My sister and her husband asked us to watch their two-year-old for an extended period of time. I said yes even though we are beyond the toddler phase at our house. It was a challenge. It was a joy. I had no idea what a profound lesson my nephew would teach me.
To be clear, my nephew, who was adopted after many months of foster care, never forgot his mommy-daddy while they were away. I thought it was cute that he linked their identities when he talked about them. The doorbell would ring. “Mommy-daddy?” he would ask, hoping it was them coming to pick him up. “Mommy-daddy?” he would ask sometimes as I put him to bed. I always reminded him that his mommy and daddy would come back for him soon.
He had our names down, “Paige, Dan-ol, Timony, Mark, and Richer (sometimes Da),” and although he knew my name is Angie, he called me Mom. At first I felt embarrassed. I hadn’t asked him to call me that. I had never been called Mom by anyone but my own children, so the word really affected me. Over time I realized that calling me Mom didn’t diminish his love for his true mommy. He was reminding me that the title of Mom is broader than we sometimes acknowledge. It’s a title that is hard-earned and not automatic to one who gives birth. Mom is a title about influence. A little two-year old felt that influence and acknowledged it.
This experience has led me to ask, What identifies someone as a mom? Mothers nurture us, mentor us, and love us. Certainly the title of Mom is not lost with time or death. It’s not a title for perfection. Moms do their imperfect best, day after day. It’s not a title related to outcomes in others. There are many wonderful mothers of rebellious children. It’s not always a title related to giving birth. This little nephew, an adopted son out of foster care, may appreciate the concept of “Mom” more than many of us. I didn’t replace his mommy, but he saw my efforts and recognized a mom.
Feminine sacrifice and love are what makes one worthy of the title of Mom, and that is something worth remembering on this day which brings out such complicated emotions in so many women. Our mothers wouldn’t want us to be sad on this day, even if it reminds us of those we have lost, of opportunities missed, disappointments, personal inadequacies, or blessings delayed. Our mothers would want us to celebrate the feminine endurance, love, and unselfishness that exemplify the title of Mom.
Happy Mothers Day!