We sorted my grandmother’s photos and a few objects from her home today. For me, the big treasure was a photo of Alli, my great-grandmother, vibrant and beautiful. There were many things to see: passports, Army memorabilia from two world wars, photos, and keepsakes… It was exhausting to comprehend it all, and it was a very sweet experience.
Are you ready for a new week? I’m not. Last week I did a lot of things, but this week should be more quiet. As I hurried about last week, I listened to some music to keep things going. I don’t usually listen to music when I am at home, but I heard this twice within a couple of days and it reached my heart.
I also rarely listen to podcasts, and that is something that makes me feel increasingly different than the crowd. I am not an auditory learner. A podcast doesn’t stay in my head, so it’s mostly a waste of time. I read a lot, not just the books I keep a record of here, but news, psychology, science, and economics articles. I don’t listen to music much at home because I just like the quiet, punctuated by piano practice. In the car, it’s often classical music for me, not because I am a snob, but because it reminds me of my teen years playing chamber music. It’s quite often that I hear a piece I have played and it makes me happy.
I hope you find music and quiet and wonderful noise to fill your week, and that you have a good book to read.
Zoom! On every level, this is the word that describes our time with Tim, not just the virtual classes during the pandemic. He’s one of our Austin babies, and from the start, he has surprised us with how ready he is to move forward in life.
I saw a funny post on social media about how to take your child to college. It was a picture of a mother wearing sunglasses with a piece of tissue wedged beneath each lens. Yes.
When I think of the many tears I cried as I anticipated Paige leaving home, I realize now that this was a little indulgent. Going to college was such a positive thing for her, and memories are not lost when a child leaves. In fact, memories improve with time. Yet those tears were part of my own steps to grow in understanding.
During the turbulent weeks of uncertainty leading to Daniel’s evacuation from his mission during Covid lockdowns and international borders closing, I felt so much fear, but now I know there was no danger. Yet that anguish and loneliness were understood and met as I prayed and meditated during those awful weeks. These were the weeks when I really learned about the ministering of angels.
The tears for Tim’s growing up have arrived. Perhaps these tears will seem unnecessary when I look back on them, and surely this ache I feel should be tempered with experience and perspective, but I can’t always be reasonable. I don’t feel less with time, I might actually feel more. Certainly, each experience of preparing children to leave home is unique and each child is loved so individually. How can I possibly think that I have any of this “down” and handle it any other way?
While my tears and feelings of loss may be like a child’s fear, unfounded and illogical, these are times when I learn the most about my children and my own status as a child of God.
I am loved enough that God sends help when I think there is danger, even when He knows there is no danger. He sends comfort when I fear things that He knows are unreasonable. Our Heavenly Parents understand our feelings because they have loved and said goodbye to each of us and know all about this part of the experience. Through tough goodbyes, I am given a gift of discernment to know how special each child is, not just to me, but to a larger circle than I can see.
Today I had an impression that I should post this talk I gave a few months ago at a leadership meeting for men and women in our stake. My topic was to explore how we move forward after recent challenges, and the need for gentle and powerful leaders.
Recently, I heard a wise observation from a ward Primary president who said, “Everyone has experienced profound changes in their lives this year.”
Tonight, I want to speak about the need to be gentle and powerful leaders. First, I want to talk about events from 100 years ago that have application for our time.
At the close of WWI, the strain of the war years and the hastening flu epidemic brought to a head the grief of nations. Soldiers killed in conflict were buried near the battlefield, meaning people didn’t have graves to visit near their homes, nor had they been able to grieve in usual funeral traditions. Leaders in England decided to construct a monument to honor the dead. It is called the Cenotaph, and it comes from two Greek words meaning “empty tomb”. It was effective and meaningful to a grieving nation because its tall, narrowing structure was designed to draw eyes upward. At the top is an empty tomb. With this monument, world leaders gave a space for grief and helped people find their own meaning in the symbol of the empty tomb. There are opportunities within our reach to help draw eyes upward. Always, it is in Christ and the symbol of his empty tomb where people can find personal, meaningful hope.
