My late July and all August posts were deleted and I have been locked out from my site for many days this week. I am just grateful it was only pictures and no writing that I lost. I have the pictures on several computers and they are backed up. My writing isn’t. I think it was an automatic WordPress update that was the culprit.
We will see if this post will show up.
I have been devastated by the loss of my forum this past week. That is a sad reflection on me, I think.
Pioneer Day in Utah is a lot more fun than Pioneer Day in other states we have lived. Mark was excited all day for the fireworks. His excitement translated into some entertaining conversation topics and extra energy to push the cart around Costco. I felt especially bothered by Costco yesterday. I could not get out of there fast enough. Does this ever happen to you? Daniel worked on the Cooking Merit Badge until he almost passed out from standing so long and maybe locking his knees. I think it may have had to do with handling raw meat, too. Note to self: cooking is a bigger service than you know. Mark made dinner, a nice ham quiche, while Daniel and I worked on dinners to freeze for an upcoming Yellowstone trip. In the evening, Paige and I drove the boys and Richard around the neighborhood in the truck, collecting the Scout flags that were displayed for the holiday. Later, we shared our sparklers with our little neighbors. “Can I have another sparkler, please?” little Andy kept asking. Thankfully, we had about a zillion of them to give. We have some serious fireworks enthusiasts on the street next to ours which we benefit from, so we have never bought aerial fireworks. This year, the favorite Ross-level firework was the “Cracker Barrel,” a tiny firework that just kept going.
Today I am working on my family reunion assignments, Church stuff, and the mudroom. But first, I sit in the trailer with the heater on as it dries out the rain that came through a zipper. This is why you are getting a post about minutiae.
There were uncomplicated, lovely times last week: a Relief Society garden party in Charlene’s gorgeous backyard, my nieces’ puppet booth, and a good date night. There was an unplanned trip to a joke shop and a small town drive-in with Timothy and Mark, where they said the food was the best they had ever had. Daniel went on a backpacking trip with a friend, which felt like a milestone because he has never done something like this without adults. He came home covered in bug bites (not mosquito), but had a great view of the valley.
It was a week of work for body, mind, and heart. There was the satisfaction of finishing a quilt top and removing bags of unneeded things from the house and cleaning up a flower bed in the backyard. I prepared several messages for my Church calling, only to realize that the simplest one was best. I felt deep concern for some friends, and molded it into prayer. In return, I feel heard, and more like the person I should be: more connected with God and my neighbors.
This upcoming week peers around the corner, and I see glimpses of what can be, and I smile.
A phrase from a scripture really captured my thoughts recently, “when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God…” (Alma 37:37)
I have been working to show more gratitude in my morning prayers, and not just dump my list of concerns and requests. I like what it does for the day to begin with more gratitude.
Here are some things I am thankful for today:
I think I can say that I am an expert on our son Mark, and this week he was different. He is used to being home alone without friends, so when he started to show frustration that he couldn’t get in touch with one of his friends, I was a little baffled. Over a few days, he kept asking me to contact his friend’s mother after his efforts to make noise and peer through the fence didn’t work to get his friend’s attention.
On Wednesday, the day before his Scout camp, Mark was especially lonely for this friend, but we couldn’t reach him. I took him out into the garden with me and we worked together. I looked at Lego sets with him online. I told him to clean his room (my answer for boredom). Eventually, the back gate opened and they were together at last.
That day they talked a lot about Scout camp and Mark talked his friend into going. “I had him at guns, Mom.” (There are rifles at Scout camp.)
I didn’t want to destroy his hopes, but I knew there were some hurdles to getting this boy to Scout camp the next morning. I tried to explain to Mark that it was up to the boy’s parents to get him ready, and there was a lot to do. I told him there might be trouble getting all the forms filled out, and the camp might not let him go at the last minute. This time, it was Mark’s turn to be baffled at me. He was sure his friend was going to Scout camp.
Mark was right, and the love he showed his friend was the key to getting him there. This sweet friend is a Church member, but doesn’t feel comfortable among the kids at church. Mark misses his friend on Sundays.
I realized that Mark’s discomfort all week was probably the Spirit prompting him to act. My attempts to divert his attention and dampen his enthusiasm didn’t make his job any easier. As I read a text of gratitude from the boy’s mother, what had begun for me as cautious encouragement for Mark turned to open admiration for his courage. Next time, I hope I will do more to allow him to follow the promptings he feels from the Holy Ghost.
It seems strange now, but I had spent some time this week worrying about sending Mark to camp. As he stepped out of the car when I dropped him off, I saw Mark’s confidence and maturity as he went straight to his friend to welcome him. There is strength and perception and power in our eleven-year-old. Trust me, I know because I’m a Mark expert.
