was a little indulgent. Going to college was such a positive thing for her, and memories are not lost when a child leaves. In fact, memories improve with time. Yet those tears were part of my own steps to grow in understanding.

During the turbulent weeks of uncertainty leading to Daniel’s evacuation from his mission during Covid lockdowns and international borders closing, I felt so much fear, but now I know there was no danger. Yet that anguish and loneliness were understood and met as I prayed and meditated during those awful weeks. These were the weeks when I really learned about the ministering of angels.

The tears for Tim’s growing up have arrived. Perhaps these tears will seem unnecessary when I look back on them, and surely this ache I feel should be tempered with experience and perspective, but I can’t always be reasonable. I don’t feel less with time, I might actually feel more. Certainly, each experience of preparing children to leave home is unique and each child is loved so individually. How can I possibly think that I have any of this “down” and handle it any other way?

While my tears and feelings of loss may be like a child’s fear, unfounded and illogical, these are times when I learn the most about my children and my own status as a child of God.

I am loved enough that God sends help when I think there is danger, even when He knows there is no danger. He sends comfort when I fear things that He knows are unreasonable. Our Heavenly Parents understand our feelings because they have loved and said goodbye to each of us and know all about this part of the experience. Through tough goodbyes, I am given a gift of discernment to know how special each child is, not just to me, but to a larger circle than I can see.

Something I taught in April

Today I had an impression that I should post this talk I gave a few months ago at a leadership meeting for men and women in our stake. My topic was to explore how we move forward after recent challenges, and the need for gentle and powerful leaders.

Recently, I heard a wise observation from a ward Primary president who said, “Everyone has experienced profound changes in their lives this year.”
Tonight, I want to speak about the need to be gentle and powerful leaders. First, I want to talk about events from 100 years ago that have application for our time.
At the close of WWI, the strain of the war years and the hastening flu epidemic brought to a head the grief of nations. Soldiers killed in conflict were buried near the battlefield, meaning people didn’t have graves to visit near their homes, nor had they been able to grieve in usual funeral traditions. Leaders in England decided to construct a monument to honor the dead. It is called the Cenotaph, and it comes from two Greek words meaning “empty tomb”. It was effective and meaningful to a grieving nation because its tall, narrowing structure was designed to draw eyes upward. At the top is an empty tomb. With this monument, world leaders gave a space for grief and helped people find their own meaning in the symbol of the empty tomb. There are opportunities within our reach to help draw eyes upward. Always, it is in Christ and the symbol of his empty tomb where people can find personal, meaningful hope.

For Martha, grieving the loss of Lazarus her brother, Jesus did several important things: first, he came to her personally. Second, he wept and showed empathy. Third, he redirected her already strong faith in the resurrection squarely upon himself. Martha said, “I know that he shall rise again in the resurrection at the last day. And Jesus said unto her, “I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live.” (John 11: 24-25) We are called to invite people to the source of help in Jesus Christ, his very person, his perfection, his atonement, his comfort, his strength, his peace. As we help prepare children for baptism, youth for priesthood and temple covenants, may our youth never be surprised that all this effort is about coming unto Christ. The gospel is more than concepts, it is a process of developing a personal and covenant relationship with our Heavenly Father. It is a lifetime of learning the language of the Spirit. It is moving the Savior from an idea in the mind to the heart.

