What do you do?

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Daniel, anxious to change after his orchestra concert, pauses for a photo for his mom to share. What a good sport.

This is some of what I did last Thursday:

Cleaned the kitchen
Taught Mark about graphing, the Mycenaeans, and possessives ending with -es
Studied
Prepared food
Helped Tim memorize something
Made a dessert for a work party
Stood in line at the post office
Took Mark to the library
Went shopping
Gave 2 haircuts
Hemmed a tux for Daniel
Wrote a letter
Attended a work party
Attended a parent meeting at the high school
Attended a school band and orchestra concert

At Richard’s work party that night a female engineer asked me, “What do you do?”

I replied with a smile, thinking of all I did that day, “I stay at home.”

I guess my simple answer made her worry about my self esteem, so she told me it’s the hardest job in the world to stay at home.

Being respectful of her decision to work as an engineer, knowing that not all people have the option to stay home or the desire to stay home, and not agreeing that my life is hard, I mumbled something like, “I’m not sure about that…” and changed the subject.

These conversations are exhausting. Any job would be difficult if I didn’t embrace it, but staying home is exactly what I want to do and I love it. Maybe I need to frame my answer so people didn’t feel like they need to reassure me while downplaying their own contribution to the world. 🙂

Still, still, still

A few nights ago I stayed up late working on a Christmas gift and felt the stillness and peace that is familiar to me at this time of year. There can be a big to-do about the worldliness of Christmas gift giving, but I find that giving gifts and making gifts (sometimes late into the night) is the best way for me to celebrate the generosity of the Savior. Spending late nights working on projects gives me some quiet time to distance myself from the busy days and to think about people I love. This is why I like to make gifts.

I have a dream of being able to make fabric dolls with sweet embroidered faces. I have poured over books to learn techniques and styles but I haven’t made an attempt to sew one yet.

Many years ago I had a friend whose close family member was dying of cancer. I watched her pain and anger and deep sadness with empty thoughts. I had nothing I could offer in wisdom and empathy. My sympathy sounded tinny when I tried to voice it. She avoided company and conversation, so words were not really an option anyway. I went to a local boutique and found a handmade doll and left it at her home. Years later I received a note from her about the doll.

I have to tell you your kindness to me when my [family member] died was the most amazing gift you could give me. I’ve spoken on grief a couple of times here – go figure!! – and I always bring the doll you brought me as an example of a wordless expression of love when there were NO words that would have made me feel better.

 

I experienced a lot of pain and had three major surgeries in my early twenties. One time my mom brought me a handmade doll to hold in the hospital. It was the perfect gift when I was separated from my children and had empty arms.

The other day I found some pre-made doll bodies at the craft store and I bought one. I figure that this will be a good entry-level project. It just needs some embroidery, hair, and clothes. This will be the year that I begin to make dolls. I won’t accomplish it before Christmas, but I hope to be a doll maker by next Christmas.

I’ve noticed that children don’t appreciate a handmade doll as much as grown-ups do. I won’t be the weird aunt who gives unwanted, imperfect handmade dolls to her nieces. My dolls will be for people full of cares and worries and pain.

I have a tender list of people who I think could use a doll to hold right now. Did your heart just leap because you know that you are one of them? Perhaps I don’t know what you are going through, but I hope you have a better day today.

What I learned at the Christmas devotional

bethlehem
image from lds.org

My favorite lines from the First Presidency Christmas Devotional were spoken by President Henry B. Eyring. He spoke about Light. He began by talking about the angels who appeared to the shepherds who then visited the baby Jesus.

They were drawn on that sacred night to go to the Savior. What they saw with their physical eyes in the stable was a tiny baby. What they went to verify was visible only through spiritual feelings. We know that the Light of Christ is an influence we can recognize by its effects.

The Savior said, “For behold, it is I that speak. Behold, I am the light which shineth in darkness and by my power I give these words unto thee. Now verily, verily, I say unto thee, put your trust in that Spirit which leadeth to do good. Yea, to do justly, to walk humbly, to judge righteously. This is my Spirit. Verily, verily I say unto you, I will impart unto you of my Spirit which shall enlighten your mind, which shall fill your soul with joy.” (D&C 11:11-13, emphasis added) (I transcribed this by hand because the text wasn’t available. Hopefully I got it right.)

This was a good message for me. Although I only have the symbols of the Savior around me, I can still see Him with spiritual eyes. I love the scripture President Eyring used to tell us how to accomplish this. I learned that if we want to have a spiritual experience at Christmas, the Spirit of Christmas leads us to act, not just in tangible ways, but in the way we think of others. It is a call to be gentle in our appraisal of others. It is this kind of giving that will bring us the joy we hope to have at Christmas.

I’m focusing on being generous in my thoughts. This means I am giving everyone the benefit of the doubt in my mind and words. I’m avoiding criticism and negativity. It’s a simple formula to help me see beyond the well-intentioned busy-ness of Christmas.

What stood out to you in this quote? What are you doing to embrace the season?

We’ve had some good times

Photo from K. Nelson
Photo from K. Nelson from Girls Camp 2014 (Can you spot the trained ballerina? That’s Paige.)