My quilt group made these blocks about 18 months ago and exchanged them with one another. I made the ones with the smiles. I was busy and put them away and forgot about them. It’s definitely time to sew them together and make this quilt! I plan to ask my sisters and mom to help me hand quilt around the figures during our family reunion. I’m bossy like that.
In the score of a musical, there are measures marked “vamp,” and you repeat these simple measures over and over as the actors do their lines before jumping into song. Some nights the actors take a little longer with their lines, and there will be more repetition. If you want an example of what I am talking about, listen to “Tradition” from Fiddler on the Roof on YouTube. As Tevye speaks, the orchestra vamps.
This week I am between numbers, just vamping: sleep, pray, eat, work, sleep, pray, eat work. Richard is at Scout camp, and I’m a little aimless, except for my goal to pick up all the pieces. I find myself free to clean out drawers and organize files. Clutter, beware. I can’t vamp forever, with a family reunion and a trip to Yellowstone coming up, but the simple beat of sorting through our home will make the transitions easier.
It’s just good to know where the socks are. It’s good to refill the empty sugar and flour containers, and discard old plastic cups that have taken over the kitchen drawer. Somehow in all the sorting, I find myself again. I get so lost when we are away from home.
We live life on many levels. I feel very good about my inner life, where my thoughts and ideas and study have a home. My outward life is good, too. With neighbors, I am outgoing and try to be thoughtful and friendly. Among extended family, however, I usually draw inward. I feel my loss of integrity at family gatherings with guilt and surprise. Again and again, I wonder how I can feel so “together” about my life until I need to interact with relatives.
I disengage because there is a smaller chance of me messing up or facing assessment. I need to stop being afraid of what others think and say. It robs me of myself and better family relationships.
A favorite great-aunt continues to be my ideal for how to interact at family gatherings. Recently, I went over her patterns of behavior and realized she made brief, beautiful appearances and then retreated. She was often late, seeming to operate in her own time table. She brought expensive bakery goods to contribute. She had her place: she was the sparkle. She probably felt the pressure of her role very deeply. Was she late because it took a lot of effort to face us, with gifts, clothes, and food, perfectly arranged? Her effusive compliments were a part of her script for a few hours and then she was gone. When she stayed for a few days instead of a few hours, she took time away from family to take walks and read. Clearly she had a need for personal time. I admire how she handled the high-intensity dynamics of a family gathering. She chose to turn outward, and this takes so much courage. She was kind and outgoing without compromising her need for solitude. I want to be like this.
Receive every offer, idea, and contribution with gratitude and grace. Greet warmly. Accept invitations with excitement. Express gratitude freely. Encourage and admire openly. Read another time. Celebrate individuality. Remember we are all children of the Most High and have a need to be loved.
Mark is on a trip to Mt Rushmore with two cousins and his grandparents. Richard and the boys are on a high adventure trip. Paige is at work. I am alone for more than 45 minutes for the first time in years.
What?
Please don’t ask me to account for how I spend this time. I make no promises of productivity.
The young women and their leaders in my congregation are at girls’ camp this week. Their camp theme is “Know who you are,” which I didn’t realize was a Moana thing until after I made this display for them. As I compiled these quotes, I saw that the scriptures have a whole lot more to say about who Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are than who we are. This is another religious paradox: we don’t learn who we are by focusing on ourselves. Instead, a knowledge of God is essential to know who we are and who we can become.
Some of what I found in my study isn’t popular. I felt myself having to draw some courage to write one of the quotes. This message from Sister Bonnie Oscarson, General Young Women president, helped me:
I worry that we live in such an atmosphere of avoiding offense that we sometimes altogether avoid teaching correct principles. We fail to teach our young women that preparing to be a mother is of utmost importance because we don’t want to offend those who aren’t married or those who can’t have children, or to be seen as stifling future choices. On the other hand, we may also fail to emphasize the importance of education because we don’t want to send the message that it is more important than marriage. We avoid declaring that our Heavenly Father defines marriage as being between a man and woman because we don’t want to offend those who experience same-sex attraction. And we may find it uncomfortable to discuss gender issues or healthy sexuality.
Certainly, sisters, we need to use sensitivity, but let us also use our common sense and our understanding of the plan of salvation to be bold and straightforward when it comes to teaching our children and youth the essential gospel principles they must understand to navigate the world in which they live. If we don’t teach our children and youth true doctrine—and teach it clearly—the world will teach them Satan’s lies.