Continuing the story of the raising of Lazarus, Jesus calls him forth from the dead, and Lazarus obeys. Then comes an interesting detail. Jesus asks Lazarus’ friends to loosen him from the bindings of the grave. Christ’s power calls and saves, and he allows us to help him remove burdens, loneliness, and insecurities that would hamper our friends’ progress. Patient, gentle ministering will look different for each person, and I believe in the power of friendships with disciples of Christ.
Nephi offers some perspective about his life in the first verse of the book of Mormon. He mentions two things that brought him to know the goodness of God: His goodly parents and his afflictions.
As I speak of goodly parents and I will add goodly families and goodly homes.
There are lessons and skills we have learned during the pandemic to streamline our meetings and processes. We have learned new ways to minister. Let’s not abandon things we found effective. Families and homes cannot be strengthened without regular, sustained time together. Goodly homes are a key to spiritual resilience for children, youth, and adults.
Consider what we can do to support goodly parenting and homes. The handbook has outlined one purpose for teacher councils can be to gather parents to show support and provide ideas for Come Follow Me in the home. We can identify the loneliest among us and find ways to help them feel they are part of a goodly family of Latter-day Saints.
Nephi’s afflictions were also a source of his knowledge of the goodness of God: where Laman and Lemuel staggered, Nephi rose; and later, in the war years, some hearts were softened and others were hardened.
Afflictions, just like the mists of darkness in Lehi’s dream, come to everyone. The difference between those who falter and those who endure is their understanding and use of the Savior’s Atonement. President Russell M Nelson said, “As our Resurrected and Atoning Savior, He stands ready to help us grow from the dramatic, unprecedented events in our lives.”
The sons of Mosiah and Alma the Younger served in unprecedented times. They began among the people closest to them, but branched out beyond the usual boundaries, as we must also do. What made them effective?
Mosiah 27:33 says, “But notwithstanding all this [COVID-19 restrictions, persecutions, contention, ill health, grief, loneliness] they did impart much consolation to the church, confirming their faith, and exhorting them with long-suffering and much travail to keep the commandments of God. So, they consoled, confirmed faith, and exhorted to obedience.
As for Consolation: perhaps it would be wise to remember that every one of us has experienced some kind of loss this year, and to act with Christlike gentleness toward everyone. Most have experienced sorrows our eyes have not seen. Elder Holland taught of the need to console our fellow men, “We are…facing a kind of Third World War that is not a fight to crush our enemies but a conscription marshaling the children of God to care more about each other and to help heal the wounds we find in a conflicted world. The Great Depression we now face has less to do with the external loss of our savings and more to do with the internal loss of our self-confidence.”
Confirm faith: It is not enough to offer sympathy, but we must find ways to frame difficult experiences with an eye of faith. One of the most effective phrases I have taken from a sacrament meeting this year was from a ward mission leader who said, “If you have been through trials in the last year and you are still participating today, you have spiritual strength, perhaps more spiritual strength than you know you have.” And my bishop, who in effect taught, “we are not the same as we were last year. Remember, every one of the stripling warriors was injured in battle. This is part of what we experience in life. Don’t count the wounds and scars as a lack of faithfulness. The Lord still loves you.”
We can exhort with longsuffering and much travail to keep the commandments: We exhort with our words, but let’s not forget the overriding power of our examples, especially within our families and online.
In my scripture study, I write down the thoughts that come to me. This is the script I have learned to use in my calling, with my family, and when I am asked to speak. Using personal lessons from the scriptures is an effective way to exhort.
As some of our brothers and sisters hover on the edge, wondering whether they want to come back after a year of being away from church activity, this is a time to be direct in our invitations, “We need you. We have a specific job for you. Your voice matters. And the ordinances and covenants of the sacrament, baptism, confirmation, priesthood, and the temple will help you in every aspect of your life.” It will be easier to return if people feel understood, noticed, and nourished by truth.
I want to share some consoling, confirming words from my study of the Lord’s promises to the House of Israel. I think they apply to each of our callings.

“The Messiah should be made manifest unto them in the latter days, in the spirit of power, unto the bringing of them out of darkness unto light—yea, out of hidden darkness and out of captivity unto freedom.” (2 Nephi 3:5)
“They that erred in spirit shall come to understanding and they that murmured shall learn doctrine” (2 Nephi 27:34-35)

“I the Lord have not forgotten my people.” (2 Nephi 29:5)

“He shall set his hand…to recover his people…that the servants of the Lord shall go forth in his power to nourish and prune his vineyard” (Jacob 6:2)

“The Lord will be the hope of his people and the strength of the children of Israel. (Joel 3:6)

It feels impossible for me to comprehend all we have experienced during the past year, but Jesus Christ has, in Gethsemane when he took those burdens upon himself. My own experiences this year feel sacred and close to the heart. The most important thing I do as a leader at home and at church is maintain my relationship with my Heavenly Father. This relationship has allowed me to find new ways to serve during this past year, despite all. Just like my own testimony during trial, I believe many testimonies have grown this year. Grief and trial have softened hearts, and brought us to our knees, and brought the Savior closer than perhaps we realize. May we take the perspectives and strength this year have given and multiply them with our service to lift others. There is strength ready to come forth from the things people have endured and I believe we will continue to see more miracles from an increase of faith in Jesus Christ.

