We Have Searched 50 Years for Her

Ida Maria Samuelsdotter

The Finnish side of our family has been a mystery for so long that I just settled into the idea that Ida Maria was not going to have a maiden name. Today, with a few acts of faith and courage to ask someone to help me access a different website, I found my great-great grandmother’s maiden name, and traced her family back to 1760. She was one of ten siblings. I had access to all their names, the names of mothers, fathers, brothers, and sisters in minutes. The Stake Family History consultant who helped me cried with me at the sight. This was a big breakthrough!

Ida Maria has been on my mind for 11 years, but more frequently in the past few months. I think she wanted to be found because I am no expert. I just showed up at a family history center and asked the questions that came to my mind. Many of us have put in effort to find her, but I got to be the one today, and that feels like one of the biggest honors of my life. I cannot sleep for the joy of it.

Forgiving

Someone did a thoughtless thing, not an abusive or violent thing, just thoughtless. I needed to forgive. I tried praying for the person. This seemed a noble thing, and I righteously persevered. I was praying this person would have a nice day when all I could think of was the pain I felt. How good of me.

This went on for a long time. Months and months. I got a different bandage solution now and then that would make me forget or at least laugh off the person’s ignorant behavior. Sometimes it helped to separate the good qualities from the behavior that wounded me. Sometimes it helped to know I was loved by God. Still, I found myself stewing over my feelings of indignity and injustice and this person’s ignorance and ineptitude. Praying this person would have a good day was not enough. In fact, it was a symptom of what was really the cause of my pain. I was hurting because I was full of pride and wanted to feel superior to this person.

Wound my pride and I will remember it forever was my plan, a mystery even to myself until one moment when I finally asked God how to forgive. It became clear to me that the Sermon on the Mount has many solutions, and I had chosen the wrong one. This person was not my enemy and therefore did not need my sanctimonious, I’ll-take-the-high-ground prayers. My problem was a beam, right in the eye. It turns out I am the one who needed to ask forgiveness for some vain repetition in prayer and a lot of pride.

I am learning that asking the right questions in prayer is the way out of trouble.

Two performers

Mark and Tim had a band concert featuring middle school and high school bands. At the end, when all bands combined to play a song, we noticed our boys were able to sit close together. Mark plays the trumpet and Timothy plays the trombone. It was a great concert.

A Baptism Here and There

A few weeks ago we studied as a family about being born of water and the spirit. While offering our family prayer after sharing what we learned, I felt I should thank our Heavenly Father for baptism. In an instant, I felt what this ordinance, along with confirmation, have meant to our family. Immense, personal, empowering, enhancing, clarifying, cleansing, gathering, unifying, and sanctifying, these gifts are something to cherish. Our Father is generous, and because of the sacrifice of his Son, we can be baptized. The Holy Ghost fills us and leaves its elevating effects without fanfare. The influence and power of the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost seem to come together at important days like baptism, not just at the Jordan River, but for little David, Maria, and each of us. At baptism, we are gathered, and we find where we belong.

To the person who

…drives the band in the school bus to and from state basketball tournament games safely…

…sees me and talks to me while checking my groceries…

…gives my sons rides home from church activities…

…stays up a little later to make a lesson plan a little more engaging…

…donates money so our daughter can have scholarships and art grants…

…feeds our missionary son and asks for the recipe of his favorite dessert, even though it is in a different language and has different standard measurements…

…takes time to visit the school to speak encouragement and tell fun stories to my middle schooler…

…reads my self centered words…

…takes time to write to me…

…remembers important days and acknowledges them…

…shares talents…

…RSVP’s to a party invitation even when I don’t ask for it…

…shares a real life experience with me, not a contrived version she thinks would be more palatable…

…inspires me to seek deeper meanings in my study of scripture…

…inspires me to be myself…

…notices when we are missing…

…sees that we are trying…

…asks good questions and listens to the answers…

…doesn’t try to define us as just one thing…

…delivers mail in the snow…

…takes away our trash every week…

…selected our piano for their showroom so we could find it in Tucson…

…planted the trees in the yard…

…selected our white kitchen cabinets…

…wrote the book I finished today…

…shared the Book of Mormon with my family/ancestors…

I feel gratitude for you and many, many more.

German Lentil Soup

Every year on Richard’s birthday week, I make this soup because he loves it.

1 ½ c lentils

5 c cold water

4 slices bacon

1/4 c chopped onion

1 green pepper, chopped

1 carrot, chopped

1, 15-oz can diced tomatoes

3 T butter

3 T flour

2 beef bouillon cubes (dissolved in 1 c water)

2 tsp salt

2 T white vinegar

Cook time: almost 2 hours

Rinse lentils and remove debris that may be in the package. In a large kettle, bring lentils and water to a boil. Reduce heat, cover and simmer for 1 hour. Meanwhile, cut bacon in small pieces and sauté in large skillet until crisp. Remove crisp bacon and set aside. To the bacon grease in the skillet, add onion, carrot, pepper, and tomato and sauté over low heat for 5 minutes. Add the vegetables to the lentils in the large kettle. In same skillet, melt butter. Stir in flour until smooth and gradually stir in bouillon and water. Add salt and vinegar and bring to a boil, stirring constantly for about a minute. Add to lentils and simmer, stirring occasionally for about 30 minutes. Add the crisp bacon in the last few minutes of cooking. Serves 6 to 8.

Missionary Monday

“These last few weeks have really just driven home my gratitude for the all-encompassing perfection of God’s plan.” -Elder Ross

I came across this song by divine accident after visiting with Daniel today. The tender voice of Collin Raye and the lyrics spoke to my thoughts and mood as nothing else could.

Here I Am, Lord

I, the Lord of sea and sky,
I have heard my people cry,
All who dwell in dark and sin,
My hand will save. I who made the stars of night,
I will make their darkness bright,
Who will bear my light to them?
Whom shall I send?

Here I am Lord, Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.

I, the Lord of snow and rain,
I have borne my people´s pain,
I have wept for love of them, they turn away. I will break their hearts of stone,
Give them hearts for love alone,
I will speak My word to them,
Whom shall I send?

Here I am Lord, Is it I, Lord?
I have heard You calling in the night.
I will go Lord, if You lead me.
I will hold Your people in my heart.

I, the Lord of wind and flame
I will tend the poor and lame.
I will set a feast for them,
My hand will save. Finest bread I will provide,
Till their hearts be satisfied.
I will give My life to them,
Whom shall I send?

Here I am Lord, Is it I, Lord?
I have heard You calling in the night.
I will go Lord, if You lead me.
I will hold Your people in my heart.

I will hold Your people in my heart.