For Martha, grieving the loss of Lazarus her brother, Jesus did several important things: first, he came to her personally. Second, he wept and showed empathy. Third, he redirected her already strong faith in the resurrection squarely upon himself. Martha said, “I know that he shall rise again in the resurrection at the last day. And Jesus said unto her, “I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live.” (John 11: 24-25) We are called to invite people to the source of help in Jesus Christ, his very person, his perfection, his atonement, his comfort, his strength, his peace. As we help prepare children for baptism, youth for priesthood and temple covenants, may our youth never be surprised that all this effort is about coming unto Christ. The gospel is more than concepts, it is a process of developing a personal and covenant relationship with our Heavenly Father. It is a lifetime of learning the language of the Spirit. It is moving the Savior from an idea in the mind to the heart.
Continuing the story of the raising of Lazarus, Jesus calls him forth from the dead, and Lazarus obeys. Then comes an interesting detail. Jesus asks Lazarus’ friends to loosen him from the bindings of the grave. Christ’s power calls and saves, and he allows us to help him remove burdens, loneliness, and insecurities that would hamper our friends’ progress. Patient, gentle ministering will look different for each person, and I believe in the power of friendships with disciples of Christ.Nephi offers some perspective about his life in the first verse of the book of Mormon. He mentions two things that brought him to know the goodness of God: His goodly parents and his afflictions.
As I speak of goodly parents and I will add goodly families and goodly homes.There are lessons and skills we have learned during the pandemic to streamline our meetings and processes. We have learned new ways to minister. Let’s not abandon things we found effective. Families and homes cannot be strengthened without regular, sustained time together. Goodly homes are a key to spiritual resilience for children, youth, and adults.
Consider what we can do to support goodly parenting and homes. The handbook has outlined one purpose for teacher councils can be to gather parents to show support and provide ideas for Come Follow Me in the home. We can identify the loneliest among us and find ways to help them feel they are part of a goodly family of Latter-day Saints.Nephi’s afflictions were also a source of his knowledge of the goodness of God: where Laman and Lemuel staggered, Nephi rose; and later, in the war years, some hearts were softened and others were hardened.
Afflictions, just like the mists of darkness in Lehi’s dream, come to everyone. The difference between those who falter and those who endure is their understanding and use of the Savior’s Atonement. President Russell M Nelson said, “As our Resurrected and Atoning Savior, He stands ready to help us grow from the dramatic, unprecedented events in our lives.”
The sons of Mosiah and Alma the Younger served in unprecedented times. They began among the people closest to them, but branched out beyond the usual boundaries, as we must also do. What made them effective?
Mosiah 27:33 says, “But notwithstanding all this [COVID-19 restrictions, persecutions, contention, ill health, grief, loneliness] they did impart much consolation to the church, confirming their faith, and exhorting them with long-suffering and much travail to keep the commandments of God. So, they consoled, confirmed faith, and exhorted to obedience.
As for Consolation: perhaps it would be wise to remember that every one of us has experienced some kind of loss this year, and to act with Christlike gentleness toward everyone. Most have experienced sorrows our eyes have not seen. Elder Holland taught of the need to console our fellow men, “We are…facing a kind of Third World War that is not a fight to crush our enemies but a conscription marshaling the children of God to care more about each other and to help heal the wounds we find in a conflicted world. The Great Depression we now face has less to do with the external loss of our savings and more to do with the internal loss of our self-confidence.”
Confirm faith: It is not enough to offer sympathy, but we must find ways to frame difficult experiences with an eye of faith. One of the most effective phrases I have taken from a sacrament meeting this year was from a ward mission leader who said, “If you have been through trials in the last year and you are still participating today, you have spiritual strength, perhaps more spiritual strength than you know you have.” And my bishop, who in effect taught, “we are not the same as we were last year. Remember, every one of the stripling warriors was injured in battle. This is part of what we experience in life. Don’t count the wounds and scars as a lack of faithfulness. The Lord still loves you.”
We can exhort with longsuffering and much travail to keep the commandments: We exhort with our words, but let’s not forget the overriding power of our examples, especially within our families and online.
