Category: Motherhood

Gifts from my children

We all enjoy giving and receiving presents. But there is a difference between presents and gifts. True gifts may be part of ourselves– giving of the heart and mind– and therefore more enduring and of far greater worth than presents bought at the store.

James E. Faust
I played In the Bleak Midwinter in church. This is a screenshot from the YouTube broadcast.
Here you can kind of see Daniel, whose accompaniment was vital and beautiful.

I have been touched by many gifts this Christmas. Paige made drawings of Daniel and Tim at age three to complete my little collection of drawings of our children. Daniel may not consider this as part of his already generous gift and precious letter to me, but his piano accompaniment of the piece I played in church was a beautiful gift. Tim hand wrote long letters to each of us and made sure I had a gift from him under the tree, even though he wasn’t with us this year. Mark gave me a CD of music that he doesn’t enjoy himself, and was my companion for so many errands for Christmas giving. His service and company was so important to me this year.

It isn’t always possible to do something meaningful, but I know when I give “of my heart and mind,” the Spirit of Christmas fills my soul.

Today Paige and Michael celebrate their anniversary. Their presence in our lives is a gift and blessing.

photo by Rachel Angela Photography

Timothy’s goodbye

1 Samuel 1

There were around 600 missionaries who entered the missionary training center this week, and that can make a person think this is just something we do in our religious culture. But I have the view that every missionary is a unique marvel, and it doesn’t escape my notice that we lend our children to the Lord at the gates of a temple. It is a sacred act to say goodbye to a child going on a mission. For this child I prayed, it is true, but we aren’t really the ones who are doing the lending. It is our son’s decision and gift.

Acts 26:16

The MTC room in our house had a sacred feeling that could capture my breath while Tim lived with us as a missionary. When he left, the room, while peaceful, did not have the same impact. This is evidence to me of the power of God to transform a teenager into a minister and a witness. I don’t know what Tim will be able to do in this pandemic-ridden world, or where he will serve because of so many uncertainties, but I have experienced the peace that accompanies a missionary. The world needs this kind of peace, and I believe the Lord will use our son for good.

2 Timothy 1

So we send him on his way. The hugs are inadequate to convey all we feel, but as I look up at the blue sky and feel the warmth of the sun this week, I feel a compensating joy. I have learned the only way to drive away fear is to act in faith. Then we see miracles.

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. Be not thou therefore ashamed of the testimony of our Lord… but be thou partaker of the afflictions of the gospel according to the power of God; Who hath saved us, and called us with an holy calling, not according to our works, but according to his own purpose and grace, which was given us in Christ Jesus before the world began.

2 Timothy 1:7-9

Thanksgiving

We take our places in line together, one, two, three, last time. As we send Tim off to serve, once again our photos won’t be complete for a while. I have been thinking how the pandemic has lengthened our experiences with our children. Everything in our lives shifted, and we have been together more than we imagined we would at this phase in our lives. We have been given time, precious, unexpected, fortifying time, for which I am so thankful.

Tender mercies Nov. 14-21

I was inspired by someone who keeps a gratitude journal to do my own this year. Here is what I wrote last week.

Sun 14

  • People were kind to Tim, and watched his talk online and came to the meeting and showed support in many ways.
  • Tim is now a missionary.
  • A beautiful sunset, a sign from heaven.
  • The S.L. children’s sacrament meeting presentation, singing The Spirit of God.
  • A visit from P and B from Austin.

Mon 15

  • Cute missionary vibes coming from behind the door in Paige’s old room, our home missionary training center.
  • A nice, slow day to recover a bit.
  • We shared favorite scriptures for family night. Mark: John 16:33; Tim (Elder Ross): Mosiah 4:11-12; Richard: D&C 121:7-8; Mine: Isaiah 61:1-3
  • Tim filled the house with piano music in the evening.
  • I am thankful for my journal to write in and to go back and read.

Tues 16

  • The recipe for stew that was the perfect comfort food after hearing Tim would be temporarily reassigned to Vancouver, Canada. (Not sad, just shocked and overwhelmed at having to get winter stuff so quickly.)
  • I shopped for clothing in the middle of the night and found things that would arrive before Tim leaves on December 1.
  • A Mitford novel to comfort me.
  • Daniel offered his mission coat to Tim.

Wed 17

  • Morning sunshine after a sleepless night
  • K.G. and family are recovering well from Covid. I have been worried about them.
  • I had time and clarity to finalize my presentation for stake Primary training.
  • I listened in to a missionary training meeting about obedience. It was so inspiring! Tim’s goodness fills the room. He is pleasant and happy.