We celebrate Paige today because she received her Young Womanhood Recognition award by the Bishop in church. It’s another milestone in the hastening end of her days of “growing up”. That little rubied medallion signifies hundreds of hours of service, study, development of talents, and faith. We are so very proud of her.

We gathered to celebrate my niece Kaitlyn’s baptism on Saturday. There are many sweet things about the baptism of a child. I watch the younger siblings and cousins who look forward to their own baptism days. They watch so intently. They are curious! Some press their faces against the glass to be as close as possible. I am touched by the witnesses, who are often the grandfathers. Their job is solemn, but it must feel like the job is icing on the cake. The grandmothers are shiny in their bright jackets and full smiles. They often share their wisdom in a message about baptism or the Holy Ghost and in whispered words during hugs. There is usually a stressed-out mother, thinking of details, to whom the major part of the child’s gospel learning has fallen. The importance of the day settles deeply in a mother’s heart. All of this surrounds two people dressed in white. The tender father helps the child step into the water, offers a prayer, and carefully lowers the child under the water. It’s simple. It’s sacred. Kaitlyn’s special day had all of these elements, but her little light made it unique and her own. I smile when I think how lovely Kaitlyn looked and behaved. Congratulations!

It still looks like Christmas time because the light of winter is unmistakable, but there is no sparkly snow. Timothy pines for some and worries that there won’t be snow to make forts on his birthday in a few weeks. A white Christmas IS the ideal now. Something I have learned from living in several different places is that you can love wherever you live, and it’s possible to love different climates. We have!

For some entertainment on Saturday night we pulled out the home movies of Christmases past. “We’ve had some good times,” Richard said.

Yes, my dear, we have.

 

Creative Days

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We had some snow last month. It melted quickly, but not before the two boys had made several snowmen and a “perfect snowball” that we considered storing in the freezer.

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I had several really creative days this week. I raced through my housework and sat down to choose music, pictures, and movies for our annual Christmas video for the grandparents. Another day I painted gifts, cut fancy papers, and wrapped presents. I even finished all of the applique work on my Thanksgiving wall hanging. Now I have a year to finish the embroidery. Last week Mark and I covered every counter top and table to paint a dozen large papers we will cut into shapes to make Eric Carle style art projects.

I rarely plan ahead for a day of creative work, and I usually get swept into a project before I’ve combed my hair or gotten dressed for the day. Yesterday before I knew it, it was 2 pm. The school teaching and housework were done, but I hadn’t benefited from a trip to the mirror all day.

One reason for all of this creativity is that the truck was in the shop and I didn’t have transportation. I guess I needed to expand my world a little. My days of creative isolation left me with a shopping list that includes more tape, more paint, and more glue!

A good read

wonder 2
Image from NPR

I saw the cover and read the premise and worried that it would be book about a savant child with uncanny wisdom about life. Nope! He is a character we can relate to. The first person narration from several characters is a moving way to tell this simple story of a boy with a facial abnormality who goes to school for the first time.

I read this quickly, breathlessly sometimes, and not without tears. Beautiful book.

What? No chevron prints and no cardigans?

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It’s the morning after Thanksgiving break. I awoke at 4:45, signaling that all of those naps over the weekend were probably a little excessive.

It’s that time of year when I try to get a family photo for Christmas cards. I will never be the mom who coordinates the family in French grays (at least one person in a chevron print or a cardigan) and finds a striking place to take the perfect photo. We arrived at my parents’ place on Thanksgiving and I said, “Quick, take a picture before the hair gets messed up and Daniel is covered in dirt from one of Grandpa’s projects!” The minute the photos were taken, my dad drove Daniel off to the (dusty) storage unit to gather furniture so we would have a place to sit. I know what I’m doing even if we’re not color-coordinated.

I look like I’ve gained 20 pounds in this family picture. Actually, I am just wearing 4 layers to stay warm. I’m also wearing my grandmother’s pearls to inspire me as I do dishes and cook.

Our weekend was sparkly with Christmas lights, glittery with ornaments, rich with calories, and comfortable in traditions. Those pillars of family traditions can feel overly celebratory when times are difficult, but they help carry us along. I’ve reflected a lot about two of my siblings who are going through really difficult times. Despite all of that, there was a family gathering, a place at the table, and a viewing of White Christmas on Thanksgiving to steady us. Celebrating Thanksgiving is always in order. No matter our situation, we are blessed to have a Savior, blessed to have this earth, blessed to have family and friends, blessed to have another day to live, and an endless list of more.

Happy Thanksgiving

We’re spending Thanksgiving with most of these kids.

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I machine embroidered these names in time for Thanksgiving. We’re going to attach these to baskets in cubby holes at my parents’ new house in Spring Lake. I can’t wait to see each child’s basket in a special spot at Grandma’s. I think it’s a great idea to have a place for each child to keep their things when they visit.

Each name is done in the child’s favorite color. Now that I’m done with this big project I just want to play with these colorful little tags. I’ve spent 15 minutes laying them out in different configurations on the table. Do I have time to do this? No, no I do not.

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