{"id":12502,"date":"2016-08-29T14:35:22","date_gmt":"2016-08-29T20:35:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.angelaross.net\/blog\/?p=12502"},"modified":"2016-09-08T13:19:17","modified_gmt":"2016-09-08T19:19:17","slug":"we-can-keep-it-real-without-betraying-ourselves","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.angelaross.net\/blog\/2016\/08\/we-can-keep-it-real-without-betraying-ourselves\/","title":{"rendered":"We can keep it real and stay positive at the same time"},"content":{"rendered":"
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image from Pinterest, unknown artist<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I posted this, took it down, posted it, took it down, and now it’s back, seasoned with more love. I decided this view is needed in a culture that encourages women to speak publicly of their faults and failings and parade negative details of their personal relationships. I received more feedback on this post than any I have written this year. This tells me that this is something we need to think about.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

I was in a room full of women and someone asked me a very pointed question, that if I were to answer truthfully, it would set me and someone I love in a negative light. I answered truthfully, and I instantly regretted it. I think she was trying\u00a0to humanize me, or make me more relatable. I felt crucified; my relationship with the person she asked about, tarnished. It made me sad that she thought it would help the group to hear me admit something negative about a personal relationship.<\/p>\n

This kind of thing happens often among women. I’m not frustrated with a particular person, but a trend.<\/p>\n

Some women have a habit\u00a0that I rarely see in men, and that is the desire to compete for “last place.” Comments among women will often\u00a0include someone admitting how bad they are at something. I try not to talk like this. However, it can feel really lonely to say I am doing well with something, or I have come to know something after a lot of effort. I admire women who speak from years of experience with confidence and positivity.<\/p>\n

Some people want to “keep it real.” Some abase themselves so others can relate to them, or because they want to avoid bragging. Some women are just modest and don’t say anything. It is not wrong to be quiet, but I hope they feel empowered to speak when they need to.<\/p>\n

I read reviews recently of a best selling book, a memoir of a woman exposing terrible, personal details of her marriage. Her aim is good, to help women be strong, but it feels sad to me that she felt the need to relate the most personal, horrible things to empower others.<\/span><\/p>\n

No one FEELS\u00a0perfect so it’s difficult to change\u00a0the expectation of\u00a0admitting failings publicly. If we focus on our negatives\u00a0in order to feel accepted, are we really serving others? Or will the attention just be temporary, the definition of ourselves set as a victim or\u00a0failure,\u00a0as people hurry on\u00a0to the next negative story? I wonder.<\/span><\/p>\n

I will admit that my biggest trials and failures are where\u00a0some of my\u00a0most treasured understanding has come. Like pearls, my pain\u00a0won’t be shown to just anyone, but the lessons I have learned, such as strength, empathy, and perspective can be shown in hundreds of ways without betraying myself.<\/p>\n

I believe that it’s not necessary to broadcast our weaknesses or greatest pains, parading them like badges of humanity. Our\u00a0weaknesses are still there, visible to many, whether we broadcast them or not. Our lives will have times when we need to acknowledge that we are grieving, or that we are experiencing difficulties. However, most of the time we can\u00a0frame\u00a0our lives in positives rather than negatives. I also believe we can change the outcome for our\u00a0lives as we emphasize triumphs and\u00a0hopes instead of our defeats and fears.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I posted this, took it down, posted it, took it down, and now it’s back, seasoned with more love. I decided this view is needed in a culture that encourages women to speak publicly of their faults and failings and parade negative details of their personal relationships. I received more feedback on this post than … Continue reading We can keep it real and stay positive at the same time<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12502","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-life-according-to-angela"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.angelaross.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12502","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.angelaross.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.angelaross.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.angelaross.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.angelaross.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12502"}],"version-history":[{"count":28,"href":"http:\/\/www.angelaross.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12502\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12586,"href":"http:\/\/www.angelaross.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12502\/revisions\/12586"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.angelaross.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12502"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.angelaross.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12502"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.angelaross.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12502"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}