Thurs 18

  • RJ was spared in an accident on the freeway.
  • I feel so blessed to work with my presidency. A and S taught and led with inspiration and power at the training meeting.
  • Richard helped me shop at Costco and arranged to have the oil changed in the car.
  • EL helped set up the technology for our training.
  • C put together beautifully packaged refreshments.
  • President T. from the stake presidency supported us by attending. He says the best things. “If Jesus came to your ward, I think He’d go to the Primary first.”

Fri 19

  • I sat down to write thank you notes. It took hours. People have been so kind to me.
  • An ailment I have felt for about 3 weeks just went away today.

Sat 20

  • We had an easy, straightforward trip to the suit shop to get a suit for Tim.
  • Both K. and M. came to dinner.
  • JB and JC listened and showed empathy.
  • I am thankful for the time I spent cleaning my pretty kitchen. It felt good to make it sparkle.

Sun 21

  • I was given strength and confidence to present my talk in a couple of wards.
  • Kind words from some people after my talk.
  • We spent time choosing music for our annual Christmas video and slideshow. I am so thankful for Paige and Tim’s help!

We have a missionary

What a full weekend we have had. Tim was set apart on Sunday as a missionary and we invited his two best friends to join us. I attended several Primary programs in addition to our sacrament meeting where Tim spoke. One Primary sang I Hope they Call Me on a Mission, and I was glad I was wearing a mask/tear catcher as those children suddenly reminded me of Tim at their age. He sang a solo once in a Primary program. He doesn’t remember singing this solo, but his clear voice is a vivid memory for me, 🎵An angel came to Joseph Smith, and from the ground he took a sacred record hidden there, a precious, holy book.🎶

He will train from home for two weeks and enter the Provo MTC on December 1. His target date to fly to Guam is December 29, but like you, we have been trained to be really flexible and prepared for things to shift.

Past, Present, Future

Tiny art by Paige for my miniature museum, featuring Tim as a missionary in Micronesia.

Being the planner that I am, I get lost in future scenarios really easily. I love to sit down with my day planner and organize everything. Sometimes I have to limit how long I allow myself to live in the future because hello, there are people here, right now, that could use some attention.

I also have a sentimental side that collects images and artifacts from every event in our lives. I find that when I am most stressed, it is my memories that will ground me. Favorite escape memories for me often involve scenes from my childhood: a still, black, icy night walking home from a tithing settlement with my family; feeling static shocks at my great-grandmother’s house from her shag carpet while eating her pink wintergreen lozenges; the leathery, then papery crunch of autumn leaves under my feet as I walked home from elementary school on a golden afternoon. The past is a friend when I am a bag of nerves.

The present is probably the least easy place for me to inhabit. But this week that is where I have tried to live. We spent time with Tim and Mark last Friday, a last hurrah together before the mission. I didn’t take pictures, just mental ones. I have tried to be open to what the last week of regular life has brought to us. I watched Tim and Elder Josh Marz together in our front yard, talking and smiling on Josh’s last P-day before flying to his mission. I watched some shows with Mark who has a cold. I walked around a store and explored the Christmas aisles instead of just my usual in-and-out beeline to the things on my list.

We gather tomorrow for an outdoor goodbye party for Tim. On Sunday, he will speak in church and be set apart as a missionary. All the planning and work makes the present more enjoyable. My word of the month is SHINE. We’re ready.

Good news

photo by Rachel Angela Photography

Our mailman has been 3 for 3 this week for bringing good things. He delivered the long awaited passport. The next two days he delivered some family history and a kind note. I have been praying for that silly passport to come, and feel so happy that we are moving forward again with Tim’s travel details. I learned a new dimension of trust in God’s will as I gave up my worry each day, a tattered offering to God who does not make mistakes, and whose will is done on earth as it is in heaven.

Autumn vibe

Current light in my house is in the shades of orange and yellow, and I am a project-driven maniac. Fall is my time. It is when I was born. It is when I get things accomplished. Mission list? DONE. Christmas presents? Almost DONE. Neighbor gifts? BOOM! November and December, I am ready. Bring all you have to ask of me. Bring it all: a missionary, home MTC, Primary programs, speaking and training assignments, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Thanks to a healthy and productive October I am more prepared face all the things, and have a cushion of time for the goodbye. I fall apart sometimes, and it isn’t all perfect, but I know God has been in the details of this season.