Life according to Angela – Page 68

People at work

This is what Paige moved home to last week, but we finished and she has a bedroom again.

So much of my life, our lives, feels like it’s under construction right now. We are stretched. We are challenged.

Paige finished her second year of college, moved home for the summer, and begins her job search tomorrow.

Daniel learned to dance the Lindy Hop in ballroom. This is a seriously difficult dance.

Timothy is filming sketch comedy each day after school. I knew he would be drawn to this eventually.

Mark and Paige painted her room with me.

The boys have a big piano ensemble performance this week.

AP test weeks have arrived.

Richard left in a snowstorm to go camping with the Boy Scouts on Friday and came home happy.

Life is full. I am learning that many things I spend my time doing, thinking they will make the family happy, don’t do this at all. A few examples:

Clean house? Not important to them.

Clean clothing? Important to them.

Conversation at 11pm? Important to teens only.

Talking TO them? Not welcome.

Listening to them? Always important.

Milk and cereal always on hand? Important.

Telling them about what I am reading? Not important. A real turn-off.

Using what I am reading to be more empathetic? Important.

Seasonal decorations? Not important, except at Christmas time.

Freshly painted baseboards? Not important to them.

Much of what I do is just for me, after all. It’s ok to do what I love, but I need to be honest about who I am really serving. Wrapped up in things only I care about under the guise of serving my family is counterproductive. This makes me unapproachable and busy. This is not how I want to be.

Confession

I am addicted to this show. It’s my reward and my escape. I almost didn’t watch it because the editing in the first episode created so much tension that I was nauseous. Then I told myself it was just a bunch of people baking breads and cakes, and the drama was just contrived. I haven’t gained any baking knowledge or skills from this show; I watch it for the people. My favorite bakers are the ones who either keep their humor or remain calm under pressure and tough scrutiny. I love watching people be resilient, how about you?

The 2012 list in 2017

Page one of a list I made of things to fix in our house in 2012

I have never had a to do list last for 5 years. We work at this old house all the time, but it’s mainly things you can’t see, and by “we,” I mean Richard. My contribution is to decorate (put pictures up over all the nail holes) and keep everything clean. Beginning today, I am going to focus on finishing the painting. I will paint with the minutes I have each day until it’s done. I have had it with shabby walls and ceilings.

Book Club

There are several women in this photo who are moving or leaving soon for an extended time and they mean a lot to me. I am grateful that our lives overlapped these past few years. One member of our book club passed away a few weeks ago. We were discussing the book she recommended tonight. It was a good book, Carol.

Study Notes

Here are some of my notes from last month’s study of the Book of Mormon. You may have noticed that my scripture projects are always evolving. This last complete reading of the Book of Mormon, I chose to focus on four topics and write down references and quotes related to each. I chose the following topics: faith, prayer, family challenges, and the atonement of Jesus Christ.

Of the four topics, the biggest number of references were about the atonement. I wrote 11 pages of notes about it. The other topics supplied 6 pages of notes each.

Here are a few basic things I gained from this exercise of seeking deeply by topic:

The Book of Mormon is what it claims to be: another [powerful] testament of Jesus Christ. There were nearly twice as many references about the atonement compared to the other topics I studied.
Abinadi is my new favorite Book of Mormon prophet because his message is so heavily centered on Jesus Christ. I wrote more of his words (and his Messianic quotes from Isaiah) under the topic of “atonement” than any other Book of Mormon prophet.
There are no ideal families in the Book of Mormon. What I found in Book of Mormon families was sometimes heartbreaking, but I focused on what parents did in response to the challenges. This was so helpful.
A common word used to describe how to pray is “pour”, e.g. we need to pour out our souls in prayer. The meaning of this grows as I ponder this simple word.
I saw that acts of faith always brought miracles, and always required incredible courage. Miraculous outcomes do not always manifest themselves as immediate physical protection. I need to embrace this concept.

These ideas seem simple and basic, but that’s how it is with profound things. Truth is simple. It’s deep, but discernable. I am learning to love the Book of Mormon this year more than I have before.

Arches National Park

We spent a couple of days at Arches National Park this week to replenish our spirits. We did this by depleting all the energy in our bodies. For me, I was pretty depleted to begin, but I made it up the trails. I felt fear like I never remember before, the kind of fear that zings through the body and comes to rest, hot and electric in the feet and fingertips, as I watched the boys climb and jump over rock faces. I felt my spirit expand as I looked out over vistas. Concerns that felt so heavy moved to their proper place in my mind, less prominent and less pressing. We enjoyed our time with Shari’s family. We spent money at a rock shop and ate pop tarts. Comic books and AP History papers littered the back seat of the truck. We played card games in the tent trailer at night and made jokes about signs we saw. My boys said, Look, mom!” a dozen times (My favorite phrase). Food was often the topic of conversation when we weren’t eating. Mark swam at the campground pool until we had to leave. I read four whole pages.

These kite string moments, where we watch the boys soar, are different for Richard than for me. He photographs everything and urges us to do more hikes and make the most of the time. I sit and watch, allowing time to be insignificant, focusing on small moments of how they looked and talked on this day. Then I set the memories away gently in my mind. My favorite moment was sitting under our last arch of the trip, watching the crowds and the boys, Richard and I resting in our little niche in the rock. All was well.

I Didn’t See it Coming

Recently, something triggered the thought, “How did we get to this point, a daughter halfway through college, and sons speeding after her?” I felt disconnected and shocked to see where time had carried us.

We have been present in the kids’ lives; There are 14 years home schooling to look back on. We have been mindful and careful in parenting decisions. We have been there for almost every important milestone. We’ve been there for the little things, such as family meals and scripture study, tucking in, and prayers. It seems like we have earned the right to feel the situation with more sense of reality, but I don’t. How could anything creep up on us with all this focus on our family?

Perhaps that’s just it, we have been so focused on the minutes, I haven’t grasped the years going by. I keep hearing that this is common. It makes me wonder how it will be when my “youthful” self is in a shell that looks much older than I am now. Will that reality be just as shocking? Probably.

Category: Life according to Angela