Category: Family Time

Thirteen

I asked the family if anyone remembered their 13th birthday. Mark said right away, “I do,” since it was the day before. Paige told me that she remembered her thirteenth birthday because she got braces and her hair cut that week. I remember being angry about being teased. Tim remembers going to a Star Wars premier at midnight.

I like to read old posts of how things used to be, so here’s one for the time capsule.

At age 13, Mark is interested in reading, Legos, Scouting, the Anthem PS4 game, and a Netflix show about mind games. Salted caramel anything? Yes, please. Dark chocolate is pulling out in front of milk chocolate. His birthday cake of choice is Violet Sanchez’s glazed lemon cake. Milky Way candy bars, chili cheese Fritos, and store brand cherry toaster pastries traveled down the conveyor belt at the grocery store this week in his honor. He likes to peruse the spice aisle and try new flavors. Favorite dinners usually include beef: meatballs, meatloaf, pot roast, hamburgers, and steak. He also loves smoked chicken and is a barbecue sauce connoisseur. He reads my cooking magazines and likes to make Aebleskivers.

He is fastidious in his hygiene, disciplined in his obedience, and keeps a cluttered space for his building projects. He collects movie ticket stubs, smashed pennies, baseball keychains, Archie comic books, and mementos from times with his cousins. He can read a book in an afternoon and we make a lot of library trips. He listens to the radio in his room, and he likes the music of AJR, preferring the radio edited versions of their songs. George Ezra? Yes. Collin Raye?(in Mom’s car) Nooooooo!

Language Arts and Math are his least favorite subjects this year. I think it has more to do with the teachers than the subjects. He loves science, history, band, and Raisels sour raisins for which he makes trades during lunch time at school.

He’s accomplished and smart, but I am most proud of the person he is becoming. His self discipline in piano practice and scripture study are uncommon in someone his age. He asks me how my day is going and still pats me on the back reassuringly and randomly. He is making changes in screen time habits for the better. His Primary president, Barbara Bartee wished him a happy birthday and delivered a handmade gift, even though he has been out of Primary for a year. He spent his birthday morning cleaning the kitchen at the family cabin, deep in conversation with his cousin, Kaitlyn. He ordered a caramel shake, a scone, a barbecue burger, and onion rings for lunch at the Hi Mountain Drugstore in Kamas for his birthday lunch. He picked out an orange Technic car from the Lego store to build, and we watched the Lego Movie 2 in the evening. Daniel made a video call to wish him a happy birthday from Chile. They spent most of the conversation talking about Lego engineering.

This is long, but I know from experience what little details will mean in the future.

Mark, you are loved and needed. You are smart and kind. You make great food and I like how you ask me questions about what I think. I like how you style the front of your hair standing straight up and keep the rest short. I like your laugh. It has a deeper pitch than last year, but keeps its essential rhythm, a long series of chuckles followed by a sharp intake of breath. Your features are more angular than last year, and you are inches taller than I am. You don’t read the blog, but someday perhaps you will see this and smile. I love you.

Prom, Primary, Diamond Fork, Big Bad Mama, Anniversary

I made some new friends this week, three women I did not know before, but felt inspired to choose to serve with me at church. I spent time with each of them, one by one, talking about important things like families, dreams, and testimony and felt my heart warm. I’m not surprised that I love them. I’m surprised how quickly it happened.

I worried and prayed for a sister-in-law.

I enjoyed a date night with Richard for our anniversary, which included two restaurants and lots of roses. Then, lucky us, we had another evening together later in the week, each of us dressed in Scout uniforms, matchy-matchy. I thought I was through with my uniform, but I am delighted at some good memories that came when I put it back on.

I watched Timothy play in an ultimate Frisbee tournament and helped him with Prom preparations. I had a lot of time with Tim this week, and I am so grateful for that.

I disabled the family computer last week, which was mainly being used to watch YouTube videos. When the kids were little, there were times I would chant, “I’m a big bad mama and I’m not afraid of you,” (I know, I am ridiculous) aloud or in my mind when I had to do the hard things that young parents have to do: enforce bedtime, deny requests for sugar, insist on car seats, clean up messes, and react in a positive way to tantrums. Not even that mental chant helped boost my morale over the computer drama. The reality is, a teen tantrum is much more painful to endure than one from a three-year-old.

Richard came home with the best pictures of a Scout campout in Diamond Fork. He brought his smokeless fire pit and Chip brought his guitar, and the boys and leaders sang around the campfire and roasted marshmallows and biscuits as it got dark. Mark came home from the camp, hugged me, and asked what he could eat. Balance is restored.

