As I See It

In 2018, I learned it was God holding up my children. Not me.

I learned that I do not like philosophical email exchanges. I prefer less theory and more practical planning.

My skin is failing me.

My children have all surpassed me in musical ability.

I learned that I am good at knowing what people need.

I learned that the things I wished for when I was young are still what I wish for now: a simple house, quiet evenings, and books. Oh, and dolls.

I appreciate cheerful, fun-loving sidekicks.

I learned to not define myself by what I do. I am more than all of that.

I learned that my patriarchal blessing has a whole paragraph devoted to what I am going through right now. I always wondered why that paragraph was there. Now I know.

I have caused hurt.

I am full of power to act.

It is easy for me to find something to be grateful for each day.

I learned a little more that Christ is always the answer.

In 2019 I want to know what to say. I want to go ice skating. I want to conquer some fear. I want to be better at diverting a couple of people from negativity. I want to savor every day with my children while they still live with me. I want to be clear with others of what I know. I need God’s grace to make me meek, open, and unencumbered. 2019, we have our work cut out for us.

Four choices of study for Matthew 1 and Luke 1

Last Monday I posted the worksheet that I made for our family for the Come Follow Me curriculum week one. The important thing is that our family followed our plan during the week, and we had a good discussion on Sunday. They won’t be making any training videos for family discussions using our family, but it was good.

For this week, we have four family members at home, so I split the readings in Matthew 1 and Luke 1 into four stories: Mary, Joseph, Elizabeth/Zacharias (counts as one), and Gabriel. Each of us will choose one person (or couple) to study this week.

If you care to see the study guide I made for Matthew 1 and Luke 1, this is a link to the document . Some of the questions come from the Church study guide, and some are my own. I feel silly posting this. But there it is.

Correction: on worksheet, the last reference for Gabriel should be Luke 1:26-37, not Matthew.

Books I Read in 2018

My top four books are in bold. The winners are a memoir, an economics book, a book about depression and anxiety, and a book of essays. It seems I liked books that challenged my way of thinking this year.

  1. The Girl With Seven Names: Escape From North Korea by Hyeonseo Lee (This was good, and eye opening)
  2. Emma by Jane Austen (I read this every few years.)
  3. No Life for a Lady by Agnes Morley Cleaveland (Memoir of ranch life in New Mexico 1870s-1930s)(Engaging, interesting, and made me want to go to New Mexico again.)
  4. You are Boring, but You are Uniquely Boring: 25 Models for Writing Your Memoir by Louise Plummer and Ann Cannon (a good, easy guide)
  5. The Book of Mormon
  6. The Zookeeper’s Wife by Diane Ackerman (pretty good)
  7. Friends Divided: John Adams and Thomas Jefferson by Gordon S. Wood (I liked the beginning and ending but the middle had a little too much political theory for me.)
  8. The Book of Mormon (This was our family reading that took us about two years this time, maybe longer.)
  9. The Book of Mormon (I focused on pulling out concise doctrines and phrases for a new project.)
  10. The Girl Who Wrote in Silk (Not recommended.)
  11. Queen Victoria: From Her Birth to the Death of the Prince Consort by Cecil Woodham-Smith (Minus the chapters about the Crimea and India, I liked it.)
  12. Unified: How Our Unlikely Friendship Gives Us Hope for a Divided Countryby Senator Tim Scott and Congressman Trey Gowdy (Not about politics, this book about friendship made me want to be a better neighbor.)
  13. Still Alice by Lisa Genova (I loved it.)
  14. Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi (A lot of the content made me uncomfortable, but it is quite a story.)
  15. Encyclopedia of Trouble and Spaciousness by Rebecca Solnit (I loved the variety of essays in this book. The essay on Thoreau and his sisters was my favorite. I loved the concept that sister is a verb…)
  16. The Gospel Comes With a House Key by Rosaria Butterfield (This is about the power of Christian hospitality. Unfortunately, I did not feel hospitality in her choice of language. It felt like she was writing to an exclusive group, with its own vernacular, which was somewhat unclear to me. I still loved her and I still felt inspired to open my home and my life to others to help bring people to Christ.)
  17. Who Cooked Adam Smith’s Dinner? A Story of Women and Economics by Katherine Marcal (She introduced ideas that were completely new to me. I am still thinking about it. I didn’t agree with everything she said, but this is an important book.)
  18. The Book of Mormon (focus: ministering)
  19. My Life in Middlemarch by Rebecca Mead (The most comforting, familiar book I could think to read after Daniel left home.)
  20. America’s First Daughter by Stephanie Dray and Laura Kamoie (I couldn’t put it down.)
  21. Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression and Anxiety and the Unexpected Solutions by Johann Hari (This challenges everything I thought I understood about depression and anxiety. I didn’t agree with all of his proposed solutions, but so much of this made sense to me. Highly recommended.)
  22. Saints: The Story of the Church of Jesus Christ in the Latter Days, Volume 1. The Standard of Truth, 1815-1846. (Really good.)
  23. Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist (Some good truths here.)
  24. The Book of Mormon (focus: references which include Christ)
  25. Mama’s Bank Account by Kathryn Forbes (I absolutely loved it.)
  26. The Persian Pickle Club by Sandra Dallas
  27. The Gift if the Magi by O Henry
  28. A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickins

Just Write.

