Vamp

photo by Liz

In the score of a musical, there are measures marked “vamp,” and you repeat these simple measures over and over as the actors do their lines before jumping into song. Some nights the actors take a little longer with their lines, and there will be more repetition. If you want an example of what I am talking about, listen to “Tradition” from Fiddler on the Roof on YouTube. As Tevye speaks, the orchestra vamps.

This week I am between numbers, just vamping: sleep, pray, eat, work, sleep, pray, eat work. Richard is at Scout camp, and I’m a little aimless, except for my goal to pick up all the pieces. I find myself free to clean out drawers and organize files. Clutter, beware. I can’t vamp forever, with a family reunion and a trip to Yellowstone coming up, but the simple beat of sorting through our home will make the transitions easier.

It’s just good to know where the socks are. It’s good to refill the empty sugar and flour containers, and discard old plastic cups that have taken over the kitchen drawer. Somehow in all the sorting, I find myself again. I get so lost when we are away from home.

I am not who you see at family gatherings

Image from Pinterest, unknown artist.

We live life on many levels. I feel very good about my inner life, where my thoughts and ideas and study have a home. My outward life is good, too. With neighbors, I am outgoing and try to be thoughtful and friendly. Among extended family, however, I usually draw inward. I feel my loss of integrity at family gatherings with guilt and surprise. Again and again, I wonder how I can feel so “together” about my life until I need to interact with relatives.

I disengage because there is a smaller chance of me messing up or facing assessment. I need to stop being afraid of what others think and say. It robs me of myself and better family relationships.

A favorite great-aunt continues to be my ideal for how to interact at family gatherings. Recently, I went over her patterns of behavior and realized she made brief, beautiful appearances and then retreated. She was often late, seeming to operate in her own time table. She brought expensive bakery goods to contribute. She had her place: she was the sparkle. She probably felt the pressure of her role very deeply. Was she late because it took a lot of effort to face us, with gifts, clothes, and food, perfectly arranged?  Her effusive compliments were a part of her script for a few hours and then she was gone. When she stayed for a few days instead of a few hours, she took time away from family to take walks and read. Clearly she had a need for personal time. I admire how she handled the high-intensity dynamics of a family gathering. She chose to turn outward, and this takes so much courage. She was kind and outgoing without compromising her need for solitude. I want to be like this.

Receive every offer, idea, and contribution with gratitude and grace. Greet warmly. Accept invitations with excitement. Express gratitude freely. Encourage and admire openly. Read another time. Celebrate individuality. Remember we are all children of the Most High and have a need to be loved.

July 4th at Spring Lake


There are two stories of our Spring Lake retreat for July 4th. The first story is peaceful, quiet, and relaxed. The next story is more crowded with cousins and family. Each has its place and is important.

Richard J. brought me homemade Swig cookies~La La Land~ice cream run~sunset views of the Payson temple~4 of 5 siblings and families attend~My aunt’s family attends~pretty tables~big lunch~birthday cake for Sarah~nap on the couch in the middle of everything going on~babies ~littles ~middles ~teens ~twenties ~thirties ~forties ~fifties ~sixties

Mark’s Summer Adventure

These pictures came to me gradually over the week that Mark was gone. It was a fun to see how far he traveled each day. He said he really, really loved Mount Rushmore and many other things on his trip with his cousins and grandparents.

Crazy Horse

 

Martin’s Cove

I know Mark will always remember this trip and love his grandparents for the time they took to get to know him better as they traveled. It’s really a priceless gift.

Know Who You Are

The young women and their leaders in my congregation are at girls’ camp this week. Their camp theme is “Know who you are,” which I didn’t realize was a Moana thing until after I made this display for them. As I compiled these quotes, I saw that the scriptures have a whole lot more to say about who Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are than who we are. This is another religious paradox: we don’t learn who we are by focusing on ourselves. Instead, a knowledge of God is essential to know who we are and who we can become.

Some of what I found in my study isn’t popular. I felt myself having to draw some courage to write one of the quotes. This message from Sister Bonnie Oscarson, General Young Women president, helped me:

I worry that we live in such an atmosphere of avoiding offense that we sometimes altogether avoid teaching correct principles. We fail to teach our young women that preparing to be a mother is of utmost importance because we don’t want to offend those who aren’t married or those who can’t have children, or to be seen as stifling future choices. On the other hand, we may also fail to emphasize the importance of education because we don’t want to send the message that it is more important than marriage. We avoid declaring that our Heavenly Father defines marriage as being between a man and woman because we don’t want to offend those who experience same-sex attraction. And we may find it uncomfortable to discuss gender issues or healthy sexuality.

Certainly, sisters, we need to use sensitivity, but let us also use our common sense and our understanding of the plan of salvation to be bold and straightforward when it comes to teaching our children and youth the essential gospel principles they must understand to navigate the world in which they live. If we don’t teach our children and youth true doctrine—and teach it clearly—the world will teach them Satan’s lies.

Whirlwind Trip

We had a picnic in the mountains with Richard’s family. We visited our neighbors in Sahuarita, surprised Paige’s dance teacher, and walked around the desert museum. We saw our old house. We toured the Tucson Temple with Maria and her family. And then we came home. Phew!