In my scripture study, I write down the thoughts that come to me. This is the script I have learned to use in my calling, with my family, and when I am asked to speak. Using personal lessons from the scriptures is an effective way to exhort.
As some of our brothers and sisters hover on the edge, wondering whether they want to come back after a year of being away from church activity, this is a time to be direct in our invitations, “We need you. We have a specific job for you. Your voice matters. And the ordinances and covenants of the sacrament, baptism, confirmation, priesthood, and the temple will help you in every aspect of your life.” It will be easier to return if people feel understood, noticed, and nourished by truth.
I want to share some consoling, confirming words from my study of the Lord’s promises to the House of Israel. I think they apply to each of our callings.
“The Messiah should be made manifest unto them in the latter days, in the spirit of power, unto the bringing of them out of darkness unto light—yea, out of hidden darkness and out of captivity unto freedom.” (2 Nephi 3:5)“They that erred in spirit shall come to understanding and they that murmured shall learn doctrine” (2 Nephi 27:34-35)
“I the Lord have not forgotten my people.” (2 Nephi 29:5)
“He shall set his hand…to recover his people…that the servants of the Lord shall go forth in his power to nourish and prune his vineyard” (Jacob 6:2)
“The Lord will be the hope of his people and the strength of the children of Israel. (Joel 3:6)
It feels impossible for me to comprehend all we have experienced during the past year, but Jesus Christ has, in Gethsemane when he took those burdens upon himself. My own experiences this year feel sacred and close to the heart. The most important thing I do as a leader at home and at church is maintain my relationship with my Heavenly Father. This relationship has allowed me to find new ways to serve during this past year, despite all. Just like my own testimony during trial, I believe many testimonies have grown this year. Grief and trial have softened hearts, and brought us to our knees, and brought the Savior closer than perhaps we realize. May we take the perspectives and strength this year have given and multiply them with our service to lift others. There is strength ready to come forth from the things people have endured and I believe we will continue to see more miracles from an increase of faith in Jesus Christ.
Some people speak in paragraphs, others with a sentence, and Tim speaks in short syllables. He is unassuming and modest, so I won’t write paragraphs here to detract from the general presence he carries. It’s a good day to cheer for Timothy.
It’s Monday and I have been searching for my goals for the week. Sometimes the goals are obvious and simple and are a natural fit for scheduled events. Sometimes, like this week, I have shallow goals about rearranging furniture that I will keep on the list, but they don’t deserve to be a main focus for the week.
I have three goals that I keep thinking about, but continue to push away. In fact, I haven’t written them down yet because I don’t like them. One is that I know I need to invite this person to walk with me one day this week. Next, I know I need to contact an isolated friend who I have not shown up for in a long time. The last is that I ache to play my violin.
Cue the voices of doubt,
But she will probably not want to walk with me because I am old and I don’t think she likes me.
It’s too late, what can I possibly do to make up for lost opportunities?
I just want comfort this week of high school graduation, not growth.
I will never be able to sustain the practice I need to improve on the violin.
If I say I want to have an open correspondence with God, I need to listen when He speaks to me so I am fluent in His language. Above all, I want to be trusted with His work. Here are some ways that I have come to recognize God’s voice:
I guess this week is to be about courage and people and growth, not just comfort. I am changing my list. Thanks for helping me sort this out.
♥️,
A
Mark and Tim won’t be required to wear masks at school next week. Someday these masks will seem distant, and our boys have had to wear them the most, as they attended school in person 4 days a week during the school year.
Richard and I enjoyed Mark’s first and only in-person band concert since 2019. He plays the trumpet as a freshman in an audition band. We couldn’t choose a favorite piece they played, we enjoyed them all. We have been allowed to go to many events at the high school this month, and aside from the masks on our faces, it is just like old times. It’s an encouraging sign of better days to be able to walk into the high school and cheer for our kids again.
He turned 15 without a lot of fanfare, but I know I thought about him every few minutes all day long. This morning 3 of us got up early, each thinking we would take him to his early morning rehearsal. We love this boy.
