This girl received two scholarships this week and she went ice skating for the first time. She even falls gracefully.
Good for her!
Writing but not blogging
I found this on Pinterest but couldn’t find the original source.
It’s a good time for me, writing and studying many things. My formula for success lately comes from going to bed early, getting up early, exercising, and doing “mental” work in the morning. Housework happens in the afternoon, and most days, I take a short nap. At the very least, I try to read when Mark reads and write when Mark writes. On good days, I also practice the violin when he plays the piano.
Sorry, no pictures of the kids today. I’ve taken some but haven’t edited them. I have written many more essays for my book this week than I set out to accomplish and some activities have to be dropped in exchange.
Is writing this book evidence of a midlife crisis? The only other person I know who is writing her memoirs is dealing with a terminal illness. Some days I feel like I’m doing something crazy that no one will want to read. Other days I feel like I must be very self centered to think that my experiences are worth sharing. Other days, I write something that moves me and I can’t wait to share. The Doppler effect of memories is always on my mind. I am trying not to distort my story with too much sentiment earned by time and a different perspective. The truth is, there have been a steady mixure of rough days and good days and I am trying to figure out how to share them to connect with someone who might be going through something similar.
After indulging in the literary equivalent of a selfie each morning, focusing on myself and loving the time, I try to do something completely different, preferably for someone else! I think that I’m happier for the time spent writing, even if it means that must I get up early to do it.
#TBT: 2005
In this picture we had just left our home in Austin for the last time and we were on our way to the airport to move to Arizona (Timothy is strapped into a car seat behind Richard). I had just tried to vacuum all the footprint marks from our carpet after everyone walked out. There was a hopeless thought that we would be forgotten as simply as those footprints disappeared beneath the vacuum. At least I had that fabulous poncho to wear that day. At least there was that. I’m totally not kidding about that poncho love.
I wrote a few more sad things about the day and just deleted them. I’m going to go cheer myself up now…write with some colored ink, read something, and make a few stitches in some fabric.
Life isn’t always rosy, folks, is it? Hold on, though. Everything will work out. Guaranteed.
Spinning
I haven’t taken any pictures of the kids lately. I spend all day with Mark and when the kids come home it’s pretty nice to just be together. I haven’t taken a picture of the college admission letters Paige has received, nor the project in the garage where Richard wired for some outlets and a light. Timothy has joined us for youth activities on Wednesday nights and joined the jazz band at school. Daniel is a class officer at school and has been introduced to the world of school responsibility and some of the perks that go with it. He has been our plumber, fixing our broken sinks and his hair is getting long but I haven’t taken the time to cut it. I had a little cry in a parking lot the other day as a new level of reality set in about Paige leaving our house this year. I am happy and sad. I write and read and sew and try to create order in my lists and stitches and words as my little people spin into their own beings. It really does feel like a spin, this emergence of their individuality through all of the activities and study, milestones and challenges. It’s difficult to capture a picture of someone who is spinning.
Enlarge your souls toward others
This year I am studying the New Testament using some Bible commentary and a study guide. It’s an early morning pursuit that I try to do when the kids are asleep. After a few weeks of study I don’t think I’m much smarter, but I am gaining more empathy for the people around me through the example of the Savior. It has been helpful to know geography, politics, language, and culture of the day to see the importance of passages. However, as I study, what shines out beyond all of the historical trappings is Jesus ministering to individuals. (It’s about people, silly girl.) People occupied his hours, days, and sleepless nights. The needs of the people were relentless. He was busy meeting their needs, which he discerned by the Spirit, not just their words and actions. So many needs are never communicated aloud! There is such a need for love and discernment in our lives.
You must enlarge your souls toward others if you’d do like Jesus. As you increase in innocence and virtue, as you increase in goodness, let your hearts expand–let them be enlarged towards others–you must be longsuffering and bear with the faults of mankind. How precious are the souls of men. -Joseph Smith
Imperfect, but having great potential
I have been reading my journals of my marriage years this week. Richard and I have seen some challenges and gone through difficulties of many kinds. We have served in the Church and been apart many nights and early mornings in this service. We have weathered the baby years with little sleep, years of isolation from extended family, financial challenges, and health issues. I have seen my immaturity when dealing with trials in the pages of these journals. I have observed a growing appreciation for Richard and an ongoing discovery of how powerful my need is for his companionship. I have felt sad that I allowed our date nights to slip when the kids were young and so needy. I have felt sad for the times when I was grumpy. Tucked inside my journal was a talk that I gave in church in 2010 about marriage. This was a year when there was little sleep and there were many obligations. Its message helped me feel some comfort about my regrets that we didn’t have a perfect marriage then (and still don’t). I feel a need to share a part of it.
I think about the house I lived in while growing up. It was a fixer-upper. My parents bought a vandalized and desolate house and over the years made it into something very special. More than one time the ceiling threatened to collapse because of a leaky swamp cooler, and the doors and windows were covered in plastic during construction of an addition. There is a lesson in this. Although the house needed repair, the foundation was sure. And though necessary changes and additions were made, the original foundation served its purpose through the seasons of my parents’ marriage.