Little things this week

General Conference
I will really miss him.
Quilt group at our house this week.
These ideas for family history at a friend’s home were inspiring. It was an honor to see their family’s testimonies and how they celebrate their ancestors.
Loved it.
Tim has another black eye but declined to be photographed.
I kept the conference block tower for several days because Mark did a brilliant job.

Canyonlands, Needles District

In the shadow of sandstone formations, I watched the boys scale almost every surface they could. In the silence of the land, I walked a little with God and told him things I really want to do and felt his blessing. In the light of the temple, I saw more clearly who my sons are, and who they are becoming.

A neighbor observed that the views we seek most often are valleys, not mountains. I think we love the view of a valley because it reminds us how far we have come. We are ascending, after all.

Sights and Sounds this Week

We did some things. We saw some things. We read some things. I put correction tape over some ugly words. Blah, blah. I’ve been writing this blog for ten years, running out on a stage with my best words, my cutest people, and biggest achievements and the audience is mostly silent, kind of like when I play violin in church. The absence of applause screams doubt in my mind sometimes. Writing here is loneliness, multiplied by ten years. Writing here is also sanity, multiplied by ten years. This is how I feel on this tenth anniversary week.

Just little happy experiences

There are just little happy experiences that writing about doesn’t do justice. Pictures or videos don’t capture it. Memory isn’t exact enough. But there’s an eternity of those ahead… -Elder Daniel Ross

This is something Daniel expressed to me via text this week and I have thought about it again and again. Tiny interactions and connections, the evidence of humanity and goodness, can cut through differences and keep us afloat.

I walked several steps behind a little Muslim family into a store this week. The five or six-year-old son stayed behind to hold the door open for me. They weren’t speaking English, so I just smiled and gave a small wave to the boy, who had thrown his might into keeping the door open as a kindness to me. My thoughts about this family’s differences as I walked behind them in the parking lot just seconds before this interaction felt so shallow.

A different day, during school and work hours, a young father, with a daughter and a son, no older than ten years old looked at a wall of religious art. The daughter had taken an expensive framed print off the display wall and was cradling it until her arms. This was the one she loved. Later, at the cash register, I stood behind the family, the father now holding a few inexpensive prints similar to the expensive framed edition. He offered to buy a piece of candy for each child, but the children seemed content with the slips-of-paper-Jesus hugging someone. When it was my turn to step up to the register, I couldn’t speak or see clearly for a few seconds for what I had just witnessed.

The middle school kids swarmed the entrance to the public library as Mark and I drove into the parking lot after school. I offered to stay in the car as Mark found some books, since our path was through a sea of peers. He said no way. If somebody had a problem with his mom, he’d beat them up. He figured he was taller than most of them, so he had the advantage. In other words, he knew that walking with me would take courage, and he was up for it. You will be relieved to know that no violence ensued during the walk, and there were just a few loud hellos. The strong empathy in my personality made me feel insecure along with the preteens, but Mark and I made the walk together. I loved him for it.

Yesterday Tim went out to take photos of the sunset. He said he was trying to take more pictures like Daniel did. Then he mentioned that he wished he could look at Daniel’s photos of our vacations last summer, thinking there was no way he could see them. In covert sentences and expressions, Tim lets me know he misses Daniel. I pulled up Daniel’s albums on my computer and Tim was delighted, and in his understated, earnest way he enjoyed every one.

With a Smile

I think when I look back on this time in my life, I will be thankful that I was present when Tim came home from Frisbee practice, muddy and smiling. I will not regret being home and available to video chat with Daniel for the first time since Christmas. I will smile when I think of the jokes I made with Mark about the DWISBA as I drove him home from school. I will remember the texture of each boy’s hair in my fingers as I gave haircuts and the smell of starch while ironing shirts. I will smile at the memory of the beautiful home I worked to create. I will remember the souls I loved and the ones who loved me. I will remember that this was a sweet time. Sometimes I feel weary, unwanted, and stagnant, too, but that will not be the melody when I look back at this time with the perspective of age. I can see myself looking back with a smile. These little moments make me smile today.

A Baptism Here and There

A few weeks ago we studied as a family about being born of water and the spirit. While offering our family prayer after sharing what we learned, I felt I should thank our Heavenly Father for baptism. In an instant, I felt what this ordinance, along with confirmation, have meant to our family. Immense, personal, empowering, enhancing, clarifying, cleansing, gathering, unifying, and sanctifying, these gifts are something to cherish. Our Father is generous, and because of the sacrifice of his Son, we can be baptized. The Holy Ghost fills us and leaves its elevating effects without fanfare. The influence and power of the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost seem to come together at important days like baptism, not just at the Jordan River, but for little David, Maria, and each of us. At baptism, we are gathered, and we find where we belong.