{"id":12768,"date":"2016-11-07T18:20:29","date_gmt":"2016-11-08T00:20:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.angelaross.net\/blog\/?p=12768"},"modified":"2016-11-08T18:20:54","modified_gmt":"2016-11-09T00:20:54","slug":"finding-joy-in-the-desert","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.angelaross.net\/blog\/2016\/11\/finding-joy-in-the-desert\/","title":{"rendered":"Finding Joy in the Desert"},"content":{"rendered":"

My <\/span><\/span>early <\/span><\/span>years in Arizona were intense and isolated. I didn’t have a lot of friends and I was with the kids all day, every day. I was home schooling and Richard had many church obligations on Sunday and some weekday evenings. <\/span><\/span>One<\/span><\/span> evening, Richard <\/span><\/span>took<\/span><\/span> the three boys camping and Paige was at a friend\u2019s house watching movies. I <\/span><\/span>realized I would<\/span><\/span> be alone all evening, <\/span><\/span>and no<\/span><\/span>ne of my children needed me. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I sat on the couch, <\/span><\/span>and<\/span><\/span> the <\/span><\/span>silence <\/span><\/span>hovered<\/span><\/span> all around me. The piano wasn\u2019t being played. The dishes were done. No one <\/span><\/span>was<\/span><\/span> asking me for a cup of milk or a bowl of goldfish crackers. The accumulated fatigue from my lifestyle seemed to settle like a frost, and my body, used to constant motion and focus, took its cue and didn\u2019t feel like doing ANYTHING. I couldn\u2019t <\/span><\/span>settle on <\/span><\/span>what to do with this time alone.<\/span><\/span>\u00a0I had lost excitement for things other than parenting that I loved to do.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I had hit a wall of exhaustion, and it would take more than one night alone to sort things out. But I did. I wasn’t always exhausted, but there was a pessimism that hounded me. I hope my experience can be helpful to someone else.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Now that the fog of those early parenting years is gone, I see more distinctly how stretched I was. To be clear, I loved\u00a0playing with, teaching, reading to, and spending time with my children. But it was also very difficult. Writing\u00a0my worries about the kids and my doubts in my parenting choices in my journal was a healthy <\/span><\/span>outlet<\/span><\/span>. I\u2019d come away from a good journal-writing session feeling like the problems were expressed and solutions were on the way. I rarely took time to write about the good things about parenting in my journal, though, and that was something that needed to change<\/span><\/span>.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Being tired, even exhausted, is a real part of being a parent of young children. Difficulty doesn\u2019t necessarily mean something is bad. Those early years are a temporary marathon. If I could do it again, I wouldn\u2019t feel ashamed of my personal need for solitude. I didn\u2019t want to give the impression to anyone, especially the kids, that I saw parenting as <\/span><\/span>a<\/span><\/span> burden. <\/span><\/span>But parenting IS a burden; it is a worthy, beautiful burden, and like any burden, it needs to be set down sometimes.<\/span><\/span> I was wrong to think that taking some time away <\/span><\/span>from the kids<\/span><\/span> was selfish. It taxed my mental health to deny myself time with Richard and <\/span><\/span>deny myself<\/span><\/span> time alone. It created impossible dilemmas in my marriage. My prayers suffered. I could physically do the things I needed to do, but my spirit was faltering.\u00a0I had developed a bad attitude about so many things.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I found my way out over the next few years by making some very minor adjustments in my life. There is nothing religious in my formula except a search for joy. I didn’t pray more or make huge efforts in temple work. I just decided to focus on the happy side of my story. I was still a stay at home mom with 4 children to educate. Richard was still busy at church. We were\u00a0still living in the desert. All that changed was my attitude. The change came gradually because I did the following (these are links to old posts)*:<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n