Goals

It’s Monday and I have been searching for my goals for the week. Sometimes the goals are obvious and simple and are a natural fit for scheduled events. Sometimes, like this week, I have shallow goals about rearranging furniture that I will keep on the list, but they don’t deserve to be a main focus for the week.

I have three goals that I keep thinking about, but continue to push away. In fact, I haven’t written them down yet because I don’t like them. One is that I know I need to invite this person to walk with me one day this week. Next, I know I need to contact an isolated friend who I have not shown up for in a long time. The last is that I ache to play my violin.

Cue the voices of doubt,

But she will probably not want to walk with me because I am old and I don’t think she likes me.

It’s too late, what can I possibly do to make up for lost opportunities?

I just want comfort this week of high school graduation, not growth.

I will never be able to sustain the practice I need to improve on the violin.

If I say I want to have an open correspondence with God, I need to listen when He speaks to me so I am fluent in His language. Above all, I want to be trusted with His work. Here are some ways that I have come to recognize God’s voice:

The instruction is simple. It’s not usually a full step-by-step plan, but a thought or idea with a simple statement such as, “Invite her to go on a walk this week.”
The idea persists. I can’t neglect it without knowing I am failing to live my best life.
The idea is sometimes accompanied by emotion.
The idea is something that will make me happy.

I guess this week is to be about courage and people and growth, not just comfort. I am changing my list. Thanks for helping me sort this out.

♥️,

Recognition

Effort in life is not always recognized. Sometimes it’s because the work is behind the scenes, or people are too busy to take the time to say something. Sometimes it’s because people see the work as effortless or habitual and they take it for granted. A very few see effort and turn to jealousy. Most people, though, are simply not aware.

Dr. Barbara Morgan Gardner, a religious educator said,

Worthwhile effort is often only perceptible to those who have put forth similar effort. This is true for any topic, whether it be calculus, home economics, or whatever the work is. People who put forth significant effort recognize somebody else who has put forth that effort.
Barbara Morgan Gardner, from an address given at the 2020 BYU LDS Educators Society Conference, featured in the McKay Today School of Education magazine, Spring 2021.

When we are young and developing talents, there are many ways to find recognition for our work. Mentors are everywhere. Eventually, there comes a time when that begins to turn. We become the mentors. This, too, takes effort, but there is little recognition here.

This quote led me to think about the Savior’s efforts. I exist in his efforts, as if in water, yet I don’t know the depth of that water. I hope I am growing in my recognition of what he has done for me.

I recommend this book.

This book has thoughtful, Christ-centered writing and beautiful watercolor illustrations. It doesn’t have the usual jargon that Christian books use, and the author is sincere in telling her personal journey. Bible verses are hand-written and come from a variety of translations, which I found helpful. Peace settled within me as I read this book. It’s beautiful enough to keep on your coffee table and full of wisdom. I loved it.

Ward conferences 2021

The stake presidency and I made a video for children to watch during ward conferences this year. I wrote here a few months ago when we recorded it that I forgot to put on my shoes. 🤦 Leadership via Zoom and YouTube requires a lot of ego strength because it’s rare to get any feedback. On this last day of ward conference season, I am grateful to have witnessed the efforts from church leaders to help every person feel loved.