Just like a house, a successful marriage must be constantly maintained and nurtured. The most important element of a successful marriage is the foundation of covenants made in the temple. Knowing the importance God places on marriage, this relationship should be our priority.
Elder Richard G Scott said, “Through the restored gospel we learn there is an ideal family. It is a family composed of a righteous Melchizedek Priesthood bearer with a righteous wife sealed to him and children born in the covenant or sealed to them. They fulfill their divinely appointed roles mentioned in the family proclamation.”
Elder Scott counseled us to “Put first things first. Do the best you can while on earth to have an ideal family.”
I felt better after reading this because Richard and I have been through some years of renovations and additions. “Doing my best” hasn’t amounted to a constantly cheerful countenance and date nights every week. It has meant a lifetime of going to church each week and holding family home evening and family prayer as best we can. It’s meant 20 years of teamwork and loyalty. My attitude has sometimes looked like the early picture of my parents’ house and I don’t understand why we have certain challenges. Some of my favorite people have not had the opportunity to be married. Some of my favorite people have not been blessed with children. Others have been abandoned by a spouse. But the goal is the same for all of us: we strive toward the goal of an ideal family, regardless of our circumstances. We may have a wing of the house missing or the floors that creak, but it’s worth it to visualize and work for something better. Keeping covenants is the foundation of an ideal family. Construction is part of the plan for a beautiful house for each of us.
MLK Weekend
Richard and the boys enjoyed another beautiful day on the slopes on Saturday. Mark has graduated to poles and the yellow skis.
Paige worked on school all weekend. Her life is not for the lazy or fearful.
While the boys were away I met my friend Julie Rose for lunch in Provo. We have been friends since early elementary school years and we were roommates in college. The conversation was long and satisfying. She is a journalist so I always come away from our chats feeling like I was able to tell my stories. I loved hearing her stories. She is on BYU radio in the afternoons.
Daniel played a piano solo in church, Abide with Me, ‘Tis Eventide. I liked the arrangement and his expression.
My parents spoke for my sister’s ward youth fireside on Sunday night. They talked about the miracles associated with missionary work. The meeting was held at their home in Spring Lake and the topic, speakers, and setting left me feeling inspired.
We spent our first night at the new Spring Lake home. My brother in law made everyone some breakfast the next morning. He took a picture of the waffles he made for the kids:
Richard and my dad built shelves at my parents’ place and I studied and sewed all day. Deer wandered near the windows; the kids made paper airplanes, built forts, and read books. It was a nice holiday.
A Child-like Quality
One thing that Mark and I did for school yesterday was prepare some strawberry jam. My days with Mark are full. We move through the subjects each morning in a routine way, but that boy wants to talk to me all the time. He wants to tell me about Star Wars lore, Lego designs he is working on, his frustrations, Calvin and Hobbes comics, dry skin, skiing, friends, food, favorite flavors of Lifesavers candies, Chima Lego sets, career and college plans, etc., etc., etc…
It’s an exercise in focus for both of us. I try to understand what he’s saying and he tries really hard not to speak as he works on school assignments.
When the question came up in my scripture study about how to become more like a child, I immediately thought of Mark’s desire to connect with a parent. He wants to share almost everything with me. I should be more like that in my prayers.
Ordinary days
I have been doing a lot of writing. The essays of my book are grounded in concrete events, so I am remembering big things and small about experiences with my children. You never know when you wake up in the morning and maybe when you go to bed that night if something from the day will become a memory. I am savoring the fact that small events such as a walk or a trip to the park rank among the Important Events of my life. I don’t remember many details about our babies’ days but I have my journals and that is a blessing.
I read an article today that asserted that all working moms wish they could stay at home and all stay at home moms wish they could go to work! What nonsense. I believe it’s possible to be ultimately content, despite proximate disappointments and worries. I also believe that people have more to offer when they’re not so busy gauging their own personal happiness.
I’m tempted to…
…turn on the Christmas lights on my wreaths that are still hanging outside. It’s so dark outside this morning. I’m not sure why I haven’t put away the wreaths. Putting away all of the other Christmas decorations on December 31st was disturbingly satisfying.
What happened during the first week of school during 2015? Someone’s parked car rolled into our parked van at the high school. We had to go to bed and get up on time. We opened our last carton of egg nog, which I stockpiled at the end of the year. I ran expectantly to the front windows whenever I heard a big truck pass by, hoping that the doll faces pattern book that I ordered had arrived, but it never did. Timothy ordered some Legos and they at least arrived in time for weekend fun. By the time the weekend came, I was ready to watch some movies and Richard was ready to take the boys skiing. We did both. Richard and I pretended we were teenagers and watched The Giver and The Fault in Our Stars.
We loved The Giver and recommend it. We did NOT enjoy The Fault in Our Stars, which is strange because I hated reading The Giver and I loved reading The Fault in Our Stars.
It’s also strange that I said we felt like teenagers by watching these teen flicks. Our teens were too busy over the weekend with homework and other obligations to watch anything.