I mailed off my thank you notes for Christmas this morning and felt some relief after facing it. I question my wording, my tardiness, my choice of card. I wonder if I will seem overly flowery in my words or give the impression I am underwhelmed by a gift. I worry that it is another reminder that I am annoying. I am posting a radio segment I listened to today that addresses these concerns.

Julie is my friend from elementary school, middle school, and high school. We were also college roommates. She is the host for BYU Radio’s Top of Mind. Here is her interview about the value of thank you notes.

(it is about six minutes.)

If you are too busy to listen, the summary is that you should write how you feel and not worry about form or being annoying. Research supports that people love to receive thank you notes.

This is how we are doing it this week: Come Follow Me for Individuals and Families Week 1

This week, the goal is for each person to study a few verses on their own each day and write about it. We wanted the kids to start a journal of their scripture study, so each week I plan to make a page on which they can write. This week I typed it. Some weeks it may be photocopies of post-it notes. And yes, we will be sweetening the deal as we come together to share on Sunday morning. We will keep reading the Book of Mormon as a family in the evenings. Every scripture and question is listed in the study guide, so there’s nothing original here, just the way we are going to use it.

Post edit addition: we are changing the cinnamon roll time because it’s the first Sunday of the month. 😉

Some good memories from December

We visited Temple Square on one of the warmest December nights we have known. We were able to listen to the Nativity narration outdoors and noticed for the first time that there is a star mounted on top of the Tabernacle. We had just fed the missionaries dinner before we came, and their message was to “Look up!” Amen.
Timothy and I played a medley of German Christmas carols at church and for family. He is a great pianist and accompanist.
Timothy got his license.
We had a birthday party for Tim and my parents came.
Mark made raspberry jam for his dad’s Christmas present. 😍
I shopped for stuffed animals. The giraffe!
Christmas morning fun

We were able to do a video call with Daniel and we didn’t need all of those questions we planned to ask. He talked non-stop, with enthusiasm, zeal, and happiness pouring forth. I didn’t know how much I needed to just see him and hear him speak. I didn’t take a picture of the screen, but imagine light, clothed in the Christmas tie that I was told he probably wouldn’t receive in the mail, a short haircut, sunburned neck, and speaking a mixture of Spanish and English, really fast. That was Daniel. Nothing sad about that.

Paige is with us, and moves from her room, where she is catching up on some reading, to the piano, every few hours throughout the day. Chopin, Debussy, and Jane Austen scores are now in the mix played on our piano. She is all things lovely.

Type and Shadow

I feel kinship and pity for Mary who gave birth in a stable. I had an emergency birth with strangers to attend, in a place I didn’t choose, and the feelings I had were fear, frustration, disappointment, and embarrassment. The shepherds were ready to proclaim his birth, but Mary kept these things and pondered them in her heart. I think that is appropriate. In order for there to be tidings of great joy, Mary’s experience had to be difficult, and not easily explained. I read that the manger was likely carved from limestone, somewhat similar to an altar. Even in this lowly place, there was a type and shadow of sacrifice for the Savior’s bed. Luke’s record seems to have the details Mary would remember. The cold manger is one of those details, type and shadow, present even at birth.

Shadows of another kind also accompany Christmas. All light will produce it. In contrast to my feelings of cheer, there is also shadow. My solution when I feel it is to hang more lights and decorations. We have four Christmas trees this year.

The full nature of the Savior’s ministry was to conquer every difficulty, and in this is our hope: he is a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. The pivotal truth of Christmas is that Jesus came, experienced, and overcame all. He was real. Jesus wept.

I have wept as I comforted a friend this month, and felt more Christmas spirit in that act than any other thing I have done to keep Christmas. I welcome this shadow, because somewhere in that shared cry was also joy.

Daniel’s light still shines for us, and is a source of joy, but his absence is still shadow. This year, Christmas brings into focus a stone manger as an altar, and feelings about my own son far from home. It is a joyful Christmas, but like a drawing, there is neither definition nor depth without shadow.