One Sunday a few months ago, I knocked on a door of a Primary leader on the day of her ward conference. Inside the house, children scurried to the door and I could hear their voices. “Mom! It’s the Primary president!” I was in a mask. This was not a family I knew. But the little girl had watched the video and could recognize me. One promise given to me when I was set apart in this calling was that children would feel the Savior’s love through my ministering. As ward conferences come to an end, and I have not been able to minister face to face with the children this year, I hope there are many who recognized the Savior’s love in our little video for them. I will probably never know, but that’s the way it is with most service. You stretch, try, and trust, then repeat. And sometimes you rush to the goal and forget to put on your shoes.

another screenshot of the video we made for the children

Happy 12th Birthday to the Blog

Here we are on Easter. There is Richard who spent the day preparing food in his smoker, wearing one of his many blood donation shirts. I rushed into the day without thinking about doing my hair (typical), but tried to set the table beautifully and have a clean kitchen. Mark wears his favorite color and will go on to eat more than anyone sitting at this table. Tim teases us with the BYU shirt and remains mysterious about his plans for the future. I’ll add that he is so strong from his landscaping work. I notice that Daniel is wearing a new version of the teal and white shirt he loved and wore all through high school and his mission. He’s almost finished with his first year at BYU, and his friend, the lovely McKenna joins us at the table. Paige is effortlessly elegant and happy, and has spent the last year since graduating from BYU settling into working as a freelance illustrator. And there is handsome, hardworking, and smart Michael, who changed jobs this year and is enjoying more sleep (even in April… he’s an accountant).

The blog is less about our children than it used to be, but they remain the ones who occupy our thoughts and conversations. They are still the focus of our energy and time, and when they linger at Sunday dinner as they did this week, I can draw from that happiness for a long time.

Some of you have read this blog from the beginning. There are 1,919 posts in the archives. I owe you a diploma or something, not that I have anything figured out except perhaps how to muster a tiny bit of faith. To each reader, whether you have read for years or months, I send my love to you.

Adventure stories

Easter weekend is here. The Sanchez family has been busy getting ready for the memorial for my grandmother. Mixed in with music practice, writing her life sketch, and other things, I have been editing pages of my dad’s memoir of his growing up years playing in the hills. Paige finished the illustrations for the last pages. Our goal was to finish by Easter, and we have done it. His book is a cross between The Hobbit, John Wayne Westerns, and Hardy Boys mystery books.

At times, it has been an escape to work on these stories. We included a map in the book. I think this is one of my favorite illustrations she did. The blog can’t do it justice.

We are celebrating being alive, celebrating those who have passed away, and celebrating the Savior’s Resurrection this weekend in the sunshine.

I have been in a fog and suspended by grief most of February and March. On Saturday we were moving through the carwash and for a short time, everything came to a halt. It was like the car was doing a reenactment of our experiences of the month. We were stopped, uncertain of the future, anxious, blind to what was ahead, and unable to do a thing about it. I know I was alive during these past weeks, but I don’t remember much. Also, when I say I felt grief, along with some sadness, I physically ached. I have had a few better days recently, and my explanation is grace. Some people might give credit to “time.” I still say it is grace. Time seems meaningless right now, but God’s help is tangible.

On the docket

Spring and winter have been at war all week. Sun and snow, wind and mild. Even our daffodils have hung their heads a bit in the fray. I went for a walk one afternoon that made my eyes water and my ears ache for the bitterness of the elements. But we must keep moving, keep our heads up (not just talking about the daffodils), and hope for the Easter weekend of our dreams. Next week, my siblings and parents will be gathering for the first time since Paige’s wedding in December 2019. We (and the world) could use some togetherness. So, let’s all hope for sunshine so we can stay outside for long talks as we watch our families hunt for Easter eggs.

On the docket for this weekend:

Get back to weekly scripture appointments with a friend.

Begin our family Easter study.

Make more edits for my dad’s book.

Read more from these books: My Antonia, Theodore Rex, and Dusk, Night, Dawn.

Make more guacamole.

Identify the function of each room of the house so I can tweak the design to reflect this season of our lives. I think I want to move the bookshelves to a completely different area of the house. This plan may also include getting rid of the elementary school science supplies, I don’t know.

Perform a scented candle intervention for this house.

Thanks, steady friends. I saw significant traffic on the post I wrote about fear, another evidence that sharing experiences is one of the important things we need to do. We are getting through these times